Battling MI whilst caring for someone with MI

[utopia]

Hello @Bella1978. The wedding sounds good. So great to have a room and the Bridal Suite at that, to head to when you both needed time out. And good that you both had each other. A hot chocolate on the way home. A perfect way to end the day.

No didn't do the 5km walk. Didn't fall asleep til 5am. So too tired to go. I did go and see the Documentary Gurrumul. I saw it a month and a half ago. Mum and I went to Melbourne to see it. But was lovely to see it again.

No housework done. Only washing the dogs beds, blankets. Lazy day.

I understand you not wanting to help your sister. She can call a skipor her friend can. And she can organise it's pick up for the next day. She doesn't pay you to be her carer.Glad you stayed firm.

When is the meeting with the staff at mums hospital? Have a private chat with them afterwards about your concerns re; Mums shopping lists, and how will you cope when she's home. They need to know these things too. That way they can help you both.

I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow afternoon. So I will talk with him about my prognosis and so called 'recovery'. I'll also get him to fill in the Centrelink paperwork with all the details. He can sort it out. Then if they want me to come in, I'll bring my case manager with me.

That's pretty mch all from me for now.

[outlander]

@Bella1978 will take a better read to catch up on your news tomorrow. Cant think very clearly tonight. The lights are in but no ones home
Hoping your asleep but if your still up happy to chat if you like ❤

[Bella1978]

@outlander

hey sweetheart, you okay? haha, yep, i know that feeling of the lights on but nobody's home !

im still awake but my bed is calling me lol ... you not sleepy luv?

x

[outlander]

Sorry @Bella1978 i thought you may have been asleep considering tye time so logged out. I slept ok though hoping you did too. Wishing you a good day

[Bella1978]

@utopia

Hey luv, im over at my thread now lol … just reading the message you sent me last night.

So nice you and your mum do things together. and im glad you enjoyed the gurrumul doco the second time around hehe!

Good on you for having a lazy day – at least the dogs beds got washed! 😊 I didn’t do any housework today. I really struggled this morning, couldn’t get out of bed and couldn’t stop crying. One of my close friends came over this arvo to spend time with me. it was a good distraction as im not good on my own atm.

you know utopia, I have never felt so alone. My mum is everything to me and im losing her ☹ I feel that im losing my family. My brother died when I was 14, my dad died when I was 25, I don’t even feel that I have a sister – all I had was my mum and im losing her. my two closest friends mean the world to me. but I do feel so alone without my mum. It probably sounds so childish as im 40, but she’s my best friend, I would go to her for advice, and she would always be there for me. she was my rock. im really struggling not having her the way she was. Why has this happened? I don’t understand ☹ and my thoughts worry me sometimes. I can see I am spiralling downhill with my depression but its as though I cant do anything about it.

The family meeting at the hospital is on Wednesday luv. im not sure how it works however, im assuming its just me and the doctors. I don’t think mum is involved in it. and ive told the social worker I don’t want my sister or uncle there – at the end of the day this is on me, whatever is decided is going to impact me directly and what needs to be done. I do have a lot of concerns and like you said, I have written them down to discuss them with her treating doctors. I am very scared about what will happen when she comes home. I honestly don’t think I can deal with it, not if this is her behaviour from now on. They haven’t confirmed dementia but im preparing myself for it. and Ive done some reading on it, and she does fit with some of the symptoms.

