Lived Experience Forum

[armadillo08]

Hi, I'm in my last years of high school and battling with depression and intense feelings of failure. Sometimes, I think I'm possibly the biggest failure in the world. I've tried praying to God, having counselling, and changed schools. But it still continues.  Most of the days I feel lost, I used to be an A straight student with awards and good scores and prestige.  Now? Yeah, I'm pretty much a loser and failure in my parents' eyes. My dad's pretty much given up on me solely because I'm doing online schooling (he's called me a loser multiple times) due to bullying and not coping with the environment at school.  I feel lazy, depressed, and a loser. Ultimately, I feel lost. 

[pip]

@armadillo. Your final school year would be the hardest and most pressurizing of all, I would imagine. With everything that's happening, bullying etc, you still have to face an uncertain future. Your dad is not helping much with the added insults from him. I don't see you as a loser, I see you as someone who is still fighting to keep it together, fighting incredible odds to 'do well' at school. Have you been in touch with 'head space?' Or kids helpline, both organizations are there specifically for kids who are having difficulties at home and school. Are you doing 'home schooling?', in some ways that would be harder I would think. If you're not integrating with other students your age group, trying to 'fit in' would be harder because of lack of peer role models. You have a lot on your plate and possibly with pressure to get a job, not knowing what you want to do. I suggest you phone head space or kids helpline, not for counselling, just to talk and get your frustration out. You also need to 'vent' about your hurt with your dad, just because he's 'dad' it really doesn't give him the right to abuse and bully you. Are you in a position where you could leave home? Perhaps find somewhere to stay till you figure out where you are and your direction in life. Possibly being away from pressure at home, might give you the breathing space you need.

[Former-Member]

Hi armadillo08,

I am absolutely amazed how much your generation has to put up with. My son is 14 and he would come home and be upset because he got 80% on a maths test.80%!.I was in high school in the 90's and remember being so happy with 64%. He said everyone mum, is getting 90%+.

Today society is that focused on achievement but everything is seen, posted and scrutinized, no wonder you are so loaded down. Do you even get time to enjoy things?.

Having a parent who finds negitivity in everything you do must be awful.Being an A+ student sets that benchmark high from the beginning. What do you do?

Your feelings are totally normal, don't ever feel that those feelings are wrong or dismissable.

Now, your talking to an oldie here( 38 yesterday thankyou!) but year 11/ 12 is the hardest years ever. You have to finish school, and then tackle the world of being a adult. I did not get to finish year 12, I worked, got a head start, missed my friends.Home schooling must be harder.

There are some great helplines for teenagers, many going through that pressure you have.You said that counselling was tried, maybe try a different one. Trust me I have done the legwork on counsellors, just a matter of time and you could find a good one. Talking to your Dr although if you have a family Dr, might not be the best decision. There are youth clubs. Is there are family member you are close to? that sometimes works really good. My year advisor/ counsellor at school was lovely. Any church groups? Some have a great teeenage support groups.Home schooling makes this a little harder for some things.

I wish I could fix the problem. I can't but lots of people on here can provide help as they may have a teenager going through the same struggle.Or, teenagers on here.

Talking about it is always a great step. Just getting it out and sharing can provide some relief.

All the best. Cheers Ms78

[armadillo08]

Thank you for your kind words! I agree, there's a strong pressure to achieve in school, social life, having a b/g friend and sports.

[armadillo08]

Thank you for understanding! And yes, I'm doing online schooling which is similar to home-schooling but entirely the same.

[suzanne]

Hi @armadillo08, here's something that never gets mentioned at school.  You only need the grades required by your chosen occupation.  That relentless pressure to achieve, that's so stifling of happiness and anxiety producing, often isn't necessary. Do you have a sense yet of what you want to do in life?  Where your interests and skills lie? IMHO success in life is about finding out what you enjoy and are good at.  Once you know that, and have the autonomy to pursue it, things become so much easier.  

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't know that yet though.  It wasn't until my early 20's that I worked out that I wanted to be a Psychologist.  I then went back to uni at 26 and by that stage entry to uni wasn't based on what my school grades had been.  The pressure I'd put myself under was for nothing. 

Right now you feel subject to your parents hopes and judgements, your schoolmates bullying, teachers marking etc etc.  But I reckon that the very best thing about growing up and becoming an adult is getting to live according to your own standards and beliefs.  When we stop needing to please others we discover peace and freedom.  The relief of it all! 

I'm saying this to give you some hope.   Because out there somewhere is a tribe of people who will share your interests and value you for who you are and what you can do.  You may not have met them yet.  But as you start to know yourself more, and to live according to your own values, you'll find them.  And life will get a whole lot better. 

For now, try to block out the judgements of others.  The more you learn about yourself, the faster you get to the good stuff.

If you haven't already done so, also check out www.reachout.com where you'll find some young people going through very similar things. 

Take good care of yourself @armadillo08.  Because you won't want to miss the good stuff that's down the track.