Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Heartbroken]

I need some advise from someone who has been here. Currently my 43 year old brother is sitting in jail, not being treated and talking about the police being murderers, hindu gods and imposters. He told me he wants a DNA test to confirm that we are actually related. This is tearing our family apart. He won't take his meds because they are 'poison.' He looks at me as if he wants to hurt me. There is no help, ring lifeline, they say....to hear what? Absolute crap that doesn't give me any real answers. Before he went to jail, they said there was nothing they could do until he did something wrong. Now he has and there is still no help!! My question is, will he ever come back from this episode? How can I help him? I feel like he doesn't want help as he is so deep into conspiracy theories. I am paying his mortgage and trying to fix up all his unpaid bills for the last 2 months. Would love to hear peoples similar experiences and any advise on helping someone who tells you he doesn't need help because it's all part of their plan. Whoever 'they'are?? 😢😢

[Special_k]

Hi @Heartbroken, thankyou for sharing your experience on the Forum today. It sounds like you love and care for your brother and just want the best for him. I'm Special_k one of the friendly moderation team on the Forums; you will see us around from time-to -time. Firsty, I have moved your post to our carer's forum; as I feel you may share similar stories with others here. I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time at the moment. It is so hard watching loved ones be unwell. It is important to realise that everything your brother speaks of is currently his reality and disputing that could exacerbate the situation and cause more tension between you two. furthermore as this is his reality, he may not recognise he is unwell. Sometimes the best thing to do is just to listen, don't feed into any delusions and instead concentrate on the emotion he is expressing. The jail would likely be assessing him for MH conditions and potentially treat him while there. If you are his official guardian or carer you can request to be filled in on any treatment and evaluations given.  I'm unable to offer insight from a personal perspective, but I hope you find the answers you are looking for through this forum.

[Heartbroken]

Thank u Special K. I know this is his reality, which is why I have never questioned it before and even had conversations about the voices and their intentions. Its just now, he is so angry. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are black and he bears his teeth at me. I have no idea how to deal with this?? I am worried he will never return from this one.... He has been assessed in there and is being provided with pills, but I am sure he is not taking them.

[Appleblossom]

I visited my brother in gaol which was horrific for me, but he was not in there for long.  Their anger is at the world and their sense of helplessness at their situation.  You just happen to be close.  it doesnt help I know, because we do love them.  We cant take it personally.

Often they give depot injections when they are not medication compliant. perhaps that might give him enough to calm him down enough to get some reasonable communication so you can make decisions.

Can you actually save his house?  My brother did not own anything, just a car. If your brother managed to get a house maybe he can get back to the work he was doing in order to get it.

Holding you and your family in my thoughts.

[Heartbroken]

Hi Appleblossom, Thank u for the support. I have just been in touch with his lawyer who has told me he is next in line to be sent to the prison psyche hospital where he will be unable to avoid taking his meds and injections will be given, if necessary. This is just heartbreaking, I can't believe I am supporting involuntary injections but just feel there is nothing left to do before one of us gets hurt 😢. He doesn't have a house, but a houseboat, completely isolated and as dirty and smelly as I don't know what, but I will do anything to save it so he doesn't become homeless as well. He is unable to work. Thanks again.

[-karma-]

Hi @Heartbroken

I thought you might like to start a conversations with other members who have all struggled with getting help for their family member, or getting their family member to accept help.

It is such a common story...I liken it to watching a train wreck about to occur!

@Hopeless, @Smeggles, @Forfamily & @Gemcrest

[Former-Member]

hello heartbroken
i cant believe that i am reading a post which is similar to what i am going through with my adult son.
my son has in the last 4 or 5 weeks been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. he was detained in a public hospital psychiatric ward. he was and still is in denial. he has thoughts that all the police are sheep and whilst i took him out for lunch when he was in the hospital everytime he saw a police car his tone of voice changed to sneering. i think he is relating back to being detained by one or two police officers and taken to the hospital. he also called the registrar psychiatrist at the hospital a sheep and bought him a soft toy sheep which he handed in at the nurse station when we got back. i didn't know what to do i tried softy saying that isn't very nice but i backed off because his mood worsened.he was given two depot injections at the hospital. he wants to sue them. there are so many people he wants to sue .he has acquired names of top barristers in the country. he has been very busy researching he has been discharged from the hospital and is now under a compulsory treatment order to go the mental health centre fortnightly for an injection.i don't know if he will turn up. he is staying at a house with friends, whom i met 2 of when i visited and they appeared to have mental health issues also. the social worker has told me that if he doesn't turn up for his appointments he will get a letter and if he doesn't respond and turn up then he will be detained in psychiatric ward again. she said very common. my son is appealing his diagnosis with the tribunal. he has talked to me on the phone since where he was abusive and whilst crying my eyes out i had to tell him that he could not speak to me that way. he told me to f.. off and hung up. he did send a text message straight away to apologise and then phoned me after to apologise over the phone. so my real son is still in there. i know that he is very unwell and am praying that he will come to terms with that and have the injections so that he can have a better quality of life. he doesn't have his own home. he used to live with his dad but there was a huge amount of conflict between the two of them - too much putting him down which has only exacerbated his health. he will be looking to rent somewhere at some stage. i thought we were going to look at a place when i went down there last week but we ended up looking for the uk consulate who moved to Melbourne 5 years ago it seems. my son wants to emigrate to uk , take out dual citizenship as i have English background. he wouldn't tell me where we were going i just had to follow him blindly. i can feel your pain. trying to deal with some of the staff at the hospital and social workers was an absolute nightmare. at least with your brother whilst in the jail system he will be forced to have the injections and that might be enough time for them to start working. hopefully he will feel a little better and then you will start to see glimpses of your beautiful brother again. as hard as this is we just have to be there for them even though the illness side of them is pushing us away. the real side of them is so frightened. oh gosh i just cant begin to understand how frightening it is for them. one thing i have realised is that i have to be very careful what i say which has been so difficult because i am treading on eggshells. i mentioned anxiety to him and he went off his head, was i saying that he was crazy too, on and on. eventually he said that it wasn't anxiety, he is just stressed. so i now know only to use the word stressed. so whilst listening to him now and holding my breath, thinking carefully how to respond without sounding condescending, or accusatory, or in agreement, i am constantly looking for clues for words that he uses that i can use back when i speak to him. oh goodness you probably cant make head or tail out of this. just know that i will hold your hand and perhaps you can hold mine whilst we both continue on believing in our loved ones. at the same time looking after ourselves. I'm not ready to let go of my son that is one thing i do know.

[Former-Member]

so sorry about the length. i keep clicking on quick reply and writing whole books in response.

[Former-Member]

oh I'm sorry but i really don't want to visualise a train wreck. i must be misunderstanding your meaning. everyone is so lovely and thoughtful on here. finding this has been such a blessing for me.

[-karma-]

Hi @Former-Member

I'm sorry. What I meant is;

that you can see something is about to happen, and yet are helpless to avoid it happening.