Lived Experience Forum

[Thisguy]

I don't want to live a life of constant struggle and isolation, I don't see myself "hanging in there" for much longer unless this gets better somehow. Can someone please tell me what to do?

[Thisguy]

I'm 18, I need to be socializing with friends and having fun but instead I avoid people. I reject any thought of dating because of my problems and I need someone so bad it hurts, using this forum to vent helps tho. I can't even be in the living room with my family, or eat dinner at the table. I need a therapist or medication but I'm broke and I don't know where to start, can someone please help me

[Dino1]

I know how you feel. Really. I do. I have the exact thing you have. Being aware of all around you all the time. On the odd time it goes away because your not focusing on it.

I believe it to be directly linked to being stressed. The more stresed you get, the more it will get you down.  Even as I type this at work, people are around me. But I don't let it beat me. In saying this im over 40 and have this disorder since i was 15 or 16. YES,. it was fu*ing hell for a while. But I never gave up. I got into a band, and hammered the crap out of my drum kit. 

I find when you ....oh wait..it went away there for a few seconds ! Because I was focused on writing the message to you. 

Try breath..try relax..get your mind focused. (sorry for my spelling never my finest point !). (no spell check on this forum!). For YEARS  I never went to the cinema, cause I just could not handle it. So I just did not go. Only in the past 4/5 years Im back, and breath and relax, and say to myself,...what are you looking at? how can people tell that im in there field of view? It sould crazy. But its what I think, I feel. 

The more stressed you are the worst it will get. So the key is don't do things you cant handle at this early stage. But try to relax and not focus on it. I know this is not easy. Try playing some games on your pc, or go for a walk..go for a run. listen to music. 

It sounds like you have it bad, like myself. But I will not let it beat me. As for dating, same here. But im older now, and only maybe now, might try get myself a girl. And be direct, we are all human. no one is perfect. no one. 

I focus on my business, which I have built up for many years, and it has never done better. I work for myself, started my own business so I am in control. This was very very important to me. Because I could not function in a office job or such. Because I need to go where I want , look where I want....Even right now people are around me. But I will not give up. 

How does anyone prove that you are staring at them? Your not. You dont want to. Try say watch the tv or eat in the same room for a minute or 2 and then stop. Relax. But do tell you family and friends your not well, and need help, Trust me, people are fantastic. and there to help you.

Its not easy. God I know. But please dont give up. Life is just to much fun, well you can make it fun. it will take time. But do get back to us soon. Tell me your mind. 

Im here to help.

Dino1.

[johnny1]

Can u please dm what type of medicine it is too me

[Dino1]

There are clam the mind drugs.

But thats not the answer.

[Thisguy]

Why do you say medication isn't the answer? There is obviously something wrong with me and I need something that can fix it. I'm not going to be able to live like this, I can feel myself being pushed closer and closer to the edge and I need something that can help me soon. it seems to me that you have lived your whole life with this and still haven't fixed your problems so I would like to know, have any of you tried medication, and does it help even a little bit.

[Thisguy]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/26811120/

I've just discovered that I have AI-OCD. if a medication caused this hell can't one end it?

[Dino1]

Apologies. maybe medication might help.

I just never wanted to go down the road taking medication. Why? I don't know. Maybe I don't want to loose control, or maybe it might change my personality. Maybe it won't. I do not know. I do not take any drugs, zero for anything at the moment.

What I do know is...If I'm relaxed and feeling confinident, my problem is much less prominent. I just relax and say f*ck it, let them think I'm staring at them, Not my problem...Yes it does make people feel uncomfortable, but at times, I just say f*ck it.

I have even read stuides of "we are being watched". You know that feeling? Hard for us to feel that, cause we are the ones all ways watching!

I had cronic blepharitis  (makes eye lids very red). I was really self aware as a teenager. But now, its mostly cleared up today. I just have to keep them clean every day. This combined with little or no confindence as a teen, I think made me want to be more aware of people around me and thats why my mind just leave's my peripheral vision on most of the day.

I have learned , you can't have everything, or you can't be perfect. Most people in life have some form of a mental health issue. to quote google just now..

"Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S.—43.8 million, or 18.5%—experiences mental illness in a given year. Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S.—9.8 million, or 4.0%—experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities"

1 in 5 ! So your not alone. I think this is a key factor in feeling stronger and better about yourself. Its a daily struggle. Its just life. I was really down about 3 weeks ago, when I found this forum. But I was just working to hard and to many hours, I burnt myself out.  My doctor knows of my condition, and said take 2 days off a week. ..I work for myself, I normally work 7 days a week ! But I enjoy my work. I'm all ways planning and getting new projects going.

So yes, its a proper bast*rd haveing this condition. But I learned to live with it. I relaise that could be worse ! Might not be able to walk, or some other thing. It can be overwheling in the beginning but it gets better.

To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever rid myself of this condition. I have accepted that. Sometimes I say to myself, jeaus how did i get thru all those high stress times? But I did. I have helped many local people here, becaues they know I'll keep it private if that is there wish. And they know like every human, we all get down and stressed at times.  A friend of mine came to me a few months ago, on the brink. And said certain things how he felt about others. ...after just 1 hour of a chat, they said the relief of just telling someone....Back working now and feeling much better.....

I'd be interested if you get meds for it. I'm going for a walk now. Clear the head.

Its so easy for me just to say "stay strong". Do tell your parents or close friends. They will help a lot. Get professional help if you think you need it. I got some therapy when I was a teen, and it helped a lot.

Dino1.

[Dino1]

I have re-read the forum. It would seem there are meds out there that will help.

In fact I'm going to my doctor about this (I have avoided getting help for years). Why? I just accepeted it.

A new glimer of hope for me. Even though I can live with it. I can't imagine what my life would be like not having this condition ! OMG, the freedom. I'll keep you posted.

Dino.

[Liverpoolgal]

please do! X