Lived Experience Forum

[Buck]

My girlfriend has BPD and recently got pregnant. She quit her medication due to the pregnancy, and has become like a completely different person.  She has become resentful towards me and taken to only talking negatively to or putting me down.  It seems like nothing I can say or do will please her lately.  About 6 days ago she said we needed to take a break, so I let her house where I had been staying and returned to my home.  We had been discussing moving in full time together, and now I don't know what she wants.  She is very hard to talk to right now, and our conversations usually result in her getting upset no matter what I say. As a result I quit talking to her for a while and let her cool off.  Two days ago, she was being unclear again and blaming me for everything being wrong, and saying the I just don't get it.  I finally asked her to "say it, what do you want" TO which she replied "I don't know"  I love her and want to work this out. I know she is hurting, but I don't know what to do to make it better.  I am hesitant to talk to her sometimes because she will bite my head off.  Yesterday after she blamed something on me that was someone else' s fault I quit talking. That was about 10 am.  She text me at 10 pm. And said Goodnight. I hope you have a good weekend. I responded about 30 minutes later after waking up and seeing the message and said Goodnight I Love you.  

I need some guidance dealing and communicating with her. I love her and want to bridge the gap but I don't know how to do it without her getting angry.  This is my first relationship with someone with bpD so I am hopeful for some insight.

Thank you

[Former-Member]

Your doing your best. This is a very delicate situation.  Your doing a  great job so far. Work hard on following her clues but also remembmer that your an emotional being yourself and you deserve respect and love.  So protect yourself while working through this.

[Buck]

Thank you.

[Former-Member]

Your welcome, keep up updated, the more information we have the better we can help you.

[utopia]

@Buck. It is a tricky situation. But not insurmountable. Did your gf come off her meds with the guidance of her psychiatrist or gp? As it's important not to just stop cold turkey.
You and your partner can find some really good help through a group called PANDA. They offer support and guidance for women with mental illness who are pregnant or have young babies. @PANDA can be contacted from 9am to 7.30pm Mon to Fri on 1300 726 306.
They also offer support for the fathers. They have an easy to use website that you might like to look at.
Being pregnant is hard enough for most women. But when you can't take your psych meds, it makes it tougher.
Maybe your gf and you could both go to an appointment with her psychiatrist where you can discuss things openly.
This is a temporary situation, which should improve once she's back on her medication. Try if you can to get the support you need through PANDA so you can stick it out.

[Buck]

Thank you. Saturday she told me asked her Dr. For anti depressants but has to wait till this week. We had a really good day Saturday and Saturday night texting and flirting.  I went to her house Sunday and we spent the night together.  This afternoon when I left she asked if I was going home tonight. I told her yes, but would like to come back maybe Tuesday.  Also her son has a game Wednesady and I offered to take him to it since she has to take her other son to a game, plus I enjoy the games.  She acted like She wasn't sure if that is what she wanted.  She said we still haven't talked but that is because one of the kids spent the night with us.  Which happens quite often and therefore we can't talk openly, or spend quality time with one another.  

I left and we kissed good bye, but I still don't know where I stand with her.   I left and about 20 minutes later she text randomly telling me her and her friend were looking at a pool for the kids.  We text back and forth for a bit, but it really wasn't anything much.  I am SOOOO confused right now.  

[PANDA]

Hi @Buck,

It's great to see you've been able to share what's happening on the forums and get some support from the wonderful people here.

As @utopia mentioned, PANDA supports men and women dealing with these kind of challenges during pregnancy and after birth. Pregnancy can be a tough time for any relationship, and this if often even more complicated when one partner is dealing with an ongoing mental health issue.

We'd really like to offer you some extra support, if you'd like to call our National Helpline and speak with one of our counsellors. We're available from 9am to 7.30pm (AEDT), Monday to Friday on 1300 726 306.

You're doing a great thing by reaching out, and please know there are lots of options for support out there for you and your girlfriend.

We hope to be able to speak with you soon @Buck.

All the best,

The PANDA Team.

[utopia]

Thank you @PANDA for the wonderful wirk you do.
@Buck. It sounds like a really nice weekend. It's lovely flirting with the one we love. I hope you both are still diing that in 30 years time.
So pleased to hear your gf has reached out to her doctor and has requested some antidepressants. They do take a few weeks - 2 to 6 weeks to start working. But once they do, hopefully things will settle down for her, and for you.

[Buck]

Is this in the United States? I live in the U.S.

[Buck]

I just noticed that PANDA is in Australia. Are there any resources in the U.S. I could reach out to?