SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

[Former-Member]

Hi @soul, thanks for replying. Wow, watching a boat be restored would be interesting. Yes, we are all a work in progress.

I had to distract myself from Blackdog pulling me down. Made avcuppa and fish and chips (from frzr), which didnt help much, so i had Baileys - its numbing things.

I have s lot of mixed emotions, maybe the weather has triggered something.

Its like I'm reliving a huge sadness emotionally but my brain can't connect what it is. I hate that.

Otherwise I thought I was fine, after a slow start from yesterdays long work day I made myself busy in the garsen :
firstly In the neighbours yard - I filled an entire Otto bin with the last few piles of fallen tree mess (nearly done) and . through remained ring long twigs over my yard for later. Couldn't be bothered getting the trailer out again with this sore shoulder etc. A fair effort raking and filling otto bin as it is. Then I
- repotted plants I found t the tip Tuesday. They had roots so hope they survive. x3 Rosemary & Money succulent. But I got on a roll and
repotted quite a lot.
- sat under my girls tree in the sun a while. Rearranged the sitting area there.
- watered everything.
- hung a load of washing.

Now I'm crying again. Wonder if a @Former-Member can help me, probably be OK I guess.

Thanks again Soul 💜

[soul]

Awww @Former-Member - sorry that you are feeling this way. You were buzzing all week. Is it all tumbling down down? You have achieved a lot this week. Is your body and mind telling you that you need to take a break?

I love herbs and am thinking about growing some. Do you use them in cooking?

[Former-Member]

Yes @soul, I seem to grow chives and parsley fairly well, and rosemary and lavender and oregano. Try to remember to put fresh herbs in my cooking.

[soul]

Don't you just love to crush those herbs with your fingers and smell their fragrance? Lavender is good for restful sleep. Perhaps you could put some in your bedroom @Former-Member. I can almost smell it now.

[Former-Member]

Lavender is beautiful @soul. my plant is struggling atm but has flowers coming on. Pruned back a lot of Rosemary this week, broke off little tuffs of leaves and saving them to drop in the wax burner. Just having it in the house smells lovely. Must out some lavender in my pillowcase. 

[soul]

Hope you are feeling a bit better @Former-Member. The thought of you crying concerns me.

[Former-Member]

Aww @Soul - I'll be ok, really helps to connect with someone . There's not a single soul on earth I'm comfortable just ringing and talking about sad times. I could just leave. But know a sleep will help, and I have the shop tomorrow. Are you alone tonight? Somewhere close by are having a party, music, but it is Friday.

I just found out yesterday a work friend is stopping chemotherapy and preparing to die. She has suffered so long. Its really sad as she's only 41 and has 5 children 7 - 15yrs old, I'm not close to her but care and feel compelled to do something - but what? She has lots of support, a hubby, a fridge full of meals... 

And there's my mum who is so skinny and fatigued with her terminal cancer now. But angry and hostile, difficult and cruel. and rips my heart out. 

But maybe this all just taps into my own past losses. 

I think I need to sleep now. Thank you Soul. Might chat tomorrow. Its warm tonight. Good Night 💜🌷🌿😴

[soul]

Good morning @Former-Member. Hope you got some restful sleep. I was feeling pretty tired and that talk about lavender enabled me to recall the scent and calmed me down, enabling a deep amd refreshing slumber. Yes, I am alone mostly. I live with my daughter but she has her own life often spending nights away at her boyfriend's house, days at work, evenings studying or watching a tv series in her room. We have dinner together maybe three nights a week. I see her perhaps for a couple of minutes before she goes to work as I have been out walking. She tends to eat some breakfast on the go.

I have learnt to live this solitary life. I used to have lots of friends but that has fallen by the wayside with my divorce, moving away, just changing lifestyles I guess, moving in different circles. I do some work from home so during that time, the dog is my company. I talk to her, tend to her needs. She understands. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to have a partner again with which to share my life but I am still feeling shattered from my previous experience. 

Cancer is awful. My Mum had lymphoma three times. It was heartbreaking to see her go through treatment. After the third time, she said she wouldn't have done it had she known how arduous it would be. Having to stop and start chemo because her heart rate was going crazy. Spending hours and hours at the hospital and feeling so sick and tired. I don't know what I would do if I was in that situation but I can understand why people say - no more. And it has a habit of coming back. Lurking in your body ready to raise its ugly head. 

Sorry that your friend is going through this. It must be hard on her and her family. Also having your mother cranky in her situation. Pain and despair can make people that way. I guess it's a case of trying to make allowances, trying not to take things personally which is easier said than done.

Hope you have a good day at the shop. I will go for a walk soon. I can hear a kookaburra laughing as well as traffic noise. You have to wonder whether he'd rather live in the bush than the 'burbs. 

[Former-Member]

Thanks for this lovely reply @soul, have to be focused to get to work (nearly rang in sick - re so tired) so reply better later. You have a lovely day today too 🌞🌷🌿

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member@soul

Cancert is such a brutal disease - I can understand how terrible it must be to have someone going through chemo - I have not been close to anything like that but my uncle died of it when he was younger than I am now and I was told he had 8 rounds of chemo - that has to be terrible and I can't understand why really

I get it when people say they have had enough - I didn't hear anything about my uncle until after he had died - no one in my fracture family thought to tell me

This solitary life - I am here too - and after a marriage and a log-term not-live-in bf - both dysfunctional - I prefer to be alone - that has its up-sides and its down-sides but in the long term - and it has been a long term - I prefer my life alone without someone else insisting I stop what I am doing to do something for them which I would have got around to in the long run - or giving me cooking lessons etc

But yes - life throws curved balls and there are all sorts of pros and cons for everything

Dec