Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hello  what is everyone doing 

[Former-Member]

Hewo

[PlushThePlushie]

Hi! We're new here (just joined today) and thought we'd jump in head first. Beforehand, it is nice to see that we aren't the only one with littles.

Similar to the topic, I'll split this into 3 groups, however they'll be categorised as pack members, non-pack members, and spirits. Most ages are either unknown or ambiguous 

Pack members:

PlushThePlushie - host (guidelines means no name :p), She/Her

Kaebha - "Pack leader", has most influence, touchy but means well, She/Her
Scent - tree leaves and cinnamon

Carlia - Team medic, very chill but also enthusiastic, She/They

Scent - mix of herbs and sterile

Lycaea - The "normal" face but surprisingly strong, She/Her

Scent - no scent whatsoever

Karina - hot-blooded gal, She/Her

Scent - oil and grass

Lowell - stupid young teenage boy who's sappy and annoying. Aka. A troublemaker, He/Him

Scent - raw meat and berries

Non-pack members 
Sila - magical scientist

Scent - maple water and blood orange

Kaiz - sailor

scent - sea salt and wood

Spirits:

Apollyon - Destruction incarnate, very aggressive, what/ever

Scent - copper and metal

Ezrinath (Ezra) - Succubus, result of host and Apollyon co-fronting, She/Her

Scent - Turkish rose and dark chocolate

Headspace best described as a picturesque mountainside forest, Pack has dens in a cave system whilst others live in various separate areas. Any questions welcome and encouraged. 

We also, similarly, have C-PTSD, depression, general and social anxiety, with the addition of BPD and ADHD.

Most of us really enjoy talking about the system and its intricacies so please don't hesitate. 

[Albert2]

Hi @destructive I know this post is a while back but I have the same issue, my theropist does the same, I find it irritating. Sometimes he picks up on who is out even in the waiting room. Other times he just keeps asking and asking and effing asking!

[Albert2]

Hi All

I am new to the forums and have very little support, I have never met any one else with DID.

A question, most people mention hearing internal voices from alters, I have this too but for some of them I can "see" their thoughts. What I mean is that I get a complete picture of what they are currently thinking in one glance, so not a flow of words and sentences. Do other people experience this or am I ... crazy?

The whole DID thing is like a big black weighty cloud inside my head. I seem to cycle from ok to not ok to suicidal to being in hospital, attemping suicide, to locked ward to ect (against my will) then out again and the cycle repeats, only good thing is that I think I am getting better at it.

No I am not currently suicidal, just feeling like shit.

Cheers

[TuxedoCat]

heya @Albert2 Welcome to the forums ❤️ Thank you so much for sharing your experiences in a new place. I hope you find our special community a supportive place. I thought I'd tag @Fluttershy1 because I know you're active on the forums and thought it might be useful to connect

While I don't experience DID, it seems like there are a huge spectrum of experiences. Are you worried about this difference at all? 

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling crappy, especially if it's a cycle that you feel keeps happening. I know a lot of us on here have similar cycles happening. Hopefully we can all learn from each other about coping with the cycle. Thank you for letting us know you're not feeling suicidal right now (we try to do that on the forums!) ❤️ 

[Albert2]

Hey @TuxedoCat @Yes every DID system is different, I just haven’t read of anyone  “seeing” an alters thoughts, maybe this is common, as I said I haven’t actually met anyone else with DID. One of my reasons for joining the forums is to share DID experiences.

This cycling and the pain when I become suicidal is just …beyond what I can deal with. My s attempts are getting better, hopefully I can get off the roundabout and find peace at the bottom of this cycle. I know this sounds extreme but the only answer seems to be weeks of ect treatment which is just horrible. I then feel okay but there is no resolution or solution, just the promise of another cycle.

Sorry to sound so negative but I just don’t seem have any answers.

Again, no I am not currently suicidal.

[TuxedoCat]

That must be a really tough place to be in @Albert2 ❤️ 

I know when I've been that low, it was super lonely. So I hope you can find some community here. And you don't need to apologise for sounding negative, lots of us here will understand those feelings. Hopefully the forums can help you find answers.

Do you have any supports outside the forums? The forums is useful for community and sharing what's worked for us, but it definitely isn't a replacement for some 1-on-1 support (especially around thoughts of suicide).

I thought I'd share you a link this post which talks about How to guide: Create safety online when talking about suicide. I've found it a really useful guide to figure out how I post about my story.  What do you think about it? 

[Albert2]

Hi @TuxedoCat 

@Thanks for the link, that give me info on a lot of things and how to talk about suicide.

Am I planning suicide, yes in a vague sort of way for when I am next involuntary admitted to hospital. The way I tried last time didn’t work and left me with some damage, won’t do that again. Am I safe for now, yes I am.

The only support I have is my psychiatrist, he is good with drugs and ect but talk therapy not so much. My wife freaks out when alters are out so they know to mimic me, well most do. I do let her know how I am feeling but how do you tell a loved one you are planning suicide which will hurt them really badly? In fact how can I do that at all?

Okay I have hijacked my own thread which was to ask about how people communicate with their alters. Apart from voices do others “see” what alters are thinking and planning or is it just me?

[TuxedoCat]

❤️ Sending big hugs @Albert2 

I'll keep this brief so your main questions can be answered, but the SANE counselling line and webchat could be good place to start?