Lived Experience Forum

[eth]

@Mazarita  the relationships I have with bro and sil are probably the most 'adult and functional' that I've ever had.  Unfortunately the relationship I have with my adult child has broken down somewhat recently, hopefully temporarily.  It started with a phone call where they snapped at me once too often the day before my case conference.  Which made me reflect on the whole dynamic.  They don't ask me how I am.  They have told me not to give clothes or toys to my grand daughter. They just want me to give cash and never use it for what it's intended.   It's all about them - they are nearly 30 and old enough to treat me like any other adult - but repeatedly tell me what I can't talk about.  They announce things on FB that they won't discuss - OK to tell the world but not me.  So I've taken a step back since 2 weeks ago.  I sent a message saying they had my number and could ring if they wanted to talk and let me talk too.  It feels like a total contradiction to be treated this way when their whole life revolves on the principle of everyone having the right to be themself and be accepted.  I'm having withdrawals and sads over no contact with my grand daughter.   Rant over!!!

[Mazarita]

Rant away, @eth, as you feel the need to. How frustrating with your child and their partner. I get what you are saying about the contradiction going on there. Sometimes, doing what you have done by taking a bit of distance, is the only way to set different boundaries. Hope things improve there for you sooner rather than later. On the other hand, it's wonderful to hear your positive feelings about bro and sil. 

[Mazarita]

Hi @Teej, good to 'feel' you around here this morning. How are you going this morning? ox

[Teej]

Hi @Mazarita, @eth 👋

ive had a quick check in over the past few days but today wanted to let you know I’m there with you. It sounds like you are going through a really frustrating time Maz. Med changes are such a ride. I hope the new one is better. Really glad you are seeing your psych this afternoon and hoping that helps. 

Eth i read with some sadness about your child. It certainly doesn’t seem fair. I’m hoping some distance will help a bit but understand the hurt missing your grandchild. 

Im ok, much better than the last few weeks. Today I’m on go slow too although uncannily enough writing on here and reading has helped lift this mornings fog a bit. 

I just had a gripe on the phone to my friend about my kids too but mine is just frustration, partly at me but at them too.  Teaching young adults who think they’re invincible important life lessons is hard. There are big consequences for my youngest who thought he was bulletproof. I had talked to him about the need to take out private health insurance in case he hurt himself playing sport. Second game of the year he hurt himself, didn’t follow it up. Had an mri and has high grade tear of his acl. He needs to be physically fit for work and this will impact him. It’s counted as elective surgery in the public system, possibly up to a 2 year wait. But feeling like I’m whinging about nothing really, just frustration and feeling for him. It’s a lesson learned the hard way. Hoping his brother will take note and follow up on it. 

Anyway I’m putting my big girl pants on to go out with my friend soon to see a movie. I am doing better than the last month but have a long way to go. 

💜🤗

[eth]

@Mazarita your post just came thru' after 18 min.  So notifications are lagging.  Thanks for your support, it means a lot.  I just messaged my kidult and said I was having skype withdrawals but respecting their space, they said me too.  So it's still a mexican standoff.  I won't say anything else until they ring or skype me I've decided.  A shame I can't support them in their pregnancy (~20 weeks now) or see my grand daughter.  But it's always been me making the first move and I'm over it.  They also have said if I came to visit them again I would have to stay in a motel.  Ah - NO!!  $$$  I earn less than they do.  And can't transport alone.  So I'd be sitting there hoping they'd visit me after travelling specifically to see them.  They also won't let me mention NDIS stuff and you know how much of my life is dealing with that currently.   I don't want to sound like I'm dependent on them or a nagging controlling type of Mum, but just occasionally the relationship needs to work for me too, not just controlled in every way by them.  So much for rant over!!  It helps to write about it, no need to respond really.  Just suffice to say I feel @Former-Member's situation (which may have changed since I last caught up with her).  

[eth]

Really glad to hear you're feeling better lately @Teej.  Hope you enjoy your movie 

Sorry to hear about your son's knee injury.  There's only so much we can do for them, hey?

[Mazarita]

@eth, I noticed that I got a 'like' from you in email after 22 minutes lag. Good timing though because I went off and got washed and dressed for my appointment between posts. Having some nasty trouble with the bottom end this morning, bad pain. But, after 18 months of frustrating specialist appointments and tests with no treatment in sight, I've given up on the medical possibilities for now.

Does your child and their partner live in a small place? Why the 'no staying' announcement? Sounds pretty horrible. Having said that, I also find a place for mum to stay when she comes up here, but within walking distance of our place, and am there every day when she visits. But that's mainly because this flat is just too small for anyone to stay more than a night really. I find it very frustrating that you are not able to talk about the NDIS with them. Why not?

@Teej, glad to hear you are a bit better than you have been. Thanks for your good wishes. Interesting to read that the forum can sometimes help clear your morning fog too. Ah yes, the invincibility of youth. Hope there's a good outcome in the end there. Two year wait is terrible. I don't feel like you are whinging about nothing but that's how I feel sometimes too!

[Mazarita]

Woops, just realised I have to fly out the door. Sorry for the sudden departure. Time has got the better of me! @eth @Teej 

[Mazarita]

@eth, @Teej, doh, moment of panic for nothing. I have half an hour before I need to leave! Head got a bit scrambled for a moment there!

[eth]

Hope it goes well @Mazarita