Lived Experience Forum

[Fireflyseeker]

Hi @ShiningStar 

It's so good to hear from you, as always.

Yes, I do feel safe around my ex.  But thank you for asking.  I went 16 days no contact and then approached him as I wanted an apology for how he treated me before I broke off contact.   I got my apology but talked to him twice more that day.  So that was no contact blown.   But I started again the very next day and I'm now back at day 11. Although we did speak the other day but it was only about work.   Which is deemed "reduced" contact rather than no contact.   But of course I feel sad and alone without him.  But I need to break free from him.  So I can move on and hopefully find someone who treats me right and isn't a cheater.

So sorry to hear about the MRI not being g how you understood.   But I am glad you are persisting in getting what you need.  Yes, please let me know how it goes.

I have 2 weeks off work at Xmas as there is no care for my daughter available then.  We don't have any plans for the first week but the second week we are staying at the Gold Coast for 4 nights.

Do you have any plans?

I seem to be struggling with my night time eating again more than I had been.  And it is so disappointing for me when I eat at night.  Makes me feel terrible because it takes me further away from my goal. And as much as I've tried to figure it out I still have no idea why I can go for a week without eating and then eat the next 4 nights. 

Anyway, we all have our struggles 😪

Talk soon. Xo

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Fireflyseeker 

It’s so lovely to hear from you too 💜

I’m so sorry that it’s taken me this long to reach back to you 😔 I’ve been pretty snowed under lately and then just when things were starting to get back on track, I became unwell for a couple of weeks which didn’t help and so I’ve fallen even further behind.

That’s absolutely no worries at all - I’m so relieved to hear that you feel safe around your ex-partner 😊 Oh Fireflyseeker 💜 I can really hear how difficult and painful it is for you to sustain periods of non-contact and as such it makes so much sense that you’re feeling sad and alone during these times. As I sat here listening to you, I noticed that you mentioned periods of time where you’ve had ‘reduced contact.’ I really liked how you described this concept and I just wondered if working towards ‘reduced contact’ maybe a more gentle and balanced way to support you to achieve your ultimate goal?   

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with your night time eating again and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling disappointed about this. Absolutely! It’s such a horrible feeling when we suddenly find ourselves drifting further away from our goals and more painful still, when we struggle to make sense of why this is happening. One of the things that really helped me was keeping a journal. Through the process of writing down what had happened during my day (along with my thoughts, feelings and eating behaviours) I was able to see patterns which in turn helped me to be able to make a bit more sense of what was influencing some of my behaviours. As such, I just ever so gently wondered if this is something that you feel could be helpful for you too?

Thank you so much 💜 It’s a bit of an ongoing saga at the moment! I’ve been in touch with the Orthopaedic Department and they’ve now decided to abandon the MRI. I’m not too sure what this means or how they’ll determine what (if any) treatment I need without the MRI images to guide them, but hopefully everything will become clearer during my follow up appointment in the New Year 😊

I’m so sorry to hear that there wasn’t any care available for your daughter - that sounds really difficult. Although it’s been years since I’ve visited the Gold Coast, it always had a really great holiday vibe - which I loved being a part of! I hope that you both have a wonderful time away 💜

I’m just planning to take things easy over Christmas and spend some time with my family which I’m really looking forward to 💜 I also want to do a really big clean up before the end of the year and so that will keep me really busy too!

Thank you so much for your friendship and support this year - it means so much to me 💜 I hope that you have a wonderful time over Christmas and that the New Year brings amazing things your way 💜

Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you a multitude of hugs 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Fireflyseeker]

Content/trigger warning

Hi @ShiningStar 

I wrote you a reply this morning but something went wrong when I sent it and I lost all of it.   So I am trying again now.

As usual it is lovely to hear from you.   But I am sorry to hear life had been so hectic and then you've been unwell.  I do hope you are all better now.

Yes, no contact gets harder the longer it goes on for me.   I made it to 38 days following all the rules of the breakup course but then broke the number one rule and spoke to my ex.   And it wasn't about work.   And then I spoke to him the next day again and he grabbed me by the collar and pulled me into his office and hugged me.  I resisted at first but then I went back later to talk to him and hugged him properly.  It was so good.  As it stands atm we are both on leave from work. But we text every few days.  That was what I asked from him.   But he was actually at my house yesterday as I asked him for help to put my new rangehood in.  My old one broke.  I could've paid some one to put it on but after lots of big expenses lately I was trying to save money.   So he came and helped me.   But he did steal a kiss when we said goodbye.   I don't know if the current arrangements are any better than no contact.   I mean can I really get over him when we still have contact?   Or is that just dragging out the hurt?  I have a psychologist appointment mid January so I will see if she has any insights.   

Thank you for your suggestion of keeping a journal.   It certainly could help.  But after many dieticians forcing me to keep food diaries I have an aversion to journaling.  The good news is that my nights of not eating outweigh my nights of eating.  But on the nights I eat I can do a lot of damage.   

That is strange they no longer want the mri.  When is your appointment?   I do hope you get some answers and relief soon. 

