A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

[eth]

Listening and hearing you @Emelia8   I've been through all you describe and was that way for many years (read decades).  I have been helped enormously by my weekly psychologist who I've seen for nearly 3 years now, and I think particularly things have shifted with doing EMDR at some of our sessions over the last year or so.  I know different things work for different people, but this modality has made more difference in my life than any other previously.  I've had some amazing breakthroughs in recent times.  I also take meds that assist with preventing vivid PTSD dreams.  I'm not saying this to brag but to encourage you that eventually it is possible to have some relief some of the time.  I agree that some events change you forever, they have me, but I'm glimpsing ways to regain some self-worth, be more involved in the world out there with less paralysing/fleeing reactions.   I do still have full-on reactions at times, but generally they don't last as long and I don't relive the past so vividly.

I have regained a glimmer of hope and no longer feel so frozen in time when I do remember traumatic events.  Wishing this for you my friend.

And by the by I believe you are a good person through and through, all the time.  Just sayin'.

[Snowie]

@Emelia8 thanks for expaining that for us. Just know that we will be here for you through the good times and the not so good times.

💜💜

[Clawde]

Clawde loves @Emelia8 @you make tis forum so nice and special Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou

[Clawde]

❤️

[outlander]

@Emelia8

[Appleblossom]

Gentle Holding Hands @Emelia8 

your post is thoughtful and reflective about PTSD experiences.  Sorry you have gone through all this for so long. I can relate, and I am sure many on the forum will.  Acceptance that periods of intense self doubt and distress maybe the best I can be is helping me a little in detecting and preparing for it.

I agree, you have made the forum a better place over the years.  Thank you.

[Anastasia]

Thank you beautiful @Emelia8 

I have printed it so as to fully comprehend it. I'm sorry this ever happened and no,  it's not more than I bargained for. You're very special and I want to be here for you as much as I can plus I know I'm not alone...

Love you more Em 🙏🤗🌸💕

[Emelia8]

Hi @eth  and thank you for your message of hope. You have done really well recently, and I totally admire you for that. No, I do not think you are bragging at all. Its helpful to hear of others successes, both big and small. Recovery from severe PTSD is definitely not easy, and your history is very extreme. I think I too would benefit by seeing my psych weekly, but sadly its typically only every 4 weeks. And when things are bad, she will fit me in fortnightly if she can. Sadly her father passed away in mid December and she took leave, just the day before my scheduled apt. Then she was away until the week I commenced my radiation therapy. So I havent seen her since the end of November last year. It was not ideal timing. I had EMDR about 4 years ago now. I do believe it reduced some of the extreme emotions around the event. I felt it helped overall. But she did tell me at the time, that sometimes you may need a 'top up' of the therapy in future. Perhaps thats the case for me now. I have medication which is used to help people with PTSD-related nightmares. Initially I felt it helped a bit, but then I found that it actually kept me awake more than usual. I was finding that I would lay wide awake for hours on end, then I would be feeling very whacked the next day. The other issue I have with that medication is that it lowers blood pressure quite considerably. My BP is naturally very low, and I was experiencing low BP symptoms from it. But I have a supply of the meds with me, and use it intermittently.  Awww gee ... thanks for saying that you think I'm a good person through and through, all of the time. Thats really kind of you. Thanks Eth 🙏 🌺

Thank you @Snowie  ... you are always here for so many, myself included. And I appreciate your support very much. ⛄💓

Oh dear @Clawde  ... thank you so very much. You are such a kind gentle man ... full of compassion for others ... and I love and appreciate you very much. 🌹🍀

As always @outlander  you are here to support others ... thank you Li'l One. 🌻

Thank you @Appleblossom  🌸 for your kind words. Yes I'm sure you are right that there are many here who will relate to my post from earlier. And I'm sad for you, that you are one of those. But you are correct that recognising when we are entering these states, and being able to prepare for them as best we can, is a big thing. Its so nice having you back here again Apple, I missed you during your absence.

Dear @Anastasia  ... you truly are an angel you know. 😇 And I am ever thankful that we just happened to come across each other here on the forums. I have met many here who I would love to know in real life. Sadly thats not possible, but we can dream can't we? I hope your work day went well for you, and that your Boy is doing okay. I know you were concerned about him today, so I hope that concern proved to be unfounded. 💞

Thanks to others who read my post and supported it earlier. It's helpful to know I've been heard. Its also heartening to think that, in some small way, by relating my experiences, thoughts and feelings here ... it may help someone else who is suffering the effects of PTSD or someone who may love or care for someone with PTSD. So thank you everyone reading, supporting or responding.

Emelia 🦋🤗💞

[Shaz51]

@Emelia8, thank you for sharing my friend 

hope I have been here for you as you have been here for me 

and now i even know more and sending you tender hugs 

[Emelia8]

Ohhh yes my friend ... you have always been here for me. Almost from my first day here. I think you're truly wonderful @Shaz51 , and I very much value you for the lovely kind supportive lady that you are. I dont always tag you here because I know how much you are dealing with personally. I also know how much you put into being all things to everyone, both here and in your real life. It isnt because I value you any less. Its that I do not want to burden you with any more than you already have on your plate. Plus I know that some of what I discuss here may be triggering or upsetting to you. However, you are always welcome here. And your input and support is always valued and appreciated by me. Sending you a great big gentle hug.

Emelia 💖