anRe: A long rave

[outlander]

@eth 💚💜💛

[eth]

Good morning all.  Thankyou soooo much for all your support  @NatureLover @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @Former-Member @MDT @Appleblossom @Owlunar @Angels333 @Maggie @Sans911 @BlueBay @outlander   it really means a lot to me.

Faith - my brother was actually quite angry and fired up for a lot of the conversation.  And has snapped at me since then too.  At least he apologized for that the next day.  But still went on to point out his judgment that I was not thinking like an adult when I expressed some anxiety to him.  Pretty back-handed.  

Apple - I pay $200 per week rent to be here.  Not just contributing my cooking for the clan, that's mostly only once a week at the moment.  Used to be twice but it was nearly doubling my food bill to cook for 4 twice a week.

I had a psychology appointment on Wednesday - just blurted it all out and could have talked for hours (50 min ap't).  She really helped me by giving me positive feed back and validating how I was feeling about it all.  And some more understanding of the dynamics at play.  I got really emotional talking with her - partly a delayed reaction and partly because she already feels like a safe person to let my feelings/thoughts out with.   Will see her (facetime on the phone) most weeks for a while and give her style of therapy a chance to progress.

I'll be away til Monday as we're going to the farm this afternoon.  Please take care everyone, stay safe and stay kind.  Thanks again for your responses.

[Zoe7]

So much you have been going through emotionally @eth that I hope this farm stay gives you a little peace. Stay safe Hon and enjoy your time away 

[Appleblossom]

Not sure about his story @eth if he is older or what ...

but you do not owe him too much if you feel unsafe.

Safe expression of anger is important and very tricky.

My brother stayed with me once for a while after hospital visit.  He paid with painting my bookcase and then later after cousin ... came and threw a spanner in our works he left, but dropped a beautiful loaf of bread at my door.  Memories is all I have got and I treasure the positive, but the negative were significant and serious. I was 18 months older, but did more than my bit.

Finding your own balance is key.

Apple

[frog]

Thinking of you @eth that sounds like a lot to process. I really hope the farm provides a bit of breathing space.

[Adge]

[Maggie]

Thinking of you  @eth  sending some 💞💞💞

[eth]

Thanks a lot @Maggie   and  s back to you xoxo 

Hi also @Shaz51 @Judi9877 @Blep @TAB @MDT  and thanks for your tags.  Still catching up with each of your posts.

And @Mazarita @Adge @frog @Appleblossom @Sans911 @outlander @Snowie @CheerBear @greenpea @Faith-and-Hope @Angels333 @Molliex @Exoplanet @WriterMelb @NatureLover @Former-Member @Meowmy @Former-Member @jem80 @BPDSurvivor @Dadcaringalone @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Zoe7 @saltandpepper @Former-Member @Lee82 @Gazza75 @BlueBay @Ant7 @Bimby2 @Sophia1 @Jupiter @Former-Member  @Owlunar - and anyone passing who I've missed (sorry) .....

Even when I'm not here much I think of you good folk often.  Hope life is going smoothly for you and that you have any support you want.  I've just been busy offline plus frustrated that my internet's been coming and going for several days now, so kinda gave up trying and found other things to do.  Also now finding I've not received any notification of lots of tags so sorry if I haven't responded.

Had yet another lengthy phone call with housing about my application - seems to be sorted now (hoping and everything crossed!).  Plus have done a bit of writing - a poem that introduces me (about how my brain works with bipolar influencing my ability to write) and another one for my mum's upcoming 80th birthday that I think I've finished today.  Tonight I am starting in a new writing group with the writers centre and immediately following that is a meeting with another group for writers and artists who identify as having a disability that I've met with twice before.   Both are zoom meetings.  A shame that they are on the same night but I'm going to try to do both.  Quite looking forward to it actually.  

Was also looking forward to going up to Bris for mum's big day Aug 1 and staying on with my sister for at least a couple of weeks but the covid numbers are rising again in NSW  -  not locally but  it looks like the QLD border will close again.  I just don't want to risk getting stuck up there or having to quarantine on my return.  But had already started planning for a 3 week holiday while I kept an eye on the news.

Hoping to be around for Saturday Soiree this week.  Thanks to those who made it happen over the weekend just passed.

Time at the farm was really peaceful and also productive - time spent helping convert an bodgy old shipping container into a gorgeous tiny house, working on the outside walls - painting, sarking, flitching (fancy new words, hey?!)  I found the gathering on the Saturday night really challenging.  About 16 people (against the covid rules I think - some of the other shareholders invited guests) around a bonfire at which a feast was cooked in camp ovens ... 2 sides of lamb and masses of roast veg ... usually the sort of thing I would absolutely love, but it was nigh on impossible to maintain safe distance amongst so many people.  I felt really anti-social but also as if it was very risky.  The 3 of us (me, bro and sil) spent most of the weekend keeping to ourselves further up the hill and working on the reno's.  Super cold nights but more stars than ever and a lovely campfire-cooked bbq on the Friday night.  

Hope life is gentle on you all and hoping to catch up with people soon.  Take care and stay kind.   xoxo

[Zoe7]

Hey @eth Was just coming to post here for you as I hadn't seen you for a few days and here you are - such a lovely surprise 

[eth]

Lovely to see you too @Zoe7   how are your school holidays going? (If I've got that right).