Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Supporting someone through mental illness is one of the most precious gifts that you can give them. We would all like to see tangible results, we want to feel that our support is beneficial as the effort it takes for us to remain optomistic and hopeful can be all too draining on ourselves and we can lose sight of the value of what we are doing and give up.

To maintain health and wellbeing we all need to feel connected, have hope, a healthy self esteem, meaning and empowerment in our lives.  This is the CHIME model

C= Connecteness (good relationships - family, friends, community- can be online)

H = Hope (optimism, possibilities)

I = Identity (positive sense of self)

M = Meaning in life (spirituality, purpose)

E = Empowerment (having control, focussing on strengths)

When helping someone with depression, simply by being there for them offers them connectedness, we can encourage them gently to do things which can in turn contribute to positive outcomes however we cannot fix our loved ones. We can offer them a loving, safe environment  where they have opportunity to heal.  

I often think of mental illness in terms of other diseases, in the medical illness lottery we cannot pick which ones we do not want however the responsibility of managing the illness lies firmly with the patient.  If a diabetic wants to remain well, it is only them that can manage all areas of their health such as what they eat, if they are taking meds if needed, if they are exercising.

We can encourage and provide support, this might be more intense or demanding when our loved ones are acutely unwell and/or lack insight, but ultimately and more noticeably as healing begins to occur, their recovery is out of our hands and we need to find a way to be at peace with that. This can be very difficult to do.

There is one important exclusion, I don't think that we should underestimate the seriousness of Major depression; untreated it can be terminal by way of self harm.  It is most important that as a support person we are aware of any factors that could indicate that our loved one is thinking of taking their own life or their condition has deteriorated to a delusional or psychotic state and to know when we need to rally and call an ambulance or other professional help. 

I have found this website to be helpful: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm

Darcy

[Faith-and-Hope]

Excellent response @Former-Member ....

Your words are a support to me too.

[Shaz51]

Hello @NikNik

Hello and welcome to the forum

Excellent response @Darcy ....You have said everything , and thank you for helping me xx

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

A big thanks to @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member for responding to the last question.

This week's question:

My adult child (25) has had a diagnosis of bipolar for 5 years now. He still lives with us, which is okay with me because I can make sure he's doing well, taking his medication, eating and going to appointments. He's started talking about moving out of home. I'm excited for him, but also nervous I won't have as much visibility into how he's going. I'm scared I won't be around as often to notice the signs that he's going downhill. How do you get to a point of letting go?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning .... and wcome to the forums .....

It would probably be a good idea to agree on a "deal" before your son left home, whereby he checks in with you, and you check in with him on alternate days .... without a check-in, you reserve the right to come and visit to see that he's okay ..... that might provide a stronger sense of security for him as well because it means he is flying free with his commitments in general, but there is a safety net in place for both of you, with boundaries.

You could then agree to revisit the arrangement periodically and adjust it according to changing needs.

Hope that helps - mum of 5 adult kids here ....

[NikNik]

Some wonderful responses via Facebook:

"My 30 year old went into a group home about age 20, then into a flat. He is cared for by a foundation= they visit him daily.. It is not an ideal situation, but gives him independence, and I am close enough to keep an eye on him. His money is looked after by the protective office, and his pension is divided into 3, so he can't spend it all at once. He has an IGA card which can only be spent on food, and also gets meals on wheels, and a cleaner once a fortnight. The mental health team call about twice a week."

"Be Honest"

"Yes, always difficult. ( mainly for you) - it's essential he develops some independence and importantly, basic life skills. Be upfront and discuss your concerns, maybe work together on an acceptable plan- eg, you visit/other every 3-5 days for a period then scale back. Could you both discuss with his Dr/ MH worker? Show your approval and support. Always remember that he has a condition which is prone to relapse, but then so do millions of others- eg Diabetes, Asthma Schizophrenia, Epilepsy. Etc. Important he makes the move. Millions have!- and continue to function well. Cheers."

"It's important he is given the chance to be independent, but make sure he knows you are there for him if he needs it (moving home if need be, or just as support) and make sure he has support services linked in, and a crisis plan ready "

"Besides mental health my disabled brother when diagnosed, we had social worker support from the Government, we were advised that at some stage, and this happened when he was 30 that they need to transition to some sort of independence/care, or nursing home in our case, before you get to old to be a career, and if chronological, you die before he does, then he is more adapted to his environment and has some stability when the time comes. Its sad that most only has their parents. We had several attempts at some homes with issues, but now with his issues he is in a nursing home with suits with proper attention. There needs to be more support for people in young care similar to nursing homes, there is one on the southside of Brisbane."

[Shaz51]

hello and welcome

I agree with the comments here

"It's important he is given the chance to be independent, but make sure he knows you are there for him if he needs it

[Pia]

I just want to ask. Because I have been struggling for so long. My mind is full of everything. From the moment that I was sexually abused by a family member when I was 8 and until now I haven't tell anyone 15 years later. I have issues with myself as well. I am the oldest child which means they have the most expectation from me but I always fail thus, I always feel bad about myself. I am so insecure I am so self concious. Because of that I cannot decided on my own. I was not sure of myself even before and until now. I have attemps of suicide when I was a teenager because I became rebellious then I hurt my parents so I want to hurt myself. After a year, I met a guy. He became my bestfriend and now, he is my fiancee but we are in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. It adds to the depression because he is the one I treat as my sunshine. Then came a family crisis. Everyones getting sick and finances are getting are getting worse. I could say we are broke now. I need to sacrifice myself to work hard and support my family. I am studying stil because even though I already have a degree with honors I still feel less. I still feel not worthy especially for my family. Now, I am getting stress and depress every single day because I want to go home but I am thinking of my work and my studies stil on the go. But I am already having a hard time because i send myself to Uni and i am working hard very hard. But still not enough. I dont know what to do. I always cry. Cry and sometimes so much it is a brwakdown already. Just 3 months ago, i tried to hurt myself again. That is the latest incident. I was alone at home crying. I don't want that to happen again. I dont know about my limits. I feel so helpless. I dont know

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning @Pia and welcome to the forums .....

It sounds like you would benefit from speaking with a counsellor .....

Your doctor is the person to see first. They can refer you to a counsellor, and I believe they can write a health plan that entities you to a series of free visits.

Take care -

🌷💜
F&H

[Pia]

Thank you
This is my first time to join such forum.
I always depend on myself especially on my inner problems. But now, that it's getting out of hand, u decided to join. Sometimes it's easier to open up on a third party