SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

[Former-Member]

AS I WAS TRYING TO SAY BEFORE I WAS RUDELY INTERUPTED

Yep,  yesterday was NOT relaxing.  And today dads shower nurse was 2hrs late,  dad didnt know what he was doing or wanted half the time.  Wouldnt get up to go for drive 'till my friend from Brizzy rang me & i was having a great convo.  Got out the door 4:15pm when i really needed a laydown but it was goid to get out too.  Got 2 loads washing out (still out). Wondering if the cortisone + local injection Thursday has caused this agitation?  Frustration. Who knows?   We do have to take the god/goo with the bad,  hey.  Thanks @Appleblossom - my kidz never really had girlfriends / boyfriends - 'till after left home.  So glad you have your music.  

@Shaz51 are you keeping your sugars below 10? 

Gonna be cold tonight they say,  betta let the dogs in i guess 

[Former-Member]

C/O from "Good Morning" thread - moving too quick for me there but wanna con't topic.

I said "more agitated than i've felt for a long time, but not sure why. Done the dishes, washing, helped dad etc but missed chch and just not myself.
💻Faith-and-Hope said "Hugs Lapses .... hope the feeling settles soon .... 💐💕"
💻Greenpea said "Love hearing from your Lapses also love your new avatar Smiley Happy. Hoping your afternoon smooths over for you, Love gp xxxxx
💻Adge said "Hi Lapses Me agitated too, esp yesterday...
💻Appleblossom said "oh Adge thats no good you are feeling similar agitation to dear Lapses. Its one of the hardest feelings to get through. I have been a bit worried about Lapses with it. When I get really bad, playing the piano is about the only thing that calms me down and being quiet at home. No driving. Does anything help either of you Lapses & Adge ? ❤

I am not too bad today. cat sat beside me. Kids in other end of house doing music, and me at my end. A few loads of washing etc. Finished singing through the Beethoven and might start on my old timer collections and play through them ☺
💻Adge: "I agree  Appleblossom  Driving whilst feeling agitated is not a good idea. I find that doing a breathing meditation (eyes closed), helps to calm & centre me. I do a few of those each day - sometimes it only takes the edge off the agitation, other times it makes a huge difference (a new me). Either way, it's always worth the effort.
💻Appleblossom: "Adge, At least you are able to manage it a bit.
I used to meditate sitting upright, but mainly now I lie down curled up and meditate most days. My neck and back were really a problem and it was not until I gave myself to lay my head on a pillow in the day that I started to get better. I dont go along with brown being drab.lol. I love the patterns of subtle colour in many finches and birds generally. I have an old coat (10 year old but bought in op shop) that got great comments this week! Just by putting different browns together ... autumnal ...
💻Adge: "Yes, well I cannot meditate sitting upright Appleblossom. Even though I keep on being told (eg by psychologist) that I should be able to, or should make myself do it. It doesn't work for me, I don't relax - I have to lie down, cut out as much noise as I can, & cover my eyes. Only then can I relax & concentrate enough, to make a difference. I have been managing my chronic back pain (from scoliosis) for over 20 years, it costs me much sleep...

^_^^o^>_<+_+⊙_⊙+_+>_<^o^^_^

REPLY

💻 Thanks guys for posts, empathy & well wishes, connecting me in with your own pain (do not alone), picking up that i am troubled (anxious I'm 'losing the plot'). Memory is shot too, and dithering... Probably should have gone for a walk, but did have couple hrs laydown which brang relief for a bit - noticed breathing easier after a laydown, after brief Compassionate Breath Meditation, whoch made me fall adlerp. Surprising how tense my muscles are, don't  kmow whats doung it. Do ya think its from the cortisone inj or more lack of sleep? Thinking i need a 'drink' but as you say - best not drive.

Gotta cook dinner now but check back soon, needing moral support atm.

[Appleblossom]

I guess your prayer life and faith is a bit similar to meditation practises.  

I have dithery phases too. @Former-Member 

On my worst day ...

but there are also other parts of me ... as there are other parts of you ...

When dithery I go into sanctuary mode ...if people saw me like that they may not realise I am the same person .. as when I am together ...

its about finding a level of engagement that uou can manage.

Dont give in to fear of dither ... it might mean you need to centre and ground yourself ... for a bit  ..self care ...

and not be totally consumed by caring role.

Love Apple

[Adge]

Yes @Former-Member Apparently cortisone can cause sleeplessness.

