anRe: A long rave

[Faith-and-Hope]

That all sounds really hard @eth.  It seems to have been delivered in the most caring and supportive way possible (?) but that doesn't make it any less hard to be sitting in the middle of "extra" jigsaw puzzle pieces when you have worked so hard to reassemble the ones you had and try to sideline the counterfeits ...... sending hugs and hugs your way.  That was an amazing achievement, to sit in a space of hearing all of that, with a focus on validating your brother's experiences also.

It sounds like that farm is the healing place you need to be in right now.  Keep taking care of you ❣️

[Zoe7]

That is super hard for you to hear and also to work through @eth The hardest thing must be how long ago it was and yet your brother still seems to have issues he has not worked through himself. Would it be a good idea for him to see someone as well to be able to work through those things - it might help you both if he could do that in a controlled way. Obviously he has been carrying these things around for a long time and I can see that he wants you to know the truth and be able to work through what you did but it also seems like he needs help to work through those things as well. This should not all be on you Hon - especially considering how long ago it was and it is just now your B is bringing it all up ...that is a long time for your B to be both carrying these things around and for you to now know and work through it yiurself. I can fully understnd how re-traumatising it would be for you Eth. Sending you love and gentle hugs Hon 

[Former-Member]

Hi @eth I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with so much at the moment. I hope things start getting better between you and your bro (I understand about the guilt and shame about stuff done in a manic phase - stuff that is usually uncontrollable in this phase). Good to practise self-love and forgiveness💜

Hope you have a relaxing time at the farm this weekend 🐝🐔🦋🌞🌻

[MDT]

reading along @eth

Thinking of you my friend

[Appleblossom]

Feeling for you @eth 

Do what you need for reworking the memories and gradual integration of more understanding of his experience, without erasing your own. He still has to own his experience. Self Differentiation. There are Big Gender issues and proximity to vicarious significant Cultural Trauma in your story (from what i can gather.)  It can be a good way to empower you and move forward.

You do not want to remain dependent on him, as its not his responsibility. Do you pay him board or do you see your contribution as all the beautiful meals you prepare.  It will be great to have both your own living situation and some family of origin contact, but reaching out to others.

[Owlunar]

Hi @eth 

That's really tough that your brother found it necessary to "fill you in" about events that took place when you were very ill for three years 20 years ago. Seriously! I am wondering if HE needs therapy  - we can't  change the past certainly and people were confused and hurt 

I truly think therapy is about learning to live a better future as well as sort

healing the past

It seems you have a lot happening right now so thanks for filling us in. Take your time and enjoy theweekend  - and believe in yourself  - you come across as a thoughtful person who would not intentionally hurt anyone 

Sending my best thoughts 

Dec 

Sorry  - it's tricky using my phone one handed to message  - I am making a worse mess trying to edit 

[Angels333]

Hey @eth  sorry to read this,  I  wish I could do more to help but I'm having a crisis of my own and am pretty incapable of much atm.

I hear how you're feeling and I wish I could give you a big hug xxx

XOXO ANGELS333 

[Maggie]

@eth  💞💞

[Sans911]

@eth - thinking of you in these hard moments. Also very brave of you to share with your friends here. I hope you get some peace and enjoyment from being down at the farm. ❣️❣️❣️

[BlueBay]

Take care @eth ❤️❤️