Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Humane-yo-yo]

Like many good folk here, I am a carer for a youth with serious mental-health issues and, like many folk here I face my own battles daily, constantly. To help myself mentally & physically, I try to walk a decent distance daily - the only exercise I am able to do owing to varous injuries gained over a lifetime of hard physical work. I take one set of strong painkillers daily to enable me to function somehat normally and have recently got myself off several prescription drugs that have side-affects not so good for positive thinking. I have chronic pain issues with several parts of my body including: a foot-arch that won't heal after 4 years, a titanium hip that plays up frequently, spinal injuries that can't be fixed by medical science, which I have put up with for 30+ years and knee and neck injuries from other work accidents. This morning at 5am, I dragged my body from bed and sleep and pushed myself out the door to kick-start another day. At halfway of the 6K I try to walk daily, my hip began to burn with pain and I had to turn around and struggle back to home - almost in tears from frustration and uncomfortable pain. I had also been putting off a 'talk' with the wonderful youth I care for, as although we have had some great 'wins' this year so far, she hasn't been getting out of her bed or her room for over a week now, and I have been utterly consumed with frustrated confusion that I couldn't help her see how much she was missing at 18, and with a whole life before her. As with many of our youth facing these issues, she had been up and on her laptop at 5am when I rose and I jumped at the chance to prepare her for the talk, when I returned from my walk. I returned feeling hopeless and in pain and quite nervous about doing the 'talk'. However, I washed, took several deep breaths and knocked, entered and recieved a similar welcome as had I had been getting over the last week. The look that says: "what do you want? Why are you in my room at this ungodly hour? Are you going to get up me again?Why do you have to keep interupting my social life?". I imagine many carers in my position know exactly what I am talking about regarding such reactions and probably with most of this message. However, as we talked over a cuppa, I found my nervousness was unwarranted and my pain and frustration fell away. This youth I love so dearly, suddenly understood my pent-up feelings and hopes and love for her. She decided then and there that she wasn't going to request our GP for another medical certificate for Centrelink and that she would go out and start physically looking for a job. She decided that we wouldn't be asking our GP to refer her to another Shrink and Physchologist and that she wanted to have a go at life like I have always done. I've been up and down far too much to think that the problems are over. I know we aren't over the issues yet and my experience and wisdom gained say it will yet be a long road, but for me, her being willing to stand up and have a go is worth more than silver and gold. I just wanted to share this small change in our lives and explain how debilitating it has been for me and I didn't even realize how badly it until we spoke openly and honestly this very morning. I am hoping that other folk in similar situations here on sane forums will have similar stories to share here as 2017 flies past us. For other carers and readers here: May the Great Spirit of our wonderful lands bless you and yours now and in the future...       

[Lunar]

Hello @Humane-yo-yo,

Thank you for shairng that wonderful story, you write in such a lovely way, it was really nice to read your honesty in approaching that talk with the youth that you care for when you are also struggling yourself.

I love how you wrote about pushing yourself to go for the walk even though you have chronic pain, a hard thing to push yourself to do but the reward was worth it it seems like.

Do you feel as though being able to remain calm and have that uncomfortable conversation with her even though being frustrated at the past weeks events allowed a helpful conversation as to how you can tackle some practical things that would help you both?

That is really great and not hard to do, so well done 🙂

[Former-Member]

hello @Humane-yo-yo @Lunar

You told your story with such feeling. I could read the emotion building up between the lines.

I think this 18year old girl was able to respond the way she did as a result of her ongoing relationship with you. You clearly push yourself despite your physical struggle and chronic pain. You demonstrate rather than just talking at someone of that age, that life can be endured. Every day is another day.

It is possible that the young girl was just going through hormonal struggles, surviving today's dreadful social media and expectations. She possibly was already aware of how strong you are and temporarily felt that she was not as strong as you.

You helped her with your communication. I am so proud of you and wish there were many more like you in this world to be around young people growing up in such a harsh world.

What sheer bliss you most have both felt when she responded as she did.

I think that although you did not realise at the time you have helped far more people than just the young girl. Many who will read this thread.

This is a subject that I feel so strongly about....communication.... especially when we are at our worst.

sending you both much love xxx

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Humane-yo-yo

Your post was a pleasure to read, despite your physical pain and general struggles.

 I am glad for you and your girl.

It is a huge shift .. in her showing compassion and awareness of "the other" .. you ..and awareness of social norms and expectations.

Caring for teens who choose to be room-bound and house-bound is a NEW phenomena ...very 21st Century .. it used to be a problem them climbing out the window to sneak out ...

Cyberspace can be so rivetting, yet there is nothing like "having a go" at life irl.

[Humane-yo-yo]

Thank-you mohill; having only jined recently, I was once more reminded that our struggles are relative and that although our own seem insurmountable at time, I have read and met a wonderful range of humanity, with many facing issues that would drop most 'normal' peeps. I always hope that sharing both good and bad evens the balance a little. Thank you for your kind words, apprecaition and empathy. Now all we have to do is get the rest of our big wide world to follow suit:)