I cannot remember if it did that to me or not.

Mum said once that she couldn't sleep after a cortisone injection.

A walk might help, it relaxes muscles & can reduce tension.

Adge

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Appleblossom & @Adge, i think you two really do understand. Makes the forums worthwhile. Will take some mag & analgesia shortly. Did your agitation settle Adge? How? Appleblossom. Thanks for dharing the 'dithers' with me. Withdrawing for those days is probably best. Just felt i had to rush out with redpite nurse here Friday. Appreciate you wer concerned for me, wow.
Friday i was a mess, lost my glasses. Misunderstood mums Foxtel account (3months overdue) for her Mobile phone acc when rushed into telstra shop to sort things out with them. They gave me what they call a "Bereavement Package" but dad loves the Foxtel so don't wanna get behind with that. Lucky, x3months & they disconnect. Anyway, felt like a goose. Getting his & my keycards mixed up. He just just got replacement card and i cant find his old card so raced to bank and it took me a while to believe them it didnt matter cause old card is on pin / not chip. Grr - but where is it? How could i lose it? Become more flusted / feeling out of control / losing my mind. And looking in my purse for things not there - DITHERING! compounded by social anxiety - must look like idiot. Getting 'odd' looks from people. Hate this. That was my respite day so i felt i needed to leave the house when i really should have rested.
Thanks for sharing you get like this too Apple

Anyway - judt helped dad to bed & dog bashing screen door tocome on& haveto dodishes whilewater hot. Andsoooo fuzzyin head. Amazed we can even type when like this 😲

My Psych CP review (for extra x4 visits) the depression score showed no improvement - actually worse, not that it matters much to me - Still better overall than 2+yrs back. Just part of the puzzle & trying to work out if i can continue Carer Role

[Appleblossom]

Def get dithery. @Former-Member Dont have any experience of cortisone. Hands up in air.

Have been dithery since my late 20s ... when doing too much whilst in pain and it all came crashing down. Mainly my children saw it now, tho not too often now

Recently my Social Rehab worker saw me in panic.  

She was good and last session reassured me that I was def getting NDIS.  So not to worry about that.  She also appreciates my strong points .. and in Disability we need to accept we have a range of attributes and not collapse everything into the negative.

You have heaps of practical and compassionate qualities. @Former-Member  I wished I had nursing skills, but dont ..so Dr google is it.  I love your humour. It shines through in so many of your posts. 

I am probably a bit drier, and am slowly finding my funny bone.  

The forum has really me transform a lot of anger and resent.  Being heard. Seeing others fall and get up and do it in style.  I carried a lot of anger, that I really struggled with when I first joined.  I have let a lot of it go.  Just keeping a bit on hand for dealing with social bullies when I inevitably run into one.  But there are heaps of great people out there too.

Am struck by the irony of your increase in anxiety and agitation to fit in with the respite nurse.  Wish I could help you with it.  Maybe the nursing thing triggers you somehow cos you have such high expectations of yourself.

I need to log off soon.

Ta ra

Take Care

[Former-Member]

Wow, thats pretty insightful @Appleblossom, nursing triggers... But also cause I'm not organised as i'd like and think they look down on me. Also,  when i did paid community supp work i never sat on my ass being paid when i could be helping lighten the load for the one i was giving respite too. Onw nurse actually said "respite shifts are like a holiday for me" (😠 ok that sucks, bite ya tongue... ) think i'll pull back emotionally - not be so friendly.

Yes, i started nursing at 16 and was bullied a lot (left out). In later years, after the breakdowns, i became methodical and got labelled as "not the fastest kid on the block" - just got tired. But yep, i want to throttle some of these girls some days.

Like that your music settles you. You have a gift there.  You have so many practical coping tips for us here,  for MI. And thanks for all the uplifting comments.

Had a surge of anxiety tonight,  with strong SI - fortunately u

it passed somewhere there. 

I get so scared the suicidal thoughts are gonna overtake me & ruin everything again.

It takes so long to come back from breakdowns, and we never really do, and we lose all our friends 😞  Doubt i'd survive another episode.

[outlander]

@Former-Member 💖

[outlander]

@Former-Member did you need to talk at all about your anxiety or your si you haad tonight?

[Former-Member]

Aww thanks for asking @outlander nut its ol now. Just shocks mesometimes this SI waves, bot like fladhbacks really. Control ya mind for a time and go. It takes all my internal energy to not act on these thoughts.

Are u ok?