Let`s talk about Bipolar

[MermaidHair]

Hey @Acanthiza @Doog @tyme @Captain24 and everyone else 👋

(Sorry I could only tagged those on the last page)

I was just reading along here and relating a lot. I thought I better introduce myself as I'd like to participate here. I have bipolar type 1 but medication makes me more like a type 2 (no mania anymore).

One of my favourite quotes about bipolar is "I hate being bipolar, it's awesome". I think it really encompasses the highs and lows and how the perspective can change in each state. It also inspired me to embrace it a bit. 

Hope everyone is well 

[Dimity]

Hello @MermaidHair and welcome. 

Something that strikes me about Bipolar is its variety - from one person to the next, and one episode to the next, and all the different meds etc. 

[Doog]

@Shaz51 @Dimity @MermaidHair @Captain24  @tyme .

I'm in a bad way again. Long drive home yesterday.  Lots of caffeine to stay alert. Had been visiting my daughter interstate. Instead of enjoying my time with her I thought about what should have been. Wouldn't have done anything but all the time on the way home thought about all the ways I could end it all on the drive. And today just can't get interested in anything. Just ruminating...what could have been.  No future. Grow old all alone. Lonely.

I always thought what I had was too good to last. People often said to me 'don't worry it might never happen.  I sat around waiting for it to happen.  Then it did. And now I've got nothing. How can I go on? How can't I with my children and siblings...

Safe . Tired. Plodding on.

[Dimity]

Commiserations @Doog . I'm at a low ebb myself. But like you said, safe tired & plodding on.

Hopefully you can settle tonight and be pleased you made the effort to see your daughter. 

Take care.

[Acanthiza]

Hey peeps @Doog and @Dimity 
Sorry to hear things are not great, I'm also not traveling the best unfortunately (hence me writing here at 4:30 in the morning 😅) just need to remember the magic words "this too shall pass". A lot of me feeling alright is carefully not thinking about certain things, which is probably not the best way to deal with it but also... I have been thinking about those things.

@MermaidHairI'm glad you don't get mania anymore, even just getting hypomania I really hate it. Do you have long depressive periods? Mine can go for months and months. Dimity is right bipolar is so varied, it is really confusing!

Well, all the best to all you bipolar buddies, and everyone else on the forum struggling along. I'll go back to ruminating and waiting for the sun to come up.

[MermaidHair]

Thanks for the welcome @Dimity 🤗 Ah yes definitely, so varied! As painful and disastrous it can be at times I think it's extremely fascinating. I call it my "bipolar lens", getting to see and experience the world from very complicated and multifaced angles, from the highest highs to the lowest lows, the views are ever changing..

Try take care of yourself please @Doog, I know easier said than done but it's important.

I have experienced drawn out depressive phases @Acanthiza, I have somewhat of a seasonal pattern so during the winter time I'm more prone to depression and during the spring and summer mania/ hypomania. I really felt what you said about questioning and worrying anytime you feel good. I spent a long time with the anxiety of 'is this mania or am I actually happy?'. I've developed some strategies to be able to tell and having people close to me who know me also helps. I think it can take awhile to learn to trust our own judgement while trying to reach or maintain some sense of stability. 

[Captain24]

Hi @MermaidHair @Acanthiza @Dimity @Doog 

Im in a low phase as well. It has been 10 months of it with it getting worse and worse as it goes on. I have reached crisis level with it. 

My hypomania only last for a couple of hours now. I guess the medication has that under control. Now it’s trying to find the right medication to help with the depression.

Im hoping that an admission will help with med adjustments. 

[Doog]

Hi @Captain24 @I'm sad that you aren't feeling so good. But it's good that you've got plans to try and get to a better space. I hope the hospital staff are supportive.  Mine certainly were. I guess that's why they do all the training.

@Shaz51  @MermaidHair  @Acanthiza  @Dimity 

[Dimity]

@Acanthiza @Doog @Captain24 @MermaidHair long drawn-out depression is the pits. I hope new meds can help @Captain24 - my psychiatrist is reluctant to use antidepressants (risk of mania) and said there's a newish mood stabiliser that seems to help depression. But I've been becoming aware of underlying issues that maybe I can deal with to help tip the balance, so that's my main strategy for now. 

My sleep patterns are out of whack at the moment. I've never been sure if it's cause or effect, but it's a complication. 

[Acanthiza]

You have a point @MermaidHair bipolar has taught me a thing or two about how subjective reality is. I got in an argument with someone recently and when they were saying that logic was immutable I didn't know what to say, how can you convince someone of something you have lived and experienced?

I am only relatively recently diagnosed but mood stabilisers are definitely helping me. Not a solution but taking the edge off the depression and letting me bounce back faster... I think. I am so unsure of my own emotions and how they work haha. I really hope they find the right meds for your depression @Captain24 no-one should have to go through that.

@DimityI was afraid of taking antidepressants and never went on them, turns out that was probably a good instinct on my part for the same reason. Well anxiety was useful for once at least!

I am glad there is a place like this to talk to people that have had the same sort of experience, even if it can be pretty different. It is hard having something invisible like this, I think a lot of people don't know exactly how nasty extreme emotion can be, sometimes for absolutely no reason.