Lived Experience Forum

[Cherpieus]

Hi All,

I'm scared about my first apppointment with a new psychiatrist tomorrow.

I'm so used to having my mask on around others I don't know how I'll be able to remove it and explain what's really going on with me.  

I hate having to give a run down on my depression over the course of my life.

I come across as being totally together and even happy around new people. Even my GP said a couple of visits ago how well I hide how I feel. I'm the 'perfect patient'. I do everything I'm told and can even come across positive and happy.

I'm scared about what the psychiatrist may recommend in terms of medication.

Cherpieus

[Durango]

Hi Cherpieus,

Welcome to the forums. Thanks for joining the conversations. It can be daunting taking to new Dr's. I would suggest that you don't necessarily need to talk about your past too much to receive effective treatment to move forward. Talk about the past if you think it will be helpful but spend more time focusing on your preferred future.

All the best,

Durango.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Cherpieus. I am glad you have your appointment tomorrow. I started seeing a new psychiatrist about three months ago and was obsessively nervous before the first meeting. This feeling dramatically reduced after that and I've now come to look forward to my appointments.

My own experience with psychiatrists is that they usually do ask first about your history, but this is to help them get to know the long term status of your mental health issues and if there are any complicating medical factors. This may have an effect on what, if any, medications they prescribe for you and is just a part of the getting-to-know-you process for both of you. 

I too know what you mean by wearing a much more positive 'mask' when out in public. I straight out told my psychiatrist about this at our first appointment, stating that I always 'present well' and then describing what the mask was concealing. He was understanding about this and I think it helped him better grasp the issues we are working with.

Thinking of you and wishing you the best for tomorrow. I look forward to hearing how it goes. 🙂

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Cherpieus

Have you had your appointment yet? Thinking of you. 

Let us know how you are, and how it goes/went.

CherryBomb

[Cherpieus]

Thanks for all the messages - so very much appreciated. This will be the only place I can discuss the outcome.

I had the first appointment with the new psychiatrist. I had prepared well - I wrote out a summary of my life and the depressive episodes and I told the guy I come across well to most people but that's not what it's like inside me.

Despite having written all of that information down he still asked me a zillion questions. But he was pretty good. So I went through my life story again and now feel worse than I did before I went.

He told me I have non-melanchonic depression. Which means it has a lot to do with my personaility and how I respond to stress in my life.  When a stressful event happens it triggers the depression - my personality has a higher propensity to it. That's just great - so lets just change who I am. I wish.

So a change in medication again (although I read that for this sort of depression medication only helps in 50% of cases - hopefully I'll be in the 50% that it does help). And then back to the usual treatments of family of origin stuff, CBT, DBT etc etc etc. But in essence I've just got to change who I am and how I think and feel and respond.

It just feels so unachievable. I've been trying to become a different person for 42 years now, what sort of hope is there when I've achieved nothing in that time. I mean nothing in relation to the disease... I'm not saying I haven't achieved anything in my life.

I had been hopeful because I had overcome previous depression episodes but now it seems the only reason I overcame them is because the 'stressor' triggers went away.

A few weeks now of changing medication ahead so I'm going to hold on to the slight hope it may make some difference eventually.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Cherpieus

It's hard that there are often no immediate answers to our depression and anxiety, and that our recovery does tend to be small-step by small-step. I understand your frustration too with the feeling that depression may come and go throughout your life.

 From what you've written in other posts, it sounds as though you are in the midst of a lot of external stess in your life at present. Perhaps external life changes may be necessary in the longer term as well as looking at thought processes, feelings, behaviours, etc.

Thinking of you with hope in your exploration of new medication and a possible return to psychological therapy.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Cherpieus

Your thread brought a wan knowing smile to me.  I tried to be a perfect mother, wife, student, and patient too... but that was the BIG secret ... I have never been able to admit my own perfectionism.

I find I can only admit to things a little while after I have processed them ... maybe not quick enough for others ... I "knew" I shouldnt be a perfectionist ... but if I do this and this and this ... bargaining ...etc

I hope your meds kick in and you are doing ok.  Glad you feel the new psych is reasonable. I am hoping my new GP sends me to a new psych ... we will see.

[Elissa]

Hi Cherpius

I hope your med change goes quickly and smoothly. Here if you need someone to chat to.
Best wishes
Elissa

[Nina]

Hi all I am also another newbie to the site but not to mental illness. Having suffered for over 25 years but living like the "perfect patient" most of the time.

my frustration over the years has been based around the medical professionals ranging from GP's to psychiatric care and therapist.

one thing I have learned is that no matter how frustrating it is don't give up! Patience, as frustrating as it is, is a must. We all meet the wrong people in life, have friends that are not healthy, relationships etc. We don't usually give up. We buy the wrong bag or dress we don't stop shopping.... I am not trivulizing please understand that. My experience covers straight jackets, padded cells, injections in the bum being held down by 5 men. Barbaric treatment in the early 1990's. Piles of different therapy from hypnotherapy, art, inner child, empty chair, letter writing, journaling you name it I tried it. If someone said stand on your head and paint with your feet I would have tried it.... I seriously mean it. Sometimes I feel that all that I did was a waste of time until very recently. Another traumatic experience lead me to a trauma councillor and psychotherapist and all those years of therapy combined with the new modern self recovery process worked. I got to the core of the issue or rather issues. Acute Complex Post Truamatic  Stress Disorder.Yep I have an alphabet after my name. Does that mean I am ill or experienced.....lived and shared experience is the key to recovery and survival. I have been screaming this in my circles for longer than I care to remember.

greatful it/us are being recognised for what we can offer in the sector.

[Incarise1982]

Hi i guess we all try different things to battle with our insanity some will call it your post woke me up to the reality of the world around us i wish more people would understand how difficult it is to live with it