Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Rafaga16]

Hi, 

I am new to this forum but wanted to reach out for some advice please.

I've been married to my husband who has a serious gambling addiction for the 18 years we have been together. 

Although i work fulltime i am still reliant on his wages as now pays the rent and has been the past 11 months.

We have 4 children, eldest 17years and the youngest will be 12 this year. I have asked him on several occasions to leave but he refuses. I don't have anywhere to go to with the children and although he pays the rent, because of his gambling addiction i feel it is right that he should be the one to leave. 

I am in so much debt having to provide for the children and struggling to make ends meet because of his addiction. 

I am soo tired and soo drained mentally....I am no longer in love with him and have fallen out of love for quite some time now. Everyday after work, i make the children's dinner and i would stay in bed until the next morning. Constant fatigue probably from being depressed. So much negativity has happened within our family due to his addiction. I have been playing the role of a mother and a father to all four of our children since our eldest was 6 months. My husband has a temper issue and has been very abusive mentally and quite controlling, obsessive, jealous, insecure and very toxic.

I have not spoken about my mental state to anyone nor to my family. I do not want to burden them with my problems. I am the eldest girl in my family and all my life i have been the responsible child having to cater for my families wants/needs. I am the person my family (grandparents, parents, siblings) are reliant on for just about everything. I have always catered for not only my children but for my extended family always....I am just tired....Even as i am writing this (at work) i am trying to hold my tears....i do not even know if i will post this...just knowing that someone will read this gives me a sense of being heard....I am not looking for pity.....just someone to talk to....

I work in Melbourne Health and will reach out to EAP counselling today after work....I was looking online for free counselling as i cannot afford to pay for professional counselling.

There is so much i would like to share about what i have experienced or still experiencing in this toxic marriage....I wish it was that easy to just get up and go with the kids....

Last

[tacocat]

Hi @Rafaga16 

Welcome to the forums, and sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time; It sounds exhausting, to say the least.

Have you tried phoning the Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858?

They can provide some information and support over the phone, as well as referral to ongoing services that are free to access.

I hope this help, and take care. 

[Rafaga16]

Hi,

Thank you for replying.

I called that gambling helpline two years ago in hopes of assistance for my husband. Was unsuccessful.

Will try again for myself

[Tranquil_Atoms]

Hi @Rafaga16,

Welcome to the forums, and thanks for sharing your story.

Your situation sounds very difficult. So sorry to hear what you are going through. No one should have to feel this way. 

Just know that not all abuse is physical and there is support out there to help you through this.

Have you ever come across Orange Door? They offer great support in this area. 

https://www.orangedoor.vic.gov.au/

Let us know how you go. Look forward to hearing back from you. 🙂

[tyme]

Hi @Rafaga16 ,

After reading your post, we have sent you an email.

Are you able to read it and responds as soon as you are able to?

[defaultusername]

Hi @Rafaga16,

Welcome to the forum, and thank you very much for sharing your story with us.

I am very sorry that you are in such a difficult position, it's sounds like it's been hard for you for quite some time now.

I think @Tranquil_Atoms' suggestion of The Orange Door looks like a great support service for you to connect with.

There is also Safe Steps for out-of-hours (24/7) support, their website is https://www.safesteps.org.au/ and their number is 1800 015 188, with web chat available Mon-Fri 9am till midnight.

Know that you're not alone and that we're here for you should you need to reach out again.

Take care,

defaultusername

[Tilz]

@Rafaga16  You have been a great mother and all in one a strong women to hold everything up.  How are you? How the things for you now? we are always there for. Holding hands with you.