Lived Experience Forum

[snitzel]

Arrrrggh. I got asked the question again..."oh are you still of work? Enjoying your holiday" followed by the look. Do others experience this?
I am of work at the moment after having a breakdown at work..it's been three months and people, friends even seem to think I am on some magical holiday!! Yes having panic attacks is great!! I can't go anywhere work without an attack. I am yo scared to answer the phone or knocks at the door. I gave panic attacks in bunnings or the mall. I need new clothes but can't go shopping. I lay awake at night unable to sleep cause I think someone is outside trying to get me or my meds have me all hyped up....yes it's a magical wonderful holiday one where I just wish I was better so I could back to work.

[utopia]

Hi @snitzel. Welcome to the forums.
Yes I have received those same comments and more. Overworked, understaffed for years & then an incident with a client & it was like I'd been broken. Work didn't understand (& I worked in the Mental Health Sector).
"Are you still not working". "Why haven't you gone back" & the one I love the most - "but your not sick, I saw you yesterday at the shops and you were smiling".
Peoples lack of understanding on MI (Mental Illness), is still poor. Dome still think depression is when you are sad. And having a pacic attack in the middle of the street, must mean you're 'crazy'
Stigma is alive and well. However, how ee react to stigma or ignorance, is up to us.
My psychiatrist explained my injury - as being kicked in the head - over and over again - until my brain was so bruised - I was barely coping. And really, that's what it felt like.
I've been on WorkCover for just over 2 years, & am finally feeling so much better. My PTSD was treated successfully by EMDR. I haven't had a panic attack since Feb/March this year. Through my pdychologist I have learnt coping techniques & am almost ready to re-enter the Workforce.
This 'holiday'of mine, has been exhausting, terrifying and confusing. It has affected my whole family - especially my teenage son. Non of them would describe my illness as a 'holiday'.
I live in a small town - everyone knows everyones business. I have explained my MI to those who are interested in learning about it. I have learnt who not to bother my time with.
Brochures on anxiety or depression, may be handy to educate some people. Others will never be interested in learning about MI.
Try are surround yourself with those people who do care - who do try to understand.
Don't be afraid of having an MI. It is an injury just like any other injury to the body.
Either ignore those people who put you on 'holiday', or tell them to bugger off, or just say," it's great - the support I'm getting from you and others is helping me to heal".
You do need to build a tough skin. Don't take it to heart. Make a joke of it or see it as an opportunity to educate.
First and foremost - put your mentsl health first.

[Sahara]

Hi @snitzel,

there is a common mis-conception out there that if you have had a breakdown, then you must be totally incapacitated - sitting on the floor, babbling gibberish, unable to even go to the toilet by yourself!  You and I and @utopia and many others know that this is not true.

People with severe mental illness can often look and act 'normal' (whatever that is.) Even a trained expert would not necessarily know you were suffering, unless you told them your symptoms. 

I guess people mean well.... or most of them do. They try to focus on the bright side- "at least she doesn't have to go to work" they think.  But their comments come across as dismissive and uncaring. 

I remember when I had a breakdown and returned from the big city to stay with my parents in the country... I had severe depression, anxiety and panic disorder. I was medicated to the max. I was teary and restless. My Mum said to me... "You have to get a job if you want to stay here."

As though getting a job would cure me! And the implication being that I was 'faking it', that there was really nothing wrong with me that hard work wouldn't fix. To have that attitude thrown at me by strangers would have been bad enough, but coming from my parents, it was very hurtful. 

At their request, I did get a (stressful) job and coped by drinking every night. I probably prolonged my recovery by staying with them and working hard.... but I can only see all this in hindsight.

@snitzel, focus on professional advice for now. Try to ignore those people who aren't supportive. If someone you really care about says something that bothers you, then invite them over and explain your symptoms to them in detail, as much as you feel like revealing, anyway. If you go through everything step by step, they should understand.

I remember explaining what a panic attack was like, physically and mentally- in detail, to my sister and she was blown away by my explanations. She was like "Oh. Dear."

[utopia]

@snitzel & @Sahara. I too explained exactly what happens during my panic attacks to mh best friend. I also told her what I needed to do to reduce the length and severity of the attack. She must have listened. I hadn't had an attack in over 5 months (used to have multiple ones every week).
So I was at her house in Feb/March this year when my last one struck. Her family members tried to come to my aid. They just made it worse. She pushed them aside and told them to go away & then she talked me through the steps to help it calm down.
So tell your close friends. Once they get an understanding - they may well be your biggest advocates and supporters

[pip]

Hi @snitzel. You are in a mess, I do feel it for you. Can I ask what triggered the attacks, was it something in particular or just life in general? I was informed years ago it takes approx. 3 months to recover from a 'breakdown' what a load of baloney. It's like being told after losing a close friend or rellie to death, that after a year or so, you should be past that 'rubbish'. Are you seeing a counsellor or is there someone you can talk to when you start feeling really bad? Have you tried keeping a journal where you can record when you feel worse, sometimes than others? By that, I mean, the panic attacks are possibly exacerbated when you have to go 'outside' your comfort zone i.e shopping, checking your letterbox. Have you looked at getting your meds reviewed to see if they need changing/adjusting? People who inquire about whether you are 'enjoying' are obviously 'in the dark' regarding your illness. Telling them at this stage would not be helpful as the stigma attached to any sort of MI would exacerbate you. What is the first thing you do when you wake. I don't want to know what time you wake, just what you do when you do wake. Obviously your sleep patterns are all over the show, but I would say you get some sleep, maybe an hour, maybe more. Have you a way to go outside for a walk, even if it's just round your yard, not outside the safety of your yard. Do you have a dog, they are great comfort and require walks. If that is not possible, try walking round your yard for 5 minutes. If that is too hard, try sitting outside near your door for 5 minutes. Close your eyes, listen to your breathing, concentrate on your breathing. Count slowly, then go inside. Try this everyday for as long as it takes to get your confidence. Remember, slow and easy.