Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

Hearing you @Teej 

[Teej]

Thank you @Zoe7, @Faith-and-Hope, @Snowie. 💜

I think venting has released the tightness in my chest and body a bit. Dog has just left with son which is a good thing @Faith-and-Hope. I nearly flipped my lid before. 

Chances of being a good girl tonight have been severely diminished but you get that 🤭😯. I hate that I was going ok, not great , but holding my own and then kaboom and I suck at doing anything helpful like a naughty child, except that I want to be good but the battle in my head between good and evil gets so big I turn it off by using drugs. I don’t deserve any sympathy for this. I’m the :pile_of_poo: who has to learn to deal with it........or not. 

Rant over. 😖😒🤬

[Zoe7]

As minor as it may seem @Teej you have done something good tonight - you have come on here - vented and received support - if you didn't want that support you would notn haven come on and that is a win. As for what you may or may not do tonight - we know it is your choice but are sitting here with you regardless - why? because we care about you. I know thatn is not what you generally want to hear butnit doesn't make it any less true.

Sitting with you Teej 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yep, absolutely ... sitting with you too @Teej .....

And you do deserve sympathy @Teej ..... compassion and self-compassion.  You are numbing this way because you haven’t (been taught ?) discovered better, more positive ways of numbing the crazy when it lands in your court ..... while you work at developing stronger coping skills in the background.

Walking is one of those positive numbing skills - one we all know my

mr. has taken too far, like, into the stratosphere ..... but that’s another story in another thread.

Once you fall back to that sh holding pattern that kickss off a new round of shame and self-loathing Hon ..... so try to soften it tonight .... water it down with music, puzzles, some ice cream ..... and if you haven’t made adult play dough yet, I am still recommending it ..... make it purple and put your fave perfume in it, or lavender, or whatever will make it more attractive, and squish it around in your hands for hours ..... throw it at the table or kitchen bench-tops to give an outlet to the aggression .....

Hugs n hugs n more hugs .....

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💐💕

[Snowie]

@Teejyou are doing the best you can under difficult circumstances. Take care of you...

[Faith-and-Hope]

Please take care of you @Teej ..... you are much loved here .....

💜💐💕

[Teej]

I’m ok @Faith-and-Hope, @Snowie, @Zoe7

im doing a puzzle for the first time in days and it is calming a bit and I’m slowly letting go of some of the anger and hurt. I have no idea why I am roaming this earth but I am. Will still be here roaming like a wounded bull tomorrow too probably. 

Someone hit my Achilles heel today 🤯. Not on the forum and it’s not necessarily their fault but it pressed every one of my buttons about being a great big joke of a human and that bought so much shame and anger and hurt and hopelessness. 

I guess you all were the calming part of my chaos. Thank you. 💜🤗

[Faith-and-Hope]

Attagirl @Teej .... 🤗💕

Glad the wave is subsiding.

Can we see the puzzle when it’s done ?

[Snowie]

@Teejyou have done all the hard work. Hoping the puzzle continues to help. 

[Teej]

much calmer 😳. Sorry for being a pain in the backside.