Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

And she made a lot of comments about how the state foster care system is changing and improving. Which, yes, I know, from one standpoint that is great, from another it is useless to me because I'm just another ex foster adult they dumped. So what point is there in saying that to me? Too little, too late. 

Has no personal benefit or impact whatsoever. 

[Former-Member]

Here is the latest (absolute dumpster fire and disaster) thread I created if you are interested in reading and following, however, as I have said, I'm not looking for my own support here and it would be daft of me to expect anything from anyone here. 

@Appleblossom @Eden1919 @eth @Faith-and-Hope  @Shaz51 and anyone else. Surprised the mods didn't ask me to edit the post before last.... But I'll take it. I may or may not come here to post updates, but nothing really ever changes for me, so it will probably just be more of the same shit

Thanks if you did/do choose to read/follow. You can ask any questions you may have, if you like, or you can just silently read/follow or make any other comments you consider relevant. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks for tagging me into your thread @Former-Member.  I will be reading along.

[Shaz51]

Thank you  for tagging me into your thread @Former-Member 

[Appleblossom]

People on the forum do not always know what is posted, unless they look at the little window of recent posts at exactly the right time, or they are tagged.

@Former-Member 

It is very hard to explain those kind of experiences to people who do not have a clue.  They may try and I give them points for trying, cos many do not give a damn.

I catch a lot of public transport and have a lot of random conversations, and yes often relate to people, on the edge, or over the edge.  One young girl was telling me her story of being currently in care ... yes it is changing ... is it getting better ... ??? I just gave them some grounding convo with a random old lady.  They were fare evading ... and I warned them the inspectors  were coming ... random convos are better than a slap in the face ... or kick up the rear ... I have had to make do with my random convos as a way of negotiating life and was lucky enough to have a few especially when I was travelling overseas.  I did enough math to know what random means ... and let it go ... with a kind of detachment ... sometimes ... that very detachment is what is advocated by spiritual traditions ... I get wary of preachers tho.

Wondering if you have any security, or accomodation issues, or art interests ...

[Former-Member]

I have unfulfilled security. Not any that is in place or able to be gained from. 

Yes, I do have accommodation issues. I have had them my whole life. There's a place where I was put, but I don't have a home, and like always, the place wasn't my choice. Nor is the fact I can't leave it even though I would much rather not be here, and instead able to choose and decide for myself where to reside. Or rather, where the body resides, because the actual me lives upstairs in the brain just as always. Body ain't hospitable yet so it isn't like I actually reside where it does, not really. 

What is my world and what is out there are 2 separate things entirely. Still connected to reality in some small way, but different nonetheless. My reality and world only contains the worst and most heinous aspects of the world and reality out there, truths no one else knows and probably wouldn't believe because ignorance is bliss for most of them. No smoke and mirrors here. Not like out there. But they have a lot I don't and they believe in a lot I don't in here, too, so..... 

Art interest, no, not that I can think of. There are art things other people have always wanted me to do, but they're not my interests. 

[Former-Member]

Not used to tagging, and to be honest, think it is cringey, so probably no one saw that, which is fine, just saying if there do happen to be updates and you weren't notified, that is why. Not sure if and how often I will update because I'm still hesitant to write anything here about myself due to experience with doing so.....

[Former-Member]

Go me for failing to maintain a thread.......I do think the need to tag is cringey though.

@Appleblossom @Shaz51 @eth  @Faith-and-Hope 

I don't know, it just seems desperate, clingy, needy, demanding, attention-seeking to me..... Not to say that anyone who uses it a lot more than me is any of those, just that's my perception of it. Makes it even more off-putting to actively "be here". 

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member 

I looked up the DARVO thing ... and geez it fits a lot of scenarios.  I have an uncle ... who liked to boast about ... "best defence is a good offence" ... tends to make him and his kids pretty dominating, agro, challenging, and we no longer have contact ... cos I am sick of being railroaded.

I asked about your accomodation, because it is not a given, and without it, it is harder to build anything else of value.  Its good that you have a place to live. I hear you about the other aspects, it can make a huge difference feeling free to make choices and develop a home.  We all have to work with wot we got.  I fight my own ambivalence a lot. It can really get in the way.

I did not read your further posts til you did tag me.  Its not a requirement, but a way to get more out of the forum. People are more likely to read and respond ...  At one stage I checked all posts, but it is a lot of work, and a lot of posters do not hang around. I am not paid to go through the forum like that, so I lightened off,  with my 'save the world', messianic streak ... lol ... and use it more for my social contact needs and hope there is some mutual benefit ...in an organic ... give and take kind of way.

I was reluctant to tag at first, and some people dont want to be drawn in etc ... and even get argumentative.  Depends on whether one is feeling being yanked around or if there is decent interaction ... I guess??  I see the forum as a bit of an experiment  ... group dynamics ... are not cut and dried.

Sometimes interests emerge later in life ... what kind of food do you like?

I am eating better than ever . .. I had a low bar ... recently another lady who was raised in orphanages ... reminded me ... there were weevils in the food Apple!  Yeah .. I guess ...

I try and throw in healthy with the decadent ... so I dont wreck the bod too much.

I did a little work with Girrls Rock Melb once ... have you heard of them??   the whole gender trans experiences can be like dynamite. Hard to get it totally right for anyone ... just being open ... and include a few life issues so we dont get bogged down ... in the thorny stuff ...

Take Care

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member 

Once we have been tagged to a thread, and responded to it, we receive a general notification when someone posts on the thread.  That's why I asked you to tag me ..... now I am "on" this thread .....

Tagging any of us by username tells us who you are talking to, if you want to chat to a specific person or people ...... so you don't have to tag us all every time if you don't want to.

When I am really busy, or needing to self-care, I tend to go to the threads I have been tagged to first ..... and sometimes that's all I can manage ..... but we are all different in how we choose to use the forums.

Anything exciting in your day today ?  Mine has just been chipping away at small stuff.