Battling MI whilst caring for someone with MI

[Bella1978]

Struggling atm. Just want to chat, distract my mind. Mum has depression, recently discharged from mental health clinic. I can see she's not well but she internalises. We are usually so close but she just wants to be on her own, doesn't want to engage in much conversation. Perhaps I'm feeling sorry for myself as I miss our relationship. I can see that my depression and anxiety is increasing, which is making it harder to cope. Feeling alone tonight.

[utopia]

@Bella1978 - I imagine it would be hard with your mum having Dementia. I used to work in Dementia wings in aged care for years. And family members often told me that their mum or dad was different. A different person now they had Dementia.
That would place a great strain on anybody. Add in your own MI, & no wonder you are struggling. I truly feel for you.
What do you need tonight? To talk about it? Or distractions? I'm happy to chat for a while

[Bella1978]

@utopia
Sorry i didnt get back to u last night. Was just so exhausted.
Mum has depression, not dementia. I think she was discharged from hospital too soon. Before she was admitted, she couldn't see that she wasn't well. I think she is now seeing that she isn't well. Her meds weren't changed in hospital. I feel helpless, frustrated and sad. And so emotionally drained.

[utopia]

@Bella1978 - sorry. Have no idea where I got Dementia from. I obviously can't read. Lol. Disregard my previous post.
Were you able to talk to her psychiatrist and find out what his plan is with your mum?
I would be frustrated too.

[Bella1978]

hey @utopia

hehe ... all good re: dementia! im just grateful that someone responded to my message 🙂

i did speak to her psych on thursday after she was discharged, he said she is okay at a psychiatric level. which is a crock of **** as i can clearly see she isn't. it is frustrating as she is going through a private psych. i am disappointed and if she has to go back to the clinic, god help me getting her there! *sigh*

anyway, how are you? thanks for your message. id love to hear more about you, if you would like to share?

thanks again for listening - i appreciate it.

x

[utopia]

@Bella1978
I go into hospital when my depression gets to suicidal thoughts and plans. I stay 3 or 4 weeks at hospital and then back home.
I'm discharged when I'm no longer suicidal and am eating and sleeping in a normal routine.
But I'm still depressed when I go home. That doesn't get fixed in hospital.
It's like you break your leg. You go to hospital - they put a cast on (that's the hospital stay), then you go home to recuperate - your leg is still broken, but it is healing slowly (leaving hospital still depressed). Finally after 6 weeks or so, the plaster comes off and you can walk again (it takes weeks after coming out of hospital to start feeling 'normalish').
Cast is off and you are walking as good as before, but that leg may always have a weekness and be prone to injury - so you are encouraged to do exercises to strengthen your leg (after a depressive episode, many people are at risk of having further Depressive Episodes - that's why it's important to have a psychologist or counselor to talk with and help plan strategies to get you strong again and back to being 'you').
This is my experience, anyway.

[Bella1978]

@utopia

how are you traveling atm?

i understand what you are saying - there is no fix going to hospital whether it be for physical or mental illness. unfortunately mum is of the old school and she doesnt have a psychologist/counsellor that she talks to. she will talk to me but not when she shuts down how she has recently.

i see a psychiatrist and have recently started seeing a counsellor through carers australia as i could see that i wasnt coping and needed to start talking about what i am going through.

thank you for sharing your experience with me.

[utopia]

I'm doing a lot better thanks @Bella1978. I'm 14 days off alcohol (I used to self medicate to not 'feel') - and that has helped lift my mood a lot. Alcohol and depression just don't go well together.
I also struggle like you do with my mum, but for her physical illnesses. I guess it is a generational thing. So I'm not sure I can give you any advice on that. As nothing I'm doing with my mum is working. Although I'm going to get her brother to talk with her next week about getting some home help. She needs helps and she deserves help.
But my mum is always worrying about me and not herself.
Hopefully after a few weeks your mum will want to start communicating again. She is still most likely in that depressive slump.
I see a psychiatrist for my diagnosis (major depression) & for my meds. I've been seeing my psychologist for over a year now - maybe 1 & 1/2 years. I work well with him and he pushes me to try to 'get out there' & start doing things again. I'm still not keeping a good sleeping or eating routine.
I had a great gp that I was seeing since my workplace incident, when my mental health crashed. But she has left the clinic now. So I've just started seeing a new gp. I also have a case manager who comes once a week and we normally go for a walk and chat.
I'm glad to hear you are seeing a counselor now. Mental illness is too hard to try to deal with on our own. That's why this Forum is so good. Others are or have experienced similar.
Try not to worry too much about your mum (easier said than done). Just go and talk with her how you always have. Maybe just for a shorter period, if her concentration is low. Eventually I'm sure she'll start talking again.

[Bella1978]

i'm sorry i haven't responded sooner @utopia. how has your day been?

well done on having 2 weeks sobriety up your sleeve. i have a friend who is currently in a mental health clinic - he has depression and also drinks - he is trying to stop drinking. he was doing really well at one stage and had gone 2 years sober. he is struggling atm though.

sounds like your mum is close to your uncle? my mum is also close with her younger brother, but atm she's being pretty stubborn listening to anyone. i think i may have had a breakthrough today though. i am of the same thinking, ie my mum needs help and she deserves help. she doesn't need to feel this way and there are people out there that want to, and can, help her but she needs to accept that. it breaks my heart seeing her like this. your mum sounds like a worry wart - just like my mum! 

yes, she is that depressive slump, i think she is starting to realise that she is depressed. she even said she would go to see the psych tomorrow. i told him i would ring him and if he said he wants to see her, she said she would go. atm though im not believing what she says 100%. im just hoping that she does see him. she definitely needs her meds reviewed. i try to keep it together as much as i can but today ive had anxiety on and off, and then had a big cry to release it.

yes, a combination of psychotherapy and medication does help. i have done a lot of therapy over the years but needed to have a break from it all. i couldnt' mentally cope with what was starting to come up for me. but a couple of weeks ago, seeing mum going downhill i decided i needed to talk to someone and contacted carers wa. these forums have also helped me so much - chatting to people who understand the stressors of being a carer and/or mental illness does help.

my eating isnt the best either - i tend to emotional eat - especially at night time. my coping strategy is to eat and stuff down the emotions.

it sounds like you have some really good supports in place - well done for being proactive and doing them.

i am trying to be strong and be there for my mum. sometimes it gets on top of me. i did go for a walk today which was good, and managed to do some errands too. i had anxiety on and off and didnt think i would get anything done. one of the things that also stresses me is when i feel i have too much piling up, ie i havent kept on top of what needs to be done.

how has your day been? what have you been up to?

i look forward to chatting more ... i think we have a bit in common, especially with our mums and battling our own demons!

xx

[utopia]

Hi @Bella1978.
Today was a bit of a high anxiety day for me. But I made it through.
WorkCover agreed to have someone come around and clean up my yard. Had got out of control. Weeds and grass up past my bum.
I had 4 hospital stays last year and 1 this year. So it all just become too much.
So the guy came today to clean it up.
I get a bit anxious when there is a stranger in my house or yard. And when someone is here for too long. And when there is a dramatic change. And my backyard and front yard look very different now. Hence, anxiety. Tomorrow it will be less anxiety. Etc. Until I'm used to seeing it.
So that was my day.
Do you live with your mum? Or does she live independently?
It's great that your mum will go and see her psychiatrist tomorrow. That's a positive step. And he'll be able to assess her and see if there has been any change since she left hospital.
It's really frustrating for families, for us. As we are not entitled to know what is happening from the doctors. A patients rights to privacy. But hopefully you will hear something tomorrow. Are you taking her there for the appointment?