It is hard yakka having my daughter 24/7 for 2 weeks without a break for me.   But my first week back at work I have a day off and I'm putting g my daughter in vacation care so I will get a break then.   And surfers paradise should be enjoyable. 

I hope you got the Christmas you wanted.  And enjoy the outcome of your clean up.  I have done a bit of that lately too.  And walking into my lounge room is now a pleasure whereas before it was just a mess.  But having a child and all their stuff adds to that. 

I really appreciate your support and friendship too ❤ 

I hope you have a lovely new year and that 2024 brings you answers and solutions.  And let's not forget Health and happiness 😊

Take care shining star.

Sending hugs. 

[purplesneakers]

Hi @ShiningStar this is a test post to see if I can say hello 😊

[ShiningStar]

Hi @purplesneakers 

Thank you so much - fingers crossed 😊

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Fireflyseeker 

It’s so lovely to hear from you 💜

Wishing you a very happy belated New Year - I can’t believe that it’s 2024!

Oh no! That’s so frustrating when that happens - thank you so much for reposting 💜

I’m so sorry for the time that it’s taken for me to reach back to you 💜 I’ve been in a pretty dark and horrible place with my mental health and so for the most part, I’ve just been trying to keep my head above the water.

Oh Fireflyseeker 💜 I’m so sorry to hear about what’s been happening for you and just from what you’ve shared, it sounds as though you’re caught between an incredibly painful rock and a hard place 😔 I think that’s such an important question and as such, I just ever so gently wondered how would you answer this?

For me personally, it was impossible for me to move on from my ex-partners when I was still in contact with them, as the wounds that I was trying to heal just kept reopening. And so maintaining contact not only prolonged my distress but it also kept me stuck in some sort of horrible ‘relationship limbo’ as on one hand I was in a relationship of sorts, but on the other hand I wasn’t.

That’s great that you were able to link back in with your psychologist and I just wondered if they were able to offer any insights?

You’re welcome 😊 That’s absolutely no worries at all - I can really appreciate where you’re coming from with keeping a diary! That’s amazing that the nights where you haven’t been eating have outweighed the nights where you have and I just wondered if the changes that you noticed have continued?

Absolutely! I thought it was really strange too when they sent me an email saying that they had decided ‘to abandon the MRI’ as during my initial appointment, the consultant was adamant that they wouldn’t be able to move forward without this. Unfortunately the information in the email wasn’t accurate and so during my last appointment, they told me that I still need to have the MRI and they weren’t happy that I hadn’t followed through. When I contacted the hospital to schedule a new appointment, I was told that the process had changed and so now you have to attempt the MRI with oral sedation. If that’s unsuccessful, they schedule another appointment for IV sedation. The only way to bypass the first step, is for your GP to write a letter stating that you require IV sedation. Thankfully My GP is incredibly supportive and recognises that oral sedation won’t provide me with the support that I need to have the procedure and so she emailed the hospital advocating for me to have the IV sedation. I’m hoping that the hospital will be in touch soon to let me know the outcome 😊

Caring for your daughter without a break sounds incredibly tough and exhausting! I’m so pleased that she was able to attend vacation care so that you could take a much needed break and I just wondered if you were able to do something for yourself on that day? Speaking of time away, how was Surfers Paradise?

My clean up went well and I managed to achieve nearly everything that I wanted to. I was trying to vacuum the interior of my car but I just didn’t have the energy and so I’ve just added this to my very long and ever growing ‘to do’ list 😆

Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending heaps of hugs your way 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[ShiningStar]

Hi @purplesneakers 

Thank you so much for all of your help with the technical glitches - I just managed to post - yay! 😊 

Take care,

ShiningStar 💜

[Fireflyseeker]

Hi @ShiningStar 

So good to hear from you.

But so sorry to hear you having been struggling mentally and emotionally.   That really sucks! 

I have been doing internet dating. It is not going well.  People match with me and then never reply to my message saying hello.  That happens all the time and is frustrating and disheartening.   Then there are the guys that chat to me for a while then suddenly disappear without a word.   I believe ghosting is the term.  I find that hurtful. And I've been ghosted a lot.  My psychologist says I am subconsciously choosing men who will abandon me because of one of my childhood schemas.  Which is depressing as how do I fight an unconscious choice?  And then there are the scammers.  Trying to get something out of you.  Fortunately I am pretty good at spotting scammers but it still hurts when I realise it's all been fake and I've been used.

As for my ex, I am still in contact with him.  I tell myself I am just using him to help keep some of the loneliness at bay until something better comes along.

That must be so frustrating with all the backwards and forwards with the MRI!  You must be so over it now.  But great your GP supported you with your need for IV sedation.  Let's hope you get some positive action now! 🤞

For about the last 2 weeks I have been eating grapes when I wake at night.  I am still unhappy I am eating but at least it is healthy and not some carb laden snack.  But I am not going to replace this lot of grapes when I finish them and hope that I'll stop eating at night.  It could all back fire horribly of course.

I do hope that you are seeing some light from your dark and horrible place.  I wish I could help in some way to ease your pain and suffering.

Sending lots of hugs 🫂 🤗 ❤  shiningstar