Lived Experience Forum

[Ney]

I've been so anxious and down for almost a year trying so many things , I just guess I'd love to not feel so alien , to have someone to chat to about anything and everything from music and movies through to bad days and inner thoughts , I'm scared being alone in my own head is what will eventually end me 😞 -Ney

[TRIANGLE]

@Ney

Hey you have come to right place for friendship and undrstanding.

[Ney]

Thanks so much @TRIANGLE trying to work this out so I can chat to someone I tried calling the lifeline number and as soon as someone answered I panicked and hung up 😞 feeling incredibly alone 😞

[MagicAnt]

Hey @Ney, would you like to talk about what you are going through and how you are feeling today?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Ney

You posted in the right place as you have friends here who relate to how you are feeling and will support you through this anxious time. You are definitely not alone. Talk about anything that your mood dictates and we happily join in when we can 

[Ney]

Hey @MagicAnt and @Former-Member currently I feel like I'm pushing everyone away but completely lonely at the same time . I just found myself today feeling alienated , places like Facebook made me feel even worse and I just wanted someone to talk and joke with , everything feels hopeless , and it took everything I have just to have my first shower in three days little stresses make me meltdown and yeah I could go in and on just not coping 😞

[Former-Member]

Good to hear from you @Ney

Facebook doesn't do much for me either as it can be a bit fake at times. Nothing is better than a good laugh and talk with someone in person - always lifts me. 

The catch 22 with depression is that we are less likely to go out and socialise to find those connections. Do you find that? I have had to push myself something savage to get out the door lately and I have always felt better for it.

That is a good first step having a shower when we are feeling so low. I know the feeling. Even that effort does help us to feel a little better. Well done. Are you seeing anyone for your depression and/or taking something to help cope? 

I have been part of support groups face to face also in the past which I found was good when I needed to talk to someone. I could either attend meetings or phone someone in the group when feeling down. 

Baby steps are all we can do sometimes when all just seems like too much - one day at a time. Do you find music helps lift your mood at these times?

[Ney]

I'm my own worst enemy with music I always go into the let's just say depressing song lists on Spotify when I'm like this 😞 I've been seeing a psychologist on and off I'm terrible at that too as I get anxious and try to get out of it when the day comes around .. I tried anti depressants etc and nothing worked . I can have a day where I function fine .... work social bubbly ... but then I find I'm wiped out for several days after 😞 . I had a lovely boyfriend but broke up with him two weeks ago as he was frustrated I dident have enough time for him and I was sometimes 'out of it' I joke around that I'd totally give him five stars on yelp he just dident understand depression anxiety and it got to a point I realised he was waiting for me to get better and for the sad times to stop and I don't know if there will ever be a time I wouldn't have a bad time inbtween the bad , so I ended it he was lovely about it and dident try to stay and I haven't had a text since. I'm just thinking maybe I can't connect with others? Maybe I'm so different no one will ever understand? I just don't know anymore everytime I put myself out there I ultimately end up feeling more alienated like alone is all I'll ever be in friendships and relationships and I ever do is try to make sure everyone else around me is happy when I'm .. not

[MagicAnt]

Hey @Ney, I  know it would sound like something trivial to someone without mental illness, but taking a shower is something you should be proud of.  Even when I am at my lowest, I always push myself to have a shower.  I always feel better physically and mentally, and it makes me feel that having achieved that, I can move on to something else.  As @Former-Member said, baby steps.

it also a part of a daily routine that you should try to develop and maintain.  He bout of bed, shower, get dressed, eat, etc.  Are there any quiet places to walk near where you live?  Fortunately, where I am there are plenty of parks and well established paths that are relatively quiet, and I make a habit of going for a walk when the sun is high enough in the sky.  The sunlight helps maintain your body clock, which is an important thing to maintain when you are depressed.  The warmth of the sun on these cold winter mornings also makes me good both on the outside and on the inside.  And don't tell anyone, but it makes me feel a bit like Supermab soaking in the sun's radiation, making me feel stronger!  Though, I still haven't been able to fly yet! 😉

Other than this forum (and silly cat videos), I try to stay offline when I am feeling down. Social media in particular tends to aggravate my symptoms, so I give it a miss (truth be told, I try to give it a miss even when I'm feeling OK, because I'm not particularly interested in the latest item of activewear a girl I knew from 30 years ago just bought from Lorna Jane, or how the NutriBullet has changed her life!)

What sort of music are you into?  Do you play a musical instrument?  I play in a covers band, and at times I feel that without the band and my music, I'd have nothing (other than an awesome collection of Star Wars Lego!)   When I'm down, I put on th music that makes me happy, really loud, and I sing along!

Just remember, however lonely you feel, there will always be someone on here to chat with, so you'll never be alone.

[TRIANGLE]

I hear you @I could really use a friend bout the music.

I thought i would put on music to cheer myselfe up and relaised after a few tears that I was in the zone of depressing songs.