Lived Experience Forum

[sadmama]

Hey guys. So here's the story. I'm a 24 yo health professional with a 3 month th old beautiful boy. Before and during my pregnancy I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression but didn't understand why I continued to be violent towards my partner by screaming and crying at 4am paranoid about everything and breaking doors when he would hide in there from me. J didn't find out until 3 months post partum that I had BDP. The day I was diagnosed my partner said he couldn't do it anymore and left me. He then said he still loves me but wants me to get help but I'm scared he will use this against me in court when it comes to custody with our son. I've called beyond blue, lifeline, saw my therapist and left messages ona local hospitals psychotherapy BDP program unit etc with zero replies. I can't seem to find the support I need. Even a little regular BDP group meetin would be so nice. It would feel so great for me to link with young women as well as many others with my condition. I feel so alone. I've lost so many relationships and feel like I'll never have a normal life or have people who will want to stay .....

[Mazarita]

Hi @sadmama, welcome to the forum. So sorry you are having such a hard time finding the support you hope for. I'm going to tag in a few people I think may have BPD on the forum, who may be able to reply to you too. I'm thinking of @outlander and @Phoenix_Rising.

I have bipolar. I too have been abusive in relationships, with me it's been verbal abuse of partners. Since I fully realised what I was doing, I have worked to stop this, and the right medications have helped a lot too. There is hope for getting over these troubled behaviours.

Have you tried googling your local area for community mental health centres and/or community mental health organisations that might run mental health support groups? I would start there. The local mental health centre in my area, run by a non-profit organisation, is a really good support for me. Hoping you will be able to find something like it in your local area and keep reaching out here as you need to as well. 

Kind wishes. Maz

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sadmamma - im so glad you have come here to the forums, im sure you will find a lot of understanding and support here. Having mi and parenting is hard but it sounds like you are seeking help and support which is so important. I am a single mama and have been so scared about how my mi dx's were used against me in court but despite his best efforts the courts could see that the kids were ok and better off to continue to live mainly with me... but the mudslinging and continual stress of court is not easy... so support is a must.
As you have a young bub is there a child, mother parent centre nearby? they may be able to help with linking you in with support services or help to ring different places as well? Community mental health services and HeadSpace could be other options (i think Headspace is up to 25)...
I hope you find the support you need in the wider world, as well as receive some understanding and kindness here,
take care

[Phoenix_Rising]

Good evening @sadmama,

Welcome to Forum Land. I hope you are able to feel supported here.

I am so sorry to hear that your partner left you the day you were diagnosed with BPD. I can't imagine how awful that must have been.

I am a 40 year old woman who was diagnosed with BPD at 19 - so a long time ago. I can certainly relate to the challenges of trying to find good support. Have you heard of the Australian BPD foundation? Here is their website: http://bpdfoundation.org.au/ They are gradually building up a list of resources and services across the country. Project Air also has lots of good information on their website: http://www.projectairstrategy.org/index.html Project Air is based at a University in NSW and there is lots of great research into BPD happening there.

I'm about to head off to bed now, but I hope to see you around in Forum Land. There are quite a few people with BPD here. You are not alone.

[girl99]

@sadmama

sorry to hear you are feeling so down.  Having young children is hard work.  Do you have a good psychologist?  Maybe try to find one and get some regular appointments, if you can? Get him/her on your side. This could help you in court if your ex decides to be difficult.  From what I hear, it's not about you having a 'disability' (let's say mental illness is a disabiity), but that you have help and support in place.  Be kind to yourself. Babies and hormones can do crazy things to us women    

[sadmama]

Hey everyone ! It really really touched me to read all your responses that I received so fast ! God bless you all really have me hope ! Thank you to everyone with all your links and suggestions and I'm so happy to virtually be introduced to each of you 🙂

It is indeed hard and I'm going to look at those links you have given me . ❤️

[outlander]

hi @sadmama

welcoem to the forums. i see youve met some of our loveley members. sorry it took me so long to reply to here.

i was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well, so im not too sure a whole heap about it myself but im happy to chat to you 🙂

[sadmama]

Hi 🙂 yes I like these forums it's so great especially when I'm Struggling to god a support system in my area 😕 I've lost so much because of what I have 😞

[outlander]

the forums are my main source of support too @sadmama

fidning the rights supports are hard but not impossible,its taken me 6 months to finally be on stable meds and have a psychologist who i click with. once youve started though its all about keeping on keeping on.

have you got any supports in place at the moment?

[sadmama]

Hey there 🙂 yes you're indeed right about it being hard ! What was harder was finding the motivation and energy to get out of the house after birth and get help. I have a psychologist but he said he couldn't help me andbyhat I needed to do psychotherapy. It's hard also having the stigma of mental illness attached to me. I'm of south East Asian background and mental illness is hush hush in our culture so even my family doesn't take me seriously 😕
I feel so alone. I've been contacted by a BPD program but said that I need private health insurance for it and with private health insurance you have to wait I think 2 months before you can use the psych benefits. Sighs ...... it's gonna be a touch year starting now ! But I'm on meds and I do like my psychologist I'm just sad my little family is broken but the. Again for anything to work I need to get better or at least stable . Pregnancy really heightened my emotional state it was pretty bad for my partner 😕