Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Zoe7]

I hope the 'powers that be' fully grasp how disruptive (and I believe unsafe) that would be for D2 and they see through his lies and need for control and let her stay with you @Faith-and-Hope - where she belongs 

[Faith-and-Hope]

He has created such a trashed-up mess of our affairs @Zoe7  that it is all as clear as mud, and in cases such as this the powers that be often write off both parents.  His latest move might be his undoing though ..... have to wait and see ..... and if a legal authority is placed over D2, that might also be the best / only way to protect her while his illness slowly makes itself apparent ......

🙏 🙏 🙏

[Zoe7]

Going os certainly suggests he is both not serious nor capable of putting her needs first @Faith-and-Hope and I hope they see that for exactly what it is 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Me too @Zoe7.

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope 🙏💖

[Zoe7]

Keep floating Hon until the day you can swim again  @Faith-and-Hope 

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️ @Zoe7 

[Corny]

@Faith-and-Hope I really feel for you and the mess your exhusband has created. 

There are so many people in this world that don't deserve children and don't deserve pets. They lack the capacity to take care of them and are too unwell to keep them safe from harm. 

It's disgraceful that he is using your vulnerable disabled daughter as a football.....I don't know if he has a leg to stand on, surly in the middle of a global pandemic he can't take her to the other side of the world away from her home, mother and siblings......

When I give advice to people I must come across as so cynical, dark and negative, but they may forget that I am at the end of my journey with the narcissistically disordered abusers in my life and they are all dead or I have permanently ceased any contact or a relationship with them. I'm not in the middle of it anymore, I am looking back, and when you finally have to face all the damage they did to you and all the losses they caused, you are a lot more sombre in the advice you give. I really don't think you are ever going to get the recognition you want from the legal system or even people in your life as to how unwell he is. Even the word unwell isn't quite accurate because I associate that more with episodic states not personality traits. Your exhusband is not in an episodic state, these are in my opinion developmental disorders similar to the autism spectrum. 'Disorders' are not granted the same seriousness of mental illness, the system is very biased that way, and it fails to keep innocent children and adults safe. This is most easily seen in the legal and justice system. It may not have made the news over in WA but there have been some utterly horrific violent crimes here on the east coast by people with mental disorders not mental illnesses, one in Western Sydney was horrendously terrifying. If she had had a psychotic illness I guarantee you she would have been locked away forever out in the Psych hospital next to Long Bay jail, never to be released, ever. Sentences are biased towards psychotic illness. She had a combination of ASD, intellectual disability and was described by the psychiatrist as very narcissistic. 

Your husband isn't physically violent or abusive, I am just using these extreme examples to demonstrate how personality disorders such as NPD or anti-social PD, in the medical and legal profession can easily fly under the radar undetected and are extremely difficult to treat. Its a social problem that goes back a few hundred years and is related to how 'madness' has been depicted in society and culture. If he isn't psychotic, he's pretty much fine and harmless. 

It's gonna be a long journey for you @Faith-and-Hope and you will fall in a heap of fatigue once its all over, or at lease there is some sort of finalisation. It takes years off your life and its not until you see photos of yourself that you realise how much it ages you,

Corny 

[Emelia8]

@Corny 👍💗

@Faith-and-Hope 🌷🌻💖

[Faith-and-Hope]

I appreciate all you have written @Corny.

Strangely his disorder appears to be prematurely aging him, but that might be as much to do with his now-long-term eating disorder and other driven aspects of his nature.  He doesn't allow himself any rest ..... which goes with the "condition" too.

Yes, I am predominately on the east coast at the moment, and I am very aware of the horrific cases here of the last few years.  Once the nature of NPD and closely related conditions are clear to you, there is no in-seeing them, and you can read into the media coverage all the red flags that were missed, diluted, or so protected under the system that those in peril couldn't get their warnings or cries for help heard.

Under current Covid conditions I don't believe anyone would allow my daughter to go "there", but vaccines are rolling out, and the world will change, and for-life decisions are being made ..... I don't know, amd can't trust, that the bigger picture will be seen, so can only wait and see.  Certainly his decision to go when he did seriously raises eyebrows, but I need more than that.  I need questions raised about decision-making ability, priorities, safety ..... 

😔🙏