Lived Experience Forum

[esprit]

Hi. Does anyone have the problem where just because you have had episodes of clinical depression in the past, that any feeling you have be it anger, frustration, sadness or not coping with well when things go wrong that your family treats you like an idiot and gets angry that your going to top yourself at any minute.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @esprit,

I think it's easy (and not necessarily right) for some people to attribute any negative emotions or challenging behaviours to a person's mental ilness. 

It's hard for families and friends, and even ourselves at times, to know where mental illness starts and finishes, and sadly sometimes people forget to see that there's more to a person than their mental illness. Instead, everything a person says and does is viewed as mental illness. 

It seems like your family is not seeing you beyond your depression. From what you've written, it doesn't seem like you feel supported or understood by them. Are there other people in your life that get and understand depression? 

[Mosaic]

Hi @esprit echoing what Cherrybomb said, some people can feel very uncomfortable by negative emotions, and not know quite what to say or how to respond. Instead of being supportive, people can become frightened or intimidated by depression and assume you are suicidal. On the other hand, it sounds like your family are worried about you, maybe they're not quite so good at expressing it so sensitively? I wonder - How would you ideally like them to talk with you or treat you when you are having a hard time?

[esprit]

Most of my family are emotionally crippled. In my family you don't resolve issues, you don't talk about it you get on with it and suck up what's ever given out. My dad died six weeks ago. He was a lovely funny very loved man but he had late onset Schizophrena. But coped with it himself. He spent the last weeks in my brothers house my sister and I stayed too. He had cancer that spread lungs brain and liver. My sister and sister in law are control freaks and were fighting all the time. My brother was in flight and fight mode. I just wanted to look after my dad. My brother told me constantly that I was only there for myself. That hurt a lot. My mother hates my father and has for 30 years. I went to her house after being in emergency with him for 8 hours and all she could say was its better he dies quick and then says why does he have to stay with my brother(he is the golden haired boy) why can't you or my sister look after him. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's but early stages. Could blame that but has been saying similar for years.
On top of seeing my dad die my children who decided they would rather live with their dad at the start of the year came to see me once when I got back home. I married their father but turns out he has a brilliant mind but no idea about emotions . some say he's Asperger. He lets my children do what ever they want whenever they want so it made it an easy choice for them as teenagers to go live with him. Not saying he is a bad father he drives them everywhere and will do what ever they want. My eldest child won't talk much to me because she can't cope with my depression she says and says I'm just manipulating every one. I don't blame her having a mum with depression is hard for kids to understand. I'm at the point where I don't want anything to do with any of them. I need peace and to stand in my own truth. I'm not really depressed now just incredibly sad that I've lost my dad and I can't mother my children any more.
Sorry for the rant if you have read this far just needed to get a bit of stuff of my chest. Thanks.

[Kurra]

Hi @esprit

Give yourself time to grieve over the loss of your father. It's early days yet and you'll have periods when you feel you're coping well with his passing and there will also be times when you find it really hard. This is a part of the normal grieving process.

My daughter has rejected me since January anf it's been hard to deal with but I do know that she will return to me somewhere down the track.. I accept what ii is for now . I just send her a text relatively frequently to remind her thst she is loved and ìs very loving.

[Former-Member]

Sending hugs @esprit
So sorry to hear what's happened in your life recently. Do you have anyone to talk to? It's not easy finding a friend who understands. What about a counsellor or psychologist, have you considered seeing one?
It helps to have professional help sometimes in our life.
I just started seeing a psychologist again a few weeks ago and I actually do feel a little bit better.
I've struggled with depression, anxiety and PTSD since I was a teenager, so I understand how difficult it is not having anyone who understands.
It's good that you are chatting on here. People on here understand. I find it helpful chatting on here to others. Often people go on "night shift" post for a chat, if you feel like having a look on there. 😊

When my father died years ago, I felt that I lost my whole family, long story.
I'm getting too tired to think now, but I hope to chat again soon.

I hope that you are ok and hope you find it less lonely chatting on here to others.

Night night 😊😴 Nice to meet you

[esprit]

Thank you so much. Xx

[esprit]

Thanks for your post. I was sending her loving messages all the time but I'm just angry at the world at the moment which strangely feels better than falling into depression. im sure your right and my girls will come back to me one day. It just feels broken now.

[Former-Member]

I'm still awake @esprit
Sometimes I find it difficult getting to sleep even though I'm exhausted.

It's understandable that you feel angry.
If you feel like crying, just let the tears come. Holding the tears in can cause anger and depression. Tears are healing. It's sad to think that you are alone.
Don't hesitate to phone Lifeline if you need to. The number is on here somewhere and there are other places to phone, if you need someone to talk to. 🌷🌸🌹🌻

[Former-Member]

I better try to sleep, I have to get up early.
Chat soon. 🌻