Lived Experience Forum

[Jlol]

About 25 years ago I was in highschool. We had someone come to us from a program called "Boys Talk", which came about in the 1970s. It was about getting high school boys/men to open up and talk about their emotions.

Last week I attended a webinar through my work places EAP entitled Men and Mental Health. The entire thing was just about getting me to open up and talk about their emotions.

In other words, in the last 25 years the rhetoric and approach to mens mental health has not changed. And indeed longer, if you want to go back to 1970s when this Boys Talk program started.

I don't know about what how other men on this forum feel about it, but I for one am sick of all men's mental health issues being summed up in "men need to talk more".

Talking is a 2 way street. It's one thing to tell men to open up and talk more, but that means the person they're talking to should be listening.

Like it or not, men are still expected to be the stoic, unemotional rocks in society. Both genders reinforce this stereotype (indeed, personally, I've had way more women call me "gay" or a "wuss" or "not a man" for revealing emotions than other men ever have). Maybe that's why after 25+ years men are still unwilling to "talk about it"?

And guess what? Men's mental health issue go beyond not be able to talk about it. There are countless other multifaceted things that affect it. Jobs, family, responsibility, loneliness, homelessness, isolation, etc.

Sorry for the rant. It just really bothers me that society just seems to infer "Men's mental health issues are their own fault because they don't talk about it".

[ArraDreaming]

Yeah just like it’s mens health week and nobody has even mentioned it

[chibam]

I agree with this more than I am able to put in a concise post, @Jlol . There is so, so much wrong with the way men are treated with regards to their mental health. As you say, we are expected to "open up more", but are often treated badly when we do. And when we do reach out for help, we find that there is none really there.

I can't help but recall, maybe about 7-10 years ago or so, a series of ads on TV about prostate cancer prevention. It featured a bunch of stern-faced women staring down the camera, giving the order "be a man!" The narrator's  voice then kicked in to expand on the message, "'Man up' and go through with the highly uncomfortable/painful procedure of getting a prostate exam."

Then I think of the ads that were on roughly the same time for the prevention of cervical cancer - roughly the female parrallel of prostate cancer. It featured a very gentle urging by a female narrator that: "Yes, a pap smear can be uncomfortable. But getting one every 2 years can reduce your rate of dying from cervical cancer by XX%"

Men get treated like shameful criminals for being reluctant to undergo a painful medical test; but women get the same message in a warm, coddling voice. How is that sexual equality?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Jlol 

So confusing being male today.

@chibam certainly bough back accurate memories.

Years ago returning from a movie, a lady had to walk down a dark street to her car. Started walking with her and was greeted with "i am not useless. I dont need you to walk me"

So mental health is also confusing because some suport and some do not think men are affected. I do think if you change people or ask for a male, it may assist

[Little_Leopard]

Hey @Jlol 

Bloody horrid patriarchy and misogyny (fear of care) benefits no one, especially not men.

I am a strong believer that misogyny hurts men just as much as women and for all of the reasons that have been articulated in this thread.

I think that society has focused mainly on fixing how misogyny hurts women and has failed to address and fix how it hurts men.

As a mother I never tell my son to stop crying and I always encourage him to talk about and express his emotions. I could think of nothing more terrible to do as a parent than shaming my child for his natural and healthy emotions. The emotional and physical toll that it would take on his little body is unthinkable. 

I say fuck the misogynistic and psychopathic patriarchy which cruel to all of humankind, animals and to our earth. 

[Jlol]

Yeah I'm a bit confused too. About the same time ago as I was walking to my car in a parking lot I saw a lady with a flat tire. I was about to approach her to ask if she needed help, then decided not to because of that sentiment ("I don't need your help!"), so I just erred on the side of caution and didn't involved myself.