Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Bandit1]

Hi everyone, I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do.My son keeps talking of 'not being here at the end of the month', and he won't acept help.His father says he's had enough and we'll be moving house soon, and doesn't want our son living with us.I don't know where he can go...

[Tory]

Dear @Bandit1 You sound like you have a lot on your plate. Have you tried family therapy with a trained psychologist? If all can agree this might be a way out so you can all work together on the issues at hand. Dont ever feel there is nobody to talk to as I am sure you know this and where to go to talk to someone. It may take a while but it sounds like it needs working on in order to find some resolve. Good luck.

[pip]

Hi @Bandit1. That's a real concern for you. I presume your son is talking about ending his life? Can I ask his age? His depression has taken over his ability to think about what he's saying. Your hubby is at his wits end and has, I would guess, run out of what to say to help. Have you spoken to your sons Dr about his depression? Your son needs help as do all of you. Have you tried SANE's helpline or, depending on your sons age, headspace or BB's support line. Maybe your son feels he is beyond help, but he can be helped if he reaches out. I would hazard a guess at this stage you don't feel comfortable about moving or your son being told to leave. Would your son be prepared to accept a short hospital stay so he can be cared for and helped? Perhaps your Dr could arrange this if necessary.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Bandit1

I would be worried too but as carers we know we have to keep "alert but not alarmed".

Sometimes new boundaries can be set up with a house move, but something acceptable for your son may need thought .. how old is he?

[Bandit1]

My son is 24,and whenever I mention a hospital stay or anything about getting help,he says no way,and he's going to commit suicide anyway.He's tried numerous therapists as well as headspace but gets bored with it.His main gripe about headspace was that every time he had a visit,he had to fill out forms about how he was feeling and he hated that.I feel his dr is also at his wit's end referring him to different places and he won't commit.He stays in his room all day and has no interest in anything.He is on medication.I would love for him to go into hospital for a stay,but since his burns and everything,he absolutely HATES hospitals.I have told him about calling the helplines and he just says 'couldn't be bothered'.I'm starting to think that the only way he's going to get help is if the police are called and he gets committed...then he'll never forgive me and that may may make things worse.

[Appleblossom]

My boy is the same age and we arent out of the woods yet.

I can understand his dislike of hospitals .. burns are very painful.

How do you feel about the change in housing .. it effects you and your relationship with both husband and son?

[Bandit1]

I don't want to move,but we have to and his father is saying that he won't live with him anymore,so I better 'sort something out.' What am I supposed to do?He's putting it all on me.I was just reading 'suicidal daughter' and could relate to everything that was written.The mental health system is a joke,and it seems no one cares

[Appleblossom]

I was wondering if you were feeling torn between father and son ..maybe you can weigh in on the new home matter by also thinking of issues from your son's point of view.

I am lucky as I am in sole position to keep providing support and shelter to my son. I have set quite a few boundaries and my son is respectful of them.  I managed to get him out of his room ..I had to learn to do that and to expect more from him .. but in ways that he actually could deliver.   ...

 24 is still young, especially in these complicated times.  My thought and prayers go out to you and your son.

I need to go to bed now, but others may still be around. Please let us know how you go. Keep posting.

[perseverer]

Hi @Bandit1, I read your post with interest as I also have an adult son with suicidal ideation that has gone on for years. Caring for someone who is not complying with treatment or has given up is a special category and needs an experienced counsellor. Your son certainly does need help and the sooner you can get it the better. I often wish we had mobile teams of doctors, social workers and psychaitric nurses in Australia who could come to your home and treat the patient there. But we still have some great organisations with very experienced phone counsellors. I would be phoning them all for whatever light they can shed on the matter. Don't be too concerned about how your son will feel if you force him to have treatment. Your number one priority is saving his life. All the best.

[Bandit1]

Thank you,it's so hard to deal with someone when they won't help themselves.