9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

[Former-Member]

Ditto @coffeegirl

 i have a similar peeve about radio jocks and comedians adopting the word, "triggered" when referring to something that is about to be said that you might disagree with or make you mildly irritated.

Triggering is a serious matter and an extreme form of suffering for anxiety and PTSD sufferers (and possibly others? Pardon my ignorance ) it's no joke.

but what can you do but pretend to find it funny like everyone else or be called out as moralistic or worse - making mountains out of molehills....

[Former-Member]

Antipathy. Yep. But if I don't feel compassion (sorry) for myself, then who will?

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Former-Member

@BlueBay @Former-Member@Former-Member

Im going to nmake a few mistakes in this message so sorry first but Im impressed with your staying powers about talking like you do.... all of you. My cousin has BLP and she has fast tracking bipolar as well...it's completely destroys me because she lives in her world....jeepers. She is the coolest lady I know though. 

Is it @Former-Member with daughter? Golly, can you say to her to be open about her times of mental ill health and be able to talk about her codition compared to her true self? I think that a Psychologist who gives up is distressing....I know, my first Psychotherapist gave up on me and it almost destroyed me......

It feels like the word 'triggered,' is bandied around so much these days. Last year, my youngest brother and I were talking on the phone, he lives overseas and he has isolated himself from my family. He was talking that he wanted to recontact people and just at that right time, I said the triggered word, I said, " Are you thinking that XX might trigger you? Oh, it was wonderful....our distance and our already real love we have for each other taught me so much and he got through......it had nothing to do with me but more at that word never being used between us or discussed and him being open about me just being his sister. not a therapist. 

[Former-Member]

@CherryBomb 

im a great believer in learning to take a breath, resist the urge to say something or explain myself, and say nothing. It doesn't escalate the situation. The anger passes soon enough. And no harm done.

Keeping my big mouth shut is a skill that really needs a lot of thought and practice though, since the anger is now so close to the surface. PTSD, I find, is short-wick disease!

i like someone's observation about ignorance too. It is really ignorance that is the root of so much trouble in the world. Seems since I joined this forum that the folks here, all with different MI are on a journey OUT of ignorance. Self awareness is very high on these pages. It's wonderful to witness. The wisest people are those who have suffered it would seem. Lucky us then, eh? We're getting wise.....

[Former-Member]

"I'd like to give you a good slap".

[Former-Member]

Hey Loopy. I do think that if we attend to how we speak to others, we start to get back what we give out. You find that?

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member, you mean 'slap you out of ut?' Are You ok?

[Former-Member]

Hi @PeppiPatty - yes, it could be that some therapists become distressed in certain situations - you may be right. My old counsellor who is now a friend was always a rock for those who needed therapy. Now she can't listen to anyone anymore as she is experiencing her own depression and grief. It got too much I think, but she also lost a lot people whom were close to her. 

No my daughter can't talk through her mental illness at all - she shuts down mostly and takes it out on us. She is only 20 so hopefully with maturity she will get better. But it's very stressful for all concerned at the moment as she lives with us. It's effecting my mental health now.

I think the warning about certain topics/talk triggering on social media and aired broadcasts and the like, is a standard procedure to protect from any legal prosecutions for potential harm suffered as a result. It's a warning to tune out if sensitive. They are just covering themselves.

Having lost children by unnatural means, what I find triggering is people talking a lot about their children - perfectly innocent on their part ofcourse but conjures up all sorts of pain for me. Very hard to avoid some triggers so I quickly change the subject if I can and distract from it. I have experienced other trauma being diagnosed years ago with PTSD (amongst other diagnosis at the time). I think we build inner protective mechanisms to deal with triggers over time. I keep away from those toxic people who seek to intentionally harm, they are the biggest triggers. But they are few. Most people I get on well with. The problem is for me that my daughter can be one of them - she tried to intentionally hurt me and bring me down today. That's why she has to move out eventually.

The unhealthy way I had once of dealing with triggers ones was avoidance (hiding from the world or what upset me). That only made me more anxious and depressed I found . I have largely overcome that anxiety/agrophobia now and helping others through volunteering helped to achieve that. Also dealing with fears face on strengthened my mind. 

Hope all is well in your world @PeppiPatty and you are being treated well. Hugs 💕

[PeppiPatty]

dear @Former-Member

great message .........i'm always overwhelmed and grouchy......I'm taking it out on my husband and misspending money which is wrong and naughty.....Just misspending $50 throws you off course....My medication needs changing so will see my Gp on Thursday. 

My son is not coping BUt he is coming with me to see my GP on Friday.....hip hip horray !

So everything I write to you about your daughter is from my life,I am not a professional.

The most important thing to do....in my experience is to gently DRUM in her head that your daughter is a proud consumer which means she has accessed mental health agencies in the past to help her OWN daily wellbeing. 

That to explain to her  that this is a condition, it is not her. She can express it creatively. She can see her condition as a gift.....did you know if she studies that her mind will have more creative intelligence than ever? That your daughter needs to have this experience of talking positively as young as she can. 

That word triggering. Maybe you and me should write it 100 times in different colours, different shapes on a piece of paper. 

I am so sorry for your loss my darling @Former-Member.                                               You are brave to write here. 

My husband out of the blue decides to try and make up with his sister who blames him for every bad thing in general........ she is fast tracking bi polar and BPD 

It's been a heavy night. So, he's apologising for everything that he's done bad to her ........(whatever) and I'm writing his messages while she writes innappropriate and bad messages back. SHe needs to be in control......He calls their parents crying.....

I thought my family was a nightmare.....

[Former-Member]

Yes Tawney. Was just quoting what someone said to me when I was near hysterical with anxiety. It's a very old fashioned phrase and it was once socially acceptable to slap a 'hysterical' woman. Can you believe that?