A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

[Anastasia]

@Emelia8 🤗👂💕

[Lee82]

Thank you so very much for your very informative post about your complex PTSD and how it affects you. I am so very sorry that you go through that and hope more than anything that in time it will get easier and easier to deal with. It was like reading my own thoughts and experiences with my own complex PTSD. I couldn't have put any better myself. 
I want you to know that you are very much loved, valued and cared about here. I am grateful for your friendship and see you as a strong and determined person. Know that I am here to support you even though I am going through a truly tough time right now I still like to think I can be supportive too. Thank you so very much for tagging me in that post. I truly appreciate it and hope you continue to do so in the future. 
sending you a gentle hug and hoping that you Are able to have a restful night tonight. 💗 @Emelia8 

[Anastasia]

Dearest Em, a busy day in store for you today. I will be in your pocket for both appointments. I'm excited for your exercise class that should be fun. I'm wearing comfy clothes 😁

Please let me.know how it goes as well as dr's results today too hun. Here's some food for thoughts for day 3, love you @Emelia8

[Emelia8]

Thank you @Lee82  ... I'm so sorry that you experience so much of what I do.  I thank you for your very kind words, and want you to know that I am here for you.  I know you miss our dear friend @Former-Member immeasurably, but also know she needs to know that you are okay.  I also realise that she will want you to lean on your friends here in her absence, and that she will be happy knowing that you are surrounded by people here who care about you.  

Hugs and much love to you @Lee82 .  Keep pushing through, I know you have it in you.

Emelia 🤗💞

[Emelia8]

Good morning dear @Anastasia 🤗💓

Are you in the office again today, or working from home?  How is your Boy going this week?

Yes thats right, a busy day today.  Hubby needs blood tests first up this morning, in preparation for his Endocrinologist apt next Monday. The tests need to be done early in the morning between 8-9am.  The authority arrived in yesterdays mail, just in time, as some of these specialised tests take a few days to come back.  But I was very relieved when the letter from the specialist was in yesterdays mail. 👍  His appointment on Monday is at 9am.  And I have managed to chenge it from a face to face at the hospital 2 hours away, to a telehealth consult.  So thats even better.

Then I have to drop hubby home again, and head back for my 9.30am pilates exercise class.  Yes I am looking forward to that.  I believe there will be 3 of us there today, but I dont know what the other people are like ... ie male/female, old/young, etc. Although each persons routine is very individualised, which is good.

I'm not looking forward to this afternoons Oncologist appointment at 2.30pm.  I know she will want to discuss the oral chemo pills and how I'm going with them, what side effects, etc. But other than that, I'm not even sure what the purpose of this consult is for.

Its wet here today, very dull and overcast, but mild.  Looks like being showers or rain every day this week.

Thanks for day 3s saying.  The sentiment is one I will try to carry with me today.  Glad you're coming along for the exercise class and then the oncology appointment.  It will be nice to have you in my pocket.

Sending you much love today, because I feel that you are in need of it right now.

Emelia 💞🤗

[Former-Member]

Hi @Emelia8 - maybe just reschedule your oncologist apt this time round - take a break - won't hurt. Thinking of you re trauma memories, I put a lot of effort and replied to your post about how to help you through it - but it seems to have vanished. Just know that you're not alone and we're sending you cosmic energy / strength in our prayers and Support here 💙

[Owlunar]

@Emelia8 

Hi Em

You are not a burden to me and I see no reason why you "should" be over this even though it was what might be seen as a long time ago - in fact - in your mind it happens ever year and you know what to expect - you were violated and although time does heal physical wounds it takes far longer for the damage to your mind, spirit and soul and I can wait for that to heal

And tell you that you are worth my time, you have every right to be here - in this site, in your life, in your home, in my mind - and I care very much about you and really pray this year will not be so bad for you - I can hear what you say and understand that you are passing through a time when your thoughts are conflicted and you withdraw from people right at the time when you need them most

I know writing into our journals in this site really does help - I have read some of my messages from the time when I joined nearly 5 years ago now and at that time my son had died nearly 30 years earlier and I really thought I should be past it - but I wasn't - so I understand that very well and accept that time takes time and we can carry our trauma around for decades. 

Sometime since I joined I realised I was spending three and a half months of every year in a depressed and anxious state with moments of PTSD and I had enough but the truth is that somewhere inside our psyche keeps records of dates and times and yes - although I manage to get through it more easily now it will catch me at some time. So yes - I do understand how it has taken a long time for you to still have the emotions attached to the trauma, the event and the aftermath - the whole deal - and you need someone to tell you that you are worthwhile.

And here you are loved - just think of what you have been through in the last few months - it has been one hell of a ride for you yet you did it and you have to be strong for that kind of therapy - so you are

But you don't feel it - so I guess it's a case that you were treated like trash and you were violated and really kicked in the very deepest parts of your being. But you are still here and so supportive.

I love it that you are here and I love reading your messages to everyone - you do really think things through and it shows.

It really touches my heart - and somehow - together we will carry you through another anniversary - just as I know people here will carry me through mine

Sending my best thoughts and my knowledge of your strength and love for other people

Dec

[Peri]

Dear @Emelia8 ,

What an amazing post it is very generous of you to share all that here.  What you share will help so many others who have been through extremely traumatic events.  Unfortunately there is no time frame on pain and hurt and “recovery”, well I wonder if we ever truly get past some things. 

I recently had a big whinge to my sister about something from my past that has hurt me.  But it was a waste of my energy, it was all so long ago and the other person is dead so nothing can be even asked now.  But it doesn’t mean that there are not questions that I have about the beginning of my life , or old hurts. But this is all much easier to let go of than what you have been through.

i am thinking of you everyday at the moment and with you as you get past this .

you really are one amazing lady and I admire you

peri

[WIP]

Dearest @Emelia8 

Thank you for such a raw. beautiful and honest post - so very brave of you.  I'm so, so sorry for what happened to you and has left you with this condition that you battle with regularly. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. You're not alone and have all of us here on the Forum to help you the best we can. Just like you so kindly and always continually support us.

love you Em xx

💞💖💖💞

[WIP]

Bepanthen works well to put on Hollys stitches - if she keeps trying to itch them. The vet nurse recommended this to me when Levi had the little snip. @Emelia8