Lived Experience Forum

[florencefifty]

I had my first week at work. Tomorrow will be my first Monday morning. I really am back, huh?

The training has been OK, but I have noticed how draining it is. There’s a lot to remember. I hate being new, because you have to learn everything and you’re going to suck for quite a while. I have made a point of leaving the building during breaks and especially lunch.

The dress code is full business, which also means you have to wear leather shoes. The ones I have are super uncomfortable. At least it’s only until I am capable enough to work from home.

It’s mainly the little things that are annoying.

Your brain is fried from the information you have to take in and you start to feel tired. So you drink coffee, and then you have too much coffee. That especially makes you feel sick on the bus, because bus drivers jab at the brake like it’s a freaking stress ball and your body is rolling around at every turn. I was training in a very small room, with a too-small table. I don’t know why they couldn’t book an empty boardroom. I haven’t met my manager yet.

Don’t get me wrong, these are all first-world problems and I am glad to be working again.

The weekend was good too.

I went to an arts festival. People were super Negative Nancy about it, just like they are with most types of art. Take for example, food. Like “I can’t believe people would wait six weeks to get a reservation and pay $50 for risotto.” But actually going there, it was really enjoyable and it wasn’t massively busy, because it was the last day. It was a Goldilocks level of busy.

Today I went out and kicked a footy around, unfortunately by myself. I’m actually not a bad kicker from set shots. Leg speed is DEFINITELY not there LOL, but I managed to get them pretty straight and get good contact on the ball. I learned how to bounce an AFL ball so it comes back to you reliably, purely from experimentation. My brother said I should join some sort of team. Someone I know described themselves as not being fit, but having tonnes of energy and enthusiasm. I definitely relate to that, in many areas of my life. One of the most dangerous things I do is, I will watch something and think “I can probably do that”. 

My Depression is definitely still there.

The temptation to drink is definitely still there. I had two beers on Friday night, because they were giving them away at work in the last hour while I was listening to some calls. I went to the fridge afterwards and I noticed that I almost reached for about another three standard drinks. I stopped myself and grabbed a can of Coke instead, walked out. It’s something I’ve got to be REALLY careful of. On the first day, I was almost in tears on the bus on the way over there, I had literally no idea why. 

I got Writer’s Block on the end of this, I’ll probably publish it like this. I’ve got to shower and shave, and it feels like a lot of work. I tired myself out from pretending to kick a goal in the AFL Grand Final…

[Former-Member]

Hi @florencefifty 

Sounds like things are positive and going in the right direction

We all have to get used to imperfections like the bus.

But imperfections make great stories like the bus and small table.

Have a great week!

[tyme]

Good on you @florencefifty ! I can see how writing and posting here is a way you can reflect of your life. 

I found it enlightening so be able to read it, and compare it to life not-so-long ago, to see how much you have progressed in life. 

Yes, it's not perfect (it'll never be), but there is growth and progress.

As for you depression, do you have someone you can talk to about it?

[prisonersorange]

Hey, I really appreciated this post. It's grounding to read along with you as you reflect on your week, the good and the bad. You're an inspiration 🙂