A long rave

[eth]

Evening all @Mazarita @Sophia1 @Faith-and-Hope @greenpea @outlander and anyone else passing by here.

@greenpea your lament is so beautiful.  I too know those feelings.  I found the first couple of years of 'empty nesting' a great challenge - letting go and standing back while my child found their independence from me.  Even now I have strong feelings about some of the choices and behaviours they choose, but I accept their need to 'individuate'.

[Sophia1]

hello @greenpea

I responded to your post where you tagged me...not realising that you had written another...so I have deleted my earlier response...

A very heartwrenching time for you...I know only too well...under different circumstances for me...enough said

the umbilical cord stretches forever though @greenpea....you can hold onto that and he will feel that....remember your love is unconditional and does not dissipate however far away from us they are....it hurts yes...acknowledge that...be gentle with that hurt.....you will find a way to carry it with you and live alongside it...

if you ever feel the need to discuss this further I too am willing to listen...just tag me...

you have touched my heart with your words today....bless you greenpea xx

[Faith-and-Hope]

I have been in both my places in the last week @Mazarita, and it has been the same sort of cold in both of them ,,,, rain here, rain there .....

This sort of space, where I am not in my carer role is very rare.  I have managed a weekend or so in recent years, but this time it is for a week .... and sitting with S2 is not the same.  It’s companionable for the most part, and he is bouncing things off me as he is sorting himself out, which is great.  Communicating.  Trusting.  Planning his own course of action .... something that is still an issue with his Dad.  

His sleep hours switched when he came west for a few days, and mr. has to try to fix that, despite S2’s protests, so he has stopped protesting ..... back to square one ..... but he has this week now to sort it out himself and hopefully it will only take 24 hours, which it has before.  When I am here, mr. is clearly feeling inhibited about being that controlling, but I was absent with the girls, and it’s clear the issue is still here ..... sigh.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

[greenpea]

Nite all thank you so much for your very kind words I will be in a happier mood tomorrow. Sleep well fellow formites xxxxxx

[Appleblossom]

Good Night @greenpea I hope you are refreshed by a good sleep.

Letting go of our sons is very difficult. 

Good Night ALL

I might go for an early night too.

I have had a good day with my son and am proud of him.

@Sophia1 @eth @Faith-and-Hope @Mazarita

[Mazarita]

@greenpea, nightie night, sleep well. 

@Appleblossom, nightie night to you too. I love that you had a good day with your son and that you are proud of him. 

@Faith-and-Hope, a whole week, that's even better. Glad to hear of your closeness with S2. Just as well I'm not there to be a bad influence on his sleeping hours, lol.

My psychiatrist said 'it's not on' to me today about my sleeping patterns. We then talked about the aspects of it, from my need for long stretches of quiet and solitude to do creative stuff, a central sense of meaning in life. Through the way I just love the night (a matter of choice, which he'd like me to change). To how I can't stop myself once the manic energy starts happening (bipolar). I also explained to him how, at least at present, the rapid cycling I seem to be having is less a mood issue as such in the way I experience it, more an extreme difference in nervous energy levels at the different times of day. Anyway, a new change of medication moment begins. I've just taken it for the first time. See him in a couple of weeks again.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Don’t worry @Mazarita.... my sleep hours have gone wonky in recent years too, so I can relate to both you and S2 ..... and it is for all those reasons - the quiet of the night, the breathing space, the nervous energy begot by our circumstances, the creative energy that is quashed by our circumstances, and for S2, wrestling with the challenges of an mi.  I have had grief to contend with as, for the moment, I have lost my other half.

Despite all of that, sleeping reasonably is foundational to good health for most people, so it is a matter of pushing through and straightening things up when and as we can.

[Mazarita]

@Faith-and-Hope, what you said about your reasons for wonky sleeping hours makes so much sense. I hear you about your grief too, I would find your situation very difficult and my mental health would possibly disintegrate. You are a strong woman, though I know you are struggling. Agreed to continuing to move towards a healthier way, taking all opportunities to treat the body better, with healthier sleeping patterns.

But still I don't know how to resolve the issue of the creative stuff. I really find it difficult at other times of day, with my daytime exhaustions. Then there's the screaming jets flying past every 10 minutes or so all day and evening. The reverberating villagey noise around these flats is kind of nice really, but that too makes it difficult for me to work on soundtracks. I have big dj headphones that cost a lot but they don't block out noise completely. When C is around, much as I love his company, he's got the TV on right next to my desk in this small flat, and is himself a distraction, though welcome. That really leaves just after he's gone to bed to start getting into things with creativity. Leading to often long sessions on video making overnight. 

Well that was a bit of a rave. Thanks if you've read this far. 

[Teej]

Hi @Mazarita, @Faith-and-Hope,  @Appleblossom, @greenpea @eth, @Sophia1

just dropping in. I have to admit I haven’t read lots back. 

@Mazarita Does it matter to you if your hours are wonky when you are being creative? 

Im wondering if it matters at all if you have flip times. 

@Faith-and-Hope So nice to read about your quality time with s2. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Lol @Mazarita ....read it all ....

The only suggestions I can think of are these .....

That you create something of an agreement with C re Tv and your creative work hours, and although you can’t control the jets, perhaps you can separate your preparation work from the actual recordings, and set yourself a 12 midnight curfew for those. as much as you can stick to it, but hopefully it will become a precedent.  I am assuming there is a curfew for the jets prior to that time.

That you darken the room with blinds (or black card) during your daytime work hours to help simulate a nighttime or dark-room atmosphere.