Lived Experience Forum

[Princessmolly]

I feel so strongly about not having another child. I just am not mentally tough enough to handle another couple of years of no sleep and PPD amongst other things. My husband knows/sees how much i love our son and he has always wanted two. So did i until i had one. Now he is constantly pressuring me for another. Parenthood has been the toughest thing iv done. I love love live my sin but i dont find parenthood to be particullarly remarding. I feel so lost on how to handle it. I have no family support and i was brought up by my dad who basically ignored me my whole life. Its like i dont know how to be a mother. I see all these other women doing it better and handling multiple kids and here i am feeling like im drowning. When i was really young my mum used to beat the daylights out of me. I just stopped myself mid swing from smacking my toddler for throwing his breakfast on the floor. Again. I dont smack because of what my mum did to me but its so tempting sometimes. Im thinking of having my tubes tied without my husbands knowledge. Sorry for the vent i have no one to talk to.

[Princessmolly]

I just want to find a good therapist to talk to who isnt a complete and utter tool. I am having no luck. Im sick of telling my story to strangers

[Sahara]

Hi @Princessmolly,

I don't think you should rush into having another child if you don't want to. You have your hands full at the moment. 

I think in our society, women are led to equate motherhood with instant bliss and fulfillment but, unfortunately, that simply isn't the case for many Mums. Most Mums I know equate motherhood with bloody hard work and stress!  At least they admit it... I worry about the ones who try to hide their dissatisfaction and who never speak up.

You say your husband is keen to have another child, but does he do around 50% of the childcare now? For some men, there is a desire to have children, but sadly, no corresponding compulsion to actually look after them on a daily basis.....

It's sad for me because my only experiences of motherhood have been through the eyes of others and they have all been very negative experiences. My own mother did not find having children rewarding. My sister had PND and another close friend has suffered PND and continued anxiety since having kids. My ex-partner was divorced with a child who ended up going completely off the rails. I don't know of anyone close to me who has had a good experience of parenthood. I have only seen all the bad. So I am probably not a good one to talk to!

Yes, @Princessmolly, you should absolutely talk over your feelings with a professional.

[Sahara]

I just wanted to add that there may be heaps and heaps of people who are not close to me who do love parenthood. It's just that I don't personally know these people and so I can't relate. 

[Princessmolly]

@Sahara my husband is a terrific hands on dad. He would do more but my son is a real mums boy so he tries to take him out as much as he can so i dont go mad. He cooks, cleans etc he has been picking up all thlle slack from my illness for a while now. He has even offered to be a stay at home dad because i like work but i still dont want to

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Princessmolly

I havent been online for a while because of my own issues but still think I may have some ideas for you:

What do you think: 

1. STop having to tell you story over and over again by maybe writing out your story, put it on a USB stick and add medication, how you live your days ...For instance:

8 am. get up

9 am shower, coffee, get dressed

10 am shops for dinner food 

10.30 am Clean the table top

11am   go to the park with son

ETC.

 and give the newcomer the USB stick....so you dont need to repeat your story over and over again. It's so annoying isnt it !! 

Can you see your GP about getting Silver Chain in once per week to have a coffee with you just for an hour per week? This is what I get so I have someone to talk to. 

Then every second week, a silver chain lady comes in and helps me clean the home for 1.5 hours. 

They also come for a walk with me and my dog, Arlo,  or go op shopping if I dont want a coffee.

Last week, my husband went to hospital but for about a month he has been ill. He smokes cigarettes.  It's been very worrying for me. At last he decided to go to hospital and he was knocked down with pneumonia. Im not going to tell you what else was wrong with him because you would probaly vomit with disgust but he is going to get home this week. 

He is diagnosed with spending times with mental ill health ( Chronic Paranoid Schizophrenia)

I know how you feel. My youngest son has been having panic attacks about owning his condition.....It will take too long to get into but he needs to have an MRI once every 6 months to a year and I've been there for him as well. 

I really really love and loved being a Mother. I had a terrible upbringing but at least I was fed and had a home to live in. My whole self was focusing on giving my two sons the best upbringing I could give them. Though I made many mistakes .....it seeems to have been okay.

I feel that if you just focus on 

1. you

2. your son

3.you husband

And see the positives on how you are treating your son, you will work out your own life honey. you seem very strong to find support by being here....

PP