Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Blueturtle]

Hi,

I’m looking for some advice for my older brother. He has moved in with me but doesn’t want to be helped.

He stays in his room and doesn’t want to come out. Sleeps all day. Watches movies at night. Only eats 1 meal a day which he orders online. Says he wants to punish himself & can’t stop what he is doing. He hasn’t worked for close to 3yrs and now won’t respond to phone calls to ensure he gets the government money. I’m worried what to do if his money gets cut off as he is already in debt and I can’t financially support him. 

He can’t afford to go to his psychologist and has stopped taking his medication. 

How can I get him back on track? In the past, we just try and ride it out and figure it is the bipolar but this feels different as has been going for more than a week. 

[tyme]

Hey @Blueturtle ,

Thanks for posting. 

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. It sounds like he really needs to get out and do something in relation to his mental health. 

Unfortunately with anyone, unless they want help, it's hard for things to change.

Since he is living with you, is it your house? Does he pay board/rent? 

[Blueturtle]

Thanks @tyme.

He isn’t paying any rent at the moment. I’ve been trying to help him get back on his feet but now feel like he is taking advantage of it.

I’m trying to be patient & understanding but I’m out of ideas as to what I can say to try and motivate him to want to help himself and make life better 

[tyme]

Thanks for letting us know.

I'm hearing you. I think it's about empowering him to make changes by putting some boundaries in such as even paying $50 a week towards board. 

I hear you want to help him out, but I also hear that it's come to a point that he may be taking advantage. 

I don't want to tell you what to do, as this is not my place. However, from experience, if people are quite comfortable sleeping all day, watching movies all night, ordering one meal a day, then why make changes?

IF, he had to consider paying a bit of board/rent, had to see to his mental health as part of the conditions living with you, then may be what he needs. Thoughts?

Also, would he be open to go have a medication review? Or be open to you going with him or something?

Things are not working for you at the moment, so something has to change. Boundaries and conditions are so important as a way to protect yourself and him.

I'm interested to hear what you think.