Lived Experience Forum

[shanc]

@Ellie
That was a great post and insight into your experience of BPD. The part about abandonment read right out of a page in my book. So thank you

I Just have one more thought @Crazy_Bug_Lady
I read a lot of information on BPD and found many people got aggressive and violent, which was never me. This was confusing to me initially. Like @Ellie said 256 different combos of the BPD criteria. I'm now on with the diagnosis and can now understand a little better why I feel certain things. I am a long way from feeling ok but hope with the help of professionals you can be on the right track.

I'm afraid I don't really like bugs.. Ha ha

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Thanks @Ellie  I live in a pet free rental so I got some stick insects. It made sense at the time 😛 Now I have 5-7 diff species of stick insect, 3 tarantulas and 3 different species of scorpions. 😄

My GP is an absolute legend. He breeds and shows horses and we chat about his horses and the cattle I work with every time I come in, which helps me to relax. The first time I saw him about SH I completely closed down and he started talking about one of his horses and I started asking questions (and therefore talking again 😛 ). And he's open about everything, which I love, as I don't like not knowing what is happening. Long story short, he's a champ and I know I wouldn't be getting the help I need without him.

I am going to with my GP (and who ever else) Because while the antidepressants are helping a bit, I know I need to do more to get this under control. I'm not living at the moment, and I know I keep going on like this.

Reading others stories on here is certainly helping me, I see a bit of myself in each of these posts.

[shanc]

@Ellie
Can I ask you a question?? What did you mean when you said it's the staff who you get crazy with as part of holding down a career?? Although looking at me you would never know it but When it comes to work I am a perfectionist and can't handle people not doing their job.

I'm sorry to highjack this post but have been thinking about it.

@Crazy_Bug_Lady
Hope you hear from your GP today or gather the strength to call him

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

If @Ellie is anything like me, I love the work I do, I love working with my clients to meet their requirements, but most of my co-workers drive me batty. To the point where when I am feeling down I think of quitting because of them. But then I know full well that I couldn't cope with the stress of looking for and starting a new job.

I still haven't got the courage up to call my GP. I keep telling myself I don't want to bother anyone and keep asking. But I have put a note in my calender to call him Friday if I've not heard anything. And by Friday it'll be over 3 weeks since the Psychiatrist, so I figure there has to be something...

[Ellie]

Hi Shanc. Just sent you a reply, but it seems to have disappeared. I got a message saying it wasn't validated or something. If it doesn't turn up later this arvo, I'll redo it tomorrow and try again.

I think you can retrieve failed posts and I also think I've done it before, so maybe someone could send me the link on how to do it? I tried from "my setings" butdidn't know what to do once in there 😞

[kristin]

Hi @Ellie 

When "authentification ticket fail" message (or however it actually appears) shows the only way I've found to retrieve it is to tab back in your browser to the post and then press post again (I always copy it first in case). So I suspect it truly is lost in the SANE forums Aeter and you might want to post it again. 

BTW I think you are all doing a wonderful job supporting and encouraging each other here. I haven't added my two cents because I'm still so exhausted and trying to scrape my head together enough to do an update on my own recent journeyings.

Hope for better sleep endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[shanc]

@Ellie and @ Cazy_Bug_ Lady

Ellie, thanks for trying to reply.. The joys of cyber space. Look forward to reading your response.

crazy big lady can you please elaborate on other staff?? I have worked the last few weeks and love being back workimy with children but find it really hard when other staff don't do a good enough job
Not thinking I am some child guru but sometimes it take me a day to be able to talk to some of the staff if I don't like their practices. Does any of that make sense.

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Hey @Shanc. I am quite isolated at work, so I get really awkward around my workmates, because when I see them they always seem to be talking and having fun while I'm on the sidelines. And I get a bit annoyed with them regularly because I feel like I work so hard, and do so much, while others just cruise through the day...
But I can never get the courage up to talk to them or my supervisors about it, coz I don't think anyone cares what I think...
And one person (who also happens to be a supervisor) gets annoyed at me (coz I don't talk) and she gets offended and confronts me about it. Which is great, coz yelling is a massive trigger for me so I have a panic attack. It reached the point where in January she and I had to attend a Mediation. And somehow it's always my fault. I know I'm partly to blame, but I've explained over and over again why I react like I do.
And it's starting over again. And I hate it.

Sorry for the rant....

[shanc]

@Crazy_Bug_Lady
That sounds awful and sorry to hear it. I can see why you would have felt like quitting but agree a new job may be too much. Good on you for sticking with it. Hope that so called 'supervisor' has stopped being horrible.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Hope these forums are helping you and that you have gotten a little further is getting your hands on the report.

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Thanks Shanc. I still haven't heard from the GP yet. I'm gonna try and get the nerve up to call him tomorrow...
The thing is I absolutely love my job, and I love my clients. And they appreciate me too, and we get along well. One of them found out my birthday and sent me a text. 😊. So I do my best to stick out the problems.
This forum is brilliant. I've felt so alone in all of this for years now. And felt like there is something wrong with me, everyone else looks happy, and can handle stuff, why can't I? But talking on here and reading others experiences is helping me to see that really am not alone, and that I can fight this. And I will. I will fight these bad days and bad thoughts, and I will win.
Hopefully.