Lived Experience Forum

[Mac]

I have a sister coming home from interstate very anxious she is so over the top and very critical of everything I do I just agree with everything she saids just to save her confronting me can't handle her at the moment not looking forward to this family get together very scary.

[Fancy_Pants]

HI @Mac

Siblings relationships are always difficult even without personality differences and differences of opinion, plus I am guessing she may be older? and are there any other factors which make it harder like mental illness? scary is a big description, are you scared for your mental health / or hers if you say something / or your safety etc?

It sounds like it is difficult to connect with her, has it always been this way? And have you ever spoken to her about wanting things to be different between the two of you?

does anyone else have any ideas for Mac about what she can do? 

[Sahara]

Hi @Mac,

my sister can be very critical, too. Her criticisms hurt me more than she will ever know. As a result, I can be very defensive with her. 

Is there anyone else who will be at the family gathering that you can confide in about your fears? I would tell them, in a gentle way, about your fear of your sister and her comments and ask for their support. They might like to sit beside you and distract your sister or change the subject when she starts mouthing off.

Another tactic you can use, if you are up to it, is not to agree with her comments. If you don't want to actively defend yourself, then just don't say anything. Look away and then change the topic. Most critical people just want an audience... or an argument. If they don't get an audience, sometimes they will shut up.

You could also ask a kind friend to come along to your family gathering. Your sister might put on her best behavior in front of someone who she doesn't know.  It's worth a try. 

If your sister says something very bad, you can always leave the gathering and come back later. Go to the loo and then just disappear for a while to let things settle.  That's what I do. 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Mac

Sibling relationships can be very hard to deal with.  I remember I went to my younger sister's 40th quite a few years ago now and one of my abusers was going to be there.  I sought advice from my psych and therapist and I decided to go with my family on the condition that if at any time I had enough and wanted to leave that they would support my decision.

Luckily for me I didn't have to sit right near my abuser but just having him in the room made me feel horrible, dirty and vulnerable. I couldn't look at him straight in the eyes.  He made no contact with me thank god and we were the first to leave.

I think @Mac if you start to feel uncomfortable just leave, go outside, to the loo or even just go home.

Family relationships can be difficult, I really understand that because of my family situation and there is a whole lot more with my parents.

Another thing - do you have to go? If you feel so anxious about it can you make up an excuse to not go? 

Just a thought??

[Mac]

Thanks for your thoughts I will try and put them into practice not getting any advice from my psych only wants to talk about things in my passed think I quit getting more out of this my whole story is söoo long