Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Louise]

Sorry to have missed the discussion about Christmas last night.

I can relate to "Tired; just tired."

I quit my job in October to care for my son who had been hospitalised with psychosis. The good news is that after 6 weeks he is now well enough for me to look for local work. The bad news is that my job provider told me on FRIDAY AFTERNOON that I do have to do a 25 hour course this week, after previously assuring me I didn't have to do it. So I have to fit this course in around a psychiatrist appointment, dental appointment, Centrelink appointment, managing my mothers finances and 4 hours of paid work. So stressful I do not have time for Christmas cards etc. I doubt I will even manage to complete the modules. If they'd given me the correct information in the first place I could have enjoyed this, as I really do want work...but doing it under this time pressure is exhausting.

The only other stress this Christmas is that my son will be spending some time with his father and step-mother. I hope they don't bitch about me in front of him because it puts pressure on him to either keep it secret or tell me and see me get upset. This sort of stress could have contributed to his psychotic episode in the first place. I try to maintain a stressfree environment here for him but it's hard not to get upset when you're accused of "abusing the system" because you're unemployed.

OK, that's my Christmas rant over....Sorry!!

I do hope you all have some true peace and joy over the next few weeks, remembering God's love to us in Christ

Blessings

[BeHappy]

I feel for you @Louise. So much to juggle. I feel like I'm going to drop it all. 

That's a real pain about having to do that course after you were told you wouldn't have to. It's only understandable that you would have went ahead and make plans! Can you reschedule anything to lighten the load?

I feel really uncomfortable when I feel like someone is going to talk about me behind my back. It's not good for kids (even if they are grown up) to see that type of behaviour. Poor role modelling in my view. And as you mentioned could create pressure for your son. Is it possible to set up a plan with your son? Talk about how he could respond to such behavior. Perhaps go through scenarios, and talk about things he could say and do.

Just ideas on my end... It's always easier to give advice about other people's situations.

I'm looking forward to the Christmas season ending and getting back to 'normal' (whatever that is) pace of life again.

[Hobbit]

Hi @Louise ,

Welcome to the forums!! I'm sure you will find this a great place to talk with other great people, find some great support and get some great advice. What I am trying to say is this place is great!!

I'm with @BeHappy - you have a lot on your plate and I really feel for you also. I often think, dealing with Centrelink and job providers is basically a job in itself (so how do they expect you find the time to actually get a job whilst doing all their requirements?!?!)

It can be hard with family too. All I can say is from reading your short post, you quit your job out of love for your son, and are now trying to maintain a stress-free environment for him. You are obviously doing the right thing as after 6 weeks the situation has improved enough for you to consider going back to work. This to me is not abusing the system, this is loving and caring for your son. That's beautiful, do let anyone else tell you otherwise!!

PS - I love your last comment, and wish the exact same for you.

Hobbit.

[Louise]

Thank you @BeHappy and @Hobbit!

Amazingly I have finished the modules....and even managed to actually apply for a real job!

Tomorrow my son goes to spend the day with his father and stepmother. He hasn't seen them for a few months, he hasn't seen his stepmother since before his psychotic episode. I asked him how he feels about seeing her again and he said it will be fine. I didn't want to discourage him, I just wanted him to be a bit prepared, so I said "Are you sure?" and he said yes, it will be fine, he will handle it. I don't want to start any trouble so I just left it at that. Hopefully it will go well.

[CherryBomb]

Thought I'd just share this article about maintaining balance during Xmas time.

An interesting and relevant read for those of us stressed out about Xmas.

[Louise]

Lovely article, thanks @CherryBomb

[Jo]

It was good to read the article. Christmas is always difficult for me. My son always seems to relapse at about the same time in the days leading up to Christmas, no matter how well he has previously been doing. So as usual, I have the difficult decision to either attend the family lunch with family, including 5 grandchildren, or spend it alone with my son. I don't like the thought of my son spending Christmas alone all day but I don't like to let the family down either. Does anyone else have this annual problem?

[CherryBomb]

Hi Jo,

I can't say that I share this issue with you, but I'd like to point you in the direction with others that do. In this thread @happygirl talks about her struggles with staying home to care for her loved one versus going out. You might like to connect with her to share experiences. 

Also @Snoo talked about having to stay home every Christmas to care for their loved one in Topic Tuesday last week. Perhaps @Snoo could offer some suggestions?

CB 

[Cazzie]

Great article. Thanks @CherryBomb. I'm fine with owning my problems and feelings. I guess I do find it difficult to allow other people to express their feelings and frustrations though, particularly when they're in my house. I really don't appreciate my/our hospitality being taken for granted or having my feelings disregarded.

Now that everyone has left I've just told my husband that I don't care if one lot of our "guests" never come back again. Not only did they take the hospitality for granted my husband was scrubbing out one of our bathrooms because our "guest" left it stinking like a urinal. Our second bathroom, used by three or four other men and give or six females, didn't have to be touched other than normal sweeping and cleaning. We were both appalled.
On top of all this they brought an elderly parent with them who (1) is recovering from viral meningitis, (2) didn't cope well with the seven hour car trip to get here and (3) spent all but about eight hours of the four and a half days they were here in bed.