Didn’t hear from my sister at all today – after everything I told her about what I am going through last night. But I shouldn’t be surprised. She doesn’t even text to see how I am. I told her that I thought she was self absorbed and very selfish last night. She said no one has ever called her selfish before. First time for everything hey!

xx

[outlander]

@Bella1978 some big emotions for you. Remember to breathe and rest too ❤

[utopia]

I don't think it's childish at all to have your mum as your best friend @Bella1978. I think it shows the strong bond you have both shared over time.
I feel for you. No you don't want mum to come home if she is like this. I get it. She is demanding at the moment and not the same. Being her carer up til now has been based on her health until about 2 or so months ago. But things may be different now. You might choose not to be here carer. Who knows.
But I think it's important to wait and see what is said at Wednesdays meeting. Then you will have all the information you need to work out what to do next..It won't be an easy decision. Emotions are wrapped tight in our thinking. But you don't need to face it alone.
I'm here. The social worker and support services are there to give you help. That help may be advice or may be more hands on practical. But you won't know until after the meeting. So try and wait til then. And try (I know it's hard) to block out all the 'what if' scenarios running through your head.
Sounds like it might be time for you to see your therapist. Maybe more talk therapy or techniques on quieting the thoughts or medication. We don't want you slipping further into depression. Better to get it looked at as soon as you can.
Am thinking of you and sending you love and strength.
Just know that whatever happens on Wednesday, there will be people there to help you too. Take advantage of their help.

[Bella1978]

@utopia

Ooh i do like this new mobile site. Much better.

Thank u for ur wise and kind words.

I telephoned the carer liaison officer this morning - the lady who saw me last week. She wasn't far from my home so she dropped by to see me. It was lovely of her. She gave me some  advice on how to deal with mum. She was talking along the lines of dementia, and explaining what's going on in mum's brain atm. It calmed me down. I have no boundaries with mum - she says jump and i say how high! She explained how to slowly put boundaries in place. It is difficult utopia. I do need to come to terms and accept what is happenning. Perhaps i dont want to accept it could be dementia as it will make it too real for me. Im grieving the loss of my mother - she is physically there, but mentally it's not her.

How has your day been luv? You doing ok? I hope so xxxxxxx

[utopia]

I'm still getting used to this new mobile site @Bella1978. But it does look nicer. Wait to see what the specialists have to say tomorrow. If it's her 'normal' mental illness then medication over time will fix that. Sometimes it takes a long time to find the right med and the right dose. If it is dementia - the specialists can let you know what stage of dementia she's in. There is a website and hotline number for Dementia. They will be able to help you. And don't forget to speak to your own therapist. I think there definitely is a need for grieving. Grief for your old relationship. Grief for this new woman. Allow yourself this grief. I know it hurts, but it's better in the long run to deal with it now. I was going to say - phone me right after the meeting. But I forgot we are on the forum. Lol. My memory is shocking at the moment. So please let me know how you get on tomorrow. No matter what happens, there is support available and ways to manage with MI or dementia changes. Big supportive hugs for you. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♥♥♥

[Bella1978]

@utopia

hey sweets. im thinking its not her mental illness that is driving these changes. i did contact dementia australia a few weeks ago and they sent me out some information. i didnt go through it when it came, just kind of put it to the side but read through it last night. a lot of it fits with my mum.

i just rang her now to say hi and see how she is. she asked me if i got her shopping. i said no. she said she wants me to have the shopping when i go to see her. not to see her without the shopping. if i dont have time to see her that is okay, but i have to go to the shops. the carer liaison officer today told me that mum knows she can manipulate me, she knows i will cave in. i have to change my ways. its going to be hard, but i do need to be strong. mum needs to know she cant keep putting demands on me, and up until now, i have just given in to her. 

LOL! you are so cute thinking of me to ring you after the meeting haha. i will definitely let you know how things go tomorrow. i told the carer liaison person that i am so scared of mum coming home the way she is - i told her i cant care for her the way she is now, she wants to isolate herself at home and she wants me to do the same. she said they wont be sending her home in this state. and you are right, there is support available to help manage dementia changes. i just never through this would happen luv. and all so suddenly. i will try take things one day at a time.

oh, and my sister sent me a lengthy text last night apologising for her behaviour and that she doesnt want to lose me or mum and wants to change, etc. ive heard it all before. i cant go through that again. i know i need to keep the boundaries in place with my sister.

thanks for lending me your ear

*mwah*

big hugs back at ya!