Lived Experience Forum

[Phoenix_Rising]

I totally agree @Former-Member. I am so so SO grateful that I found TTT - but it REALLY shouldn't take that long to find a good therapist amongst all the awful ones. I do trust TTT, and my GP...so I guess I do trust SOME people. Oh and I trust @CheerBear. 

[Former-Member]

I’m glad you found TTT and GP
@Phoenix_Rising 👍🌺
I have given up looking.
Chat again soon.
I will try and sleep.
Sigh 😔
Take care. 🌷

[Phoenix_Rising]

Trying to get some more sleep sounds like a good plan @Former-Member. I'm wondering if @CheerBear has gone back to bed too...though probably not since I think she was having a coffee. 

I hope you get a bit more sleep @Former-Member. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

I'm not sure if you are still around or not @CheerBear? 

I can imagine that trust must be extra tricky for you because you have to be so mindful of the safety of you plus three. I can't imagine how scary it must be to constantly have to think about that. Living in constant fear definitely breaks brains. Brains are designed to need a sense of safety. I know you have been dealing with this for a long time - too long. I know you will always put the safety of yourself and the LF first...just as any awesome mother should. 

[CheerBear]

@Former-Member I wanted to wait until I was in a better headspace to reply properly to you this morning. Trust is SO difficult when you've been badly hurt before. I know for me, putting my trust in people (of all kinds and from different places), has felt like it has backfired often enough that it has made it very hard to do now. I have huge respect for the challenges that trust can bring. It's one of the long lasting impacts of bad things happening, that I think can be so difficult to work through 🙁

It takes a long time for me to be able to trust a therapist or helping person/organisation and it doesn't take much for that trust to be damaged. I do try to work through it most of the time when it happens now, when before I may have run away and not looked back, and I find that can be helpful as sometimes the damage wasn't quite as big as it first felt it may be. Sometimes it is though.

Even trusting myself can be tricky. I absolutely believe in gut feelings and listening to what they're telling me, but at the same time, I know I have a bit of a faulty 'alert panic, danger' radar, because of how much danger there has been before. It's so confusing and it makes things very difficult.

It is so so hard to fight every day and feel like we're getting nowhere. I wish things were easier for all of us.

Sending you big hugs and hope that you were able to get some more sleep and that today has something ok or better about it for you ❤

[Sahara]

Hi @Ma60 and everyone,

I have huge issues in trusting people. Sometimes this can be a good thing, because when something goes pear-shaped in a relationship, I'm usually not disappointed because I never expected it would work out anyway!

So I go into social situations with extremely low expectations of people. I guess that I am giving out signals saying "don't get close to me... I don't trust anyone" and therefore preventing deep relationships from developing. I do crave closeness with people, but I find I am usually reluctant to take friendships deeper than surface level, even though I start out with good intentions. 

All this has made me a very independent woman, who likes to do things by herself, a lot of the time. I like reading, baking, cycling, yoga, hiking and art. Notice I have no interest in team sports! And art is such a solitary activity.... you can spend all day wrapped up in your own world, with art. 

At the moment, I am testing the waters with trying to become more social. This is difficult ground for me. 

As far as therapists and doctors go... I more or less trust them, within reason. I certtainly never believed that they could 'fix' me or 'cure' me or anything like that. Again, I had low expectations of them! If there was anything I was unsure about, I would look it up and do some research. Then I would see a different doctor, if I wasn't happy with the service that I was getting. I could fairly confidently just shop around and get plenty of different opinions, as far as doctors go. 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @CheerBear 💜😘 for your reply and @Phoenix_Rising 🌷🐢

You are both so kind and caring and much liked by many on the forums.

I tried dozing, but kept having panic attacks.
I guess having disturbing news right at bedtime doesn’t help. 😟:face_with_rolling_eyes:
Have to be there for daughter though.
Suggested she tell me much earlier, so I can try and deal with it way before sleep time.

I don’t think I’ll ever trust men. I still have nightmares that someone is after me to attack or ?????

Because the traumas started happening when I was so young and continued throughout my life, it’s taking a very long time to get over it.

I know you both have suffered too and will understand what I’m saying.

Hoping you both will have an okish day.
Take care and hope to chat soon.



Hi to @Ma60 👋
Nice to meet you on here. Hoping you have a good/ok day too. 🌷🌺☕️


Hi to anyone else around as well.

[Former-Member]

trust is probably one of my biggest difficulties too and building trust with someone takes such a long time and so slow that people generally give up on me. it took me a year nearly before i said anything 'meaningful' to my last psychologist before that i talked to her about, well it was just surface level day to day stuff and would shut down if she 'probed' further. another reason why for so many people the ten sessions by medicare is so ridiculous. i cant find anyone new to help either and partly because im not sure i can work through trusting someone else either. but its a cycle of being alone and not getting any better... its hard.

[Ma60]

Nearly four years later and still the trust issues. Unfortunately it has a new partner - feeling safe not so much physically but emotionally safe. Together  they make my Anxiety can go through the roof. It makes it so difficult to engage with others. Have started going to a social group once a week. Baby steps but that is all I can handle, it took me six months from the initial phone call to actually go. Each week is another step forward.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Ma60

You have not posted for a while. I saw you first registered with the forum ... nearly 4 years ago. You must be one of the original members!

I hope the group is helping.

I have serious trust issues, but I think I have masked them by low expectations and an attitude of putting up with rotten situations with lots of stoicism or endurance. As I raise my level of hope to .. that I actually matter my fear levels rise and become overwhelming.

A work in progress.