A long rave

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Teej 👋💕

[Teej]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope 👋😘

[Mazarita]

Hi @Teej 

At the time I am being creative, that voice telling me to go to bed has almost no power. In that sense, at that time, it doesn't matter to me if I have flip hours. I am driven. In a lot of ways it's an obsession and compulsion. Not so keen on the fatigue and boredom that often follows the next day and/or the day after. But I think maybe it's worth it, while also seeing it may not be sustainable long term, especially in health terms.

But today my psychiatrist was also talking me about quality of life. It's a phrase my mum too used to say to me when I was younger. About trying to connect more with social situations with various people from different walks of life, that kind of thing. How growth comes of it in both directions. And all the obvious reasons having a life off the computer is desirable. And I agree, but feel sort of helpless in being able to change it, even after so many people have tried to help me change.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I planted a new Coriander on my garden wall yesterday morning and thought of you @Teej .... and @Zoe7 because she has plans for a pot garden ..... and @Maggie cos she would love my garden wall too .....

[Mazarita]

Thanks for the suggestions, @Faith-and-Hope. You give good ones.  

[Teej]

@Mazarita I see your quality of life being about creating too. What I know about you is that it gives you a quality of life, the stimulation and creativity you desire as well as working with others. They are all relationships that bring growth too. I see how far you’ve come with lots of things. One of the things I’ve admired about you is that you follow your heart with stuff, whether that being connecting with someone online or in real life, you try to live in the moment when you are out and your drive to create is awesome. I think you need to do what makes you feel happy and content. 

Just personally I don’t think you need to have a big social life to grow or be well adjusted? 🤔🤦‍♀️. You have relationships in your life that work well and I know you would be open minded if another opportunity came up that gave you more friends. I might change my tune but I think there is too much pressure on lots of this stuff. 

You have medical conditions which mean that your only job is to look after you. I can’t see that it’s important what time of the day that is unless it’s really bothering you. 

Theres my rave! :face_with_rolling_eyes:😘

[Faith-and-Hope]

I can relate @Mazarita re that creative drive.  It’s like that for me when I am oil painting, and it’s often after 10pm that I start because that is when the night, and therefore, my brain, starts to quieter down and I can find my focus.

I try to set myself a midnight curfew, but there are times when I deliberately override this and then try for 1am, but not later than 2am .....

I don’t know if I helps, but I try to assign at least a six hour block of sleep, so I have to make deals with myself, negotiate where that 6 hour block is going to belong if I over-ride to 3am, 4am or beyond.

I can be quite a negotiator ..... making a deal with myself to sleep four hours between 4 - 8am, and then an afternoon nap between 2 - 4pm, and bed again by midnight ..... but the principle is that I owe myself health as much as I owe myself creativity, and my commitment to my family, and I have to balance the ledger.

Perhaps it will help you to make self-deals about x number of work hours mean a corresponding number of hours for sleeping and socialising.  It doesn’t have to be rigid .... it just has to happen.

What do you think ?

[Mazarita]

Thanks, @Teej!!!    

It's so wonderful to feel validated and heard on this issue. I know it's kind of a 'first world problem'. But it is real and there seems to be a lot of pressure (including in my own head) to conform. At the same time, I agree with the reasoning behind it. It's still a dilemma, but so good to feel the different considerations recognised. 

@Faith-and-Hope, yes, it may take a re-orientation of my thinking about my priorities in life. That may help me to make (and more importantly stick to) deals with myself. I too often try to make deals like: get to bed before 'pumpkin hour'. Then if I cross that boundary, I say 2am. But after that it's open slather because I know I will be awake at dawn and (most times) go to bed just after that. I do tend to make up the sleep eventually, but it does look like quite an extreme pattern. So there is this voice saying, 'it's not on', in my own head too. We'll see what I can do about it, and maybe this new med I'm starting might lend some help with it too.

[Teej]

You’re welcome @Mazarita 😄. Glad it helped. 

@Faith-and-Hope I think for the first time we see things a bit differently 😜. It had to happen eventually. I respect your opinions on this too but I chuckled that we came from opposite ends......well it amused me. 😆

[Mazarita]

The funny thing is I agree with both of you, @Teej, @Faith-and-Hope.