Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Cando]

My son is 29 years old and when he was 21 we moved from Canada to Australia.  In the beginning he really tried to make friends and be happy.  But every time he was -in his mind- rejected he would withdraw more and more into his own thoughts.  He became a very angry and unhappy youngman.  No matter what we as his parents or sister did, he would reject it.

Now 8 years later he is still living  with us and now he is not angry anymore but just sad and not trying anymore its as if he has given up.  He sleeps all day and at night he is awake.  He is very, very lonely. As his mother it breaks my heart to see my son struggling so much.  He is seeing a Psycologist, but I dont see that it is making difference.  He has very negative thoughts and we have phoned police when he said wants to commit suicide.  I get so angry with him because he needs to take responsibility for getting better himself, but its as if he just doesnt want to.  Then I also know just need to love him and show him its going to be allright, just dont know anymore.  What can we do I want my son to be happy again.  Please give some advice. 

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Cando

Welcome to the forums,

I am so sorry to hear about what is happening for your son and family, it is incredibly painful to watch a loved one suffer and especially when you are feeling very helpless to change things

its good to hear that he is accessing a psychologist, because there is a limited amount that you can do, does he say that he has made a good connection with this person? because sometimes it does require accessing a few people to find the right one. I was also wondering if there are any support groups near you for him to find like minded individuals where he can feel understood and feel less judged and potentially for you to feel less alone. Additionally there are outreach workers called PIR (partners in recovery workers - click here) that can help people with mental health issues move toward their goals and recovery

i know that there are other people on here that are supporting their children, does anyone else have any experience they can share or any thoughts? 

 @PeppiPatty @Ruth @Bandit1 @perseverer

[Bandit1]

Hi @Cando,I have similar problems with my son.He is now 24.In Oct of 2012 he had fuel poured on him and set alight and has 75% 3rd degree burns and stays in his room all the time.He sleeps all day,then he's awake all night and bothers me to cook him food,etc,at night so I don't get any sleep either.He's on numerous medications and doesn't want to bother with psychologists.Someone told me that if he's saying he's going to do away with himself,at least he's talking to you about it.And that he doesn't really want to,deep down,it's a cry for help.All you can do is tell him you love him and that you're here for him if he wants to talk,and try not to judge him.I've learnt to back off a bit as the worry was making me physically ill and have a heart to heart with him and explained my fears and told him that there's always someone out there a lot worse off than him and how lucky he is.I got in contact with the 'SANE' personel where it says at the  top of this page 'ask for help' and they were very helpful and gave me numerous phone numbers of people I can call for help in my area.The lady I spoke to was a Godsend! You could try that,I would,and did! Click on 'contact us' and then 'ask for help'. Hope that helps you as much as it did me.