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[MDT]

A bad day

@Judi9877 @Shaz51 @TAB @greenpea @BlueBay @Meowmy @Appleblossom @frog @eth @Angels333 @Owlunar @Former-Member @Jacques @Former-Member @Maggie @Eve7 @DJMasters @BPDSurvivor @oceangirl @WIP @Schitzo @Emelia8 @Clawde

Plan A was to go to my place of work as expected. I did. I get there and three people ask me if I will be going elsewhere. Because of the workload expected. Put simply, we finished much much earlier than anticipated. I was then expected to go to another place. I did.
Then I get word about 3 hours later than I am expected back where I started. Why? Because my colleague refused to go back. Then she makes up a story to try and pull the wool over my eyes. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. I was so fed up with the entire thing.

I made an appointment with my boss. I WAS going to speak to him about it. But I thought why not let this slip under the bridge as water. Easy. Rather I used that chance to talk about boosting my hours maybe and seeing what my options were - which was an option on the table a few weeks ago that had escaped my mind.

He offered me two solutions. First, I increase to 4 days and run the risk of returning to a place that I have major issues with. Second option, I go to full time. Full time means full time. No doubts about it.

I did some thinking about it all and came to the conclusion that full time is not an option now. Not happening.

I have been f*cked over too much. I am not here to put up with other people's BS. I deserve more in life and better opportunities.

Then of course the whole "I am 27 and don't know anything and feel like a loser" kicked in. Well now I don't care about it. I have resigned to the following:

1) That at this stage I will likely not find a soulmate or partner because women want guys who are stable and organised. I am struggling with both at the age of 27. I still fit into the "loser" category. At the end of the day that's just a perspective people may have on me but I don't care.

2) I am deserving of love and yet probably won't find it because of the way my generation operates now.

3) My chances of going anywhere I actually would want to go are gone too.

4) I've spent too much time in the "wilderness" and it's time that stopped.

5) I am resigned to the fact that if I can't figure out these things in the next 2 years then all hope is gone and I am stuck with whatever I do at 29.

6) I don't matter.

That's genuinely how I felt earlier today and I think some part of that is still true right now as I type this out

My new resolution is to go all in.

Just start carpet bombing my CV and resume to get me the hell out of what I am doing now.

Start upping the ante on what I write. Force myself to do it maybe

Shatter the image of myself as meak and gentle - which I don't think I have - but I need to shatter it at a deeper level or else I am stuck thinking bad thoughts about myself. I have been through things and I am on a journey. It's still going

I am trying my best but it's coming with a hint of sadness

[TAB]

You've got to get over stuff @MDT
As you said it was a bad Day.
Why it was bad , well thats subjective.
Yes All in good idea
So is Resilience .
Chill. El Hamsarino

[frog]

Hi @MDT I can feel the hint of sadness in your post. But I can also see you recognising the negative script kicking in and have ideas about how to move forward. Sometimes I see the same things in myself. I have very down days when I feel hopeless. At the moment I'm trying not to get carried away and just recognise it's a feeling that will lift, hopefully soon.

I get that you think some part of those heavy thoughts you were resigned to earlier are based on truth and I'm not going to counter and invalidate your experience. However, I believe that they are not all that you are by a long shot. There are counterarguments to them too. And man you do matter. You are a valued part of this community, and beyond. Sometimes you never know the impact that you're having on others but I believe that we all have the capacity for a positive impact. You are well on the way there. Take it easy on yourself.

[MDT]

Hi @TAB @frog and thank you for your help and advice both of you

I just worry is all and I feel like a loser.

[TAB]

So why would you feel like a loser? Okay cos you added 'everything else that's bothering me' to work gripes ....
Hams is making problems. .. for Hams ..
Old Saying. Don't look for trouble when there isn't any 🤐... @MDT

[MDT]

This part I guess @TAB

Idk man.....

Then of course the whole "I am 27 and don't know anything and feel like a loser" kicked in. Well now I don't care about it. I have resigned to the following:

1) That at this stage I will likely not find a soulmate or partner because women want guys who are stable and organised. I am struggling with both at the age of 27. I still fit into the "loser" category. At the end of the day that's just a perspective people may have on me but I don't care.

2) I am deserving of love and yet probably won't find it because of the way my generation operates now.

3) My chances of going anywhere I actually would want to go are gone too.

4) I've spent too much time in the "wilderness" and it's time that stopped.

5) I am resigned to the fact that if I can't figure out these things in the next 2 years then all hope is gone and I am stuck with whatever I do at 29.

6) I don't matter.

[TAB]

All of which has nothing directly to do with a bad day at work
Ask yourself what actually happened maybe?
What was your response? I dont like myself? Prob not related.

[MDT]

Not directly no @TAB
Just a shite show. A really big one.
Anyways I'll head off now. Might be on later. Didn't go to gym. Too tired and angry. Can go tomorrow. More important things to figure out.