Lived Experience Forum

[Tanz]

I have symptoms of being a narcissist all the research says online that those with this disorder never admit it. I'm in a relationship that is mentally and physically abusive and my partner says I'm a
narcissist all the time,however I see traits in him, I see traits of other disorders in me whilst I've bee going through a terrible time in my life.
I've been seeing a counsellor she says I do t have a mental disorder but I've not told her everything to dignose me properly.
I guess I'm reaching out to others that may have this issue, how do you over come it, what help is out there besides just seeing someone telling me what they think I I am but not truly understanding me. I need tips and techniques so I can research and study and do my own self improvement, online there is stuff about saving yourself from a narcissist but nothing about helping one... please reach out if you've had the same issues and how are you getting better. Thank you

[NotLabelDefined]

Hi @Tanz,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the forum and reaching out; I personally believe that this is one good technique for personal reflection and to assist you to build greater insight about your concerns. Your ability to share with others and reflect upon your own circumstances is a massive step to the self-improvement you desire.

If you feel comfortable with your counsellor, and you are genuinely ready to explore your concerns more deeply, you may benefit from disclosing the 'full story', so to speak. Although this may lead to an official diagnosis, the real potential benefit is that you will allow yourself to access appropriate support 🙂

Ps you might have noticed my user name is NotLabelDefined. I chose this name as I am a firm advocate for not allowing ourselves to be labelled and pigeonholed into sterotypical perceptions others may have on us simply because of our diagnosis. We are all much more than a simple diagnostic label, we are individuals with a variety of interests and strengths which I believe provide us with our identity (a diagnostic label doesnt give a good indication of our identity)...

[NotLabelDefined]

Hi @Tanz,

oh and I forgot to mention...online resources can often prove useful, however as im sure you have noticed, there are so many different sites, many of which seem to offer different advice etc. Ive found that the biggest trick when researching different sites is to filter out the good and the bad.

If anyone has any ideas or stories about looking for self-help resources online please feel free to share, as I would imagine many others may benefit from your personal experiences 🙂

[catsloth]

Hey Tanz,

I have symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder and all my therapy has been designed for BPD. I also don't really believe in labels because my supposed PD requires you meet 5 of 9 criteria, but if you meet 4, for example, then you're okay. So let's perhaps think of the symptoms instead.

If you look online for BPD, you'll also see endless posts about it. There's a whole site dedicated towards telling men to avoid women with BPD. The stigma around BPD has changed recently and lessened, but it's still quite horrible to read.

My point is that you know, as I know, that perceptions can be quite untrue. What is true, however, is how you feel.

"Personality disorders" are really just a way to categorise long term behavioural patterns. This means you need help with working on correcting these behavioural patterns. What's working, or at least is supposed to work, for me is seeing my psychologist. I have a lot of really ingrained ones so I see her twice a week.

You said you're seeing a counsellor but you don't tell the full truth. If it's worth anything, you're not alone in that regard. I think you know what you need to do. It's hard to let someone in - I have serious trust issues too - but until you do, it will be very hard to address those concerns you have about possibly being a narcissist. You might find it slightly amusing to know that half of my sessions are spent saying, "actually, I lied".

[Tanz]

Thanks very much your advice is very useful and will assist me on my journey. I appreciate people actually making the effort to reach out shows that others do care. 🙂

[Tanz]

Hi James,
Thanks for your response.
I will do some research on BPD.
In the past I've looked up various disorders as I've noticed behaviour patterns in other people and I use to say to myself we all have emotional challenges some just deal with it better than others. I'm doing some self development work at the moment to assist in areas where my emotions hold me back such as jealousy, low self esteem, very little confidence...
In saying that I do feel that a lot of my behaviour is outrageous and if I was looking at me from the other side of the fence I would want to run away.
But one good thing is I'm recognising it and I'll continue to work on myself.
That is funny you say to your psychologist I just lied. I've been saying it to myself recently when I say things that are not true.
You are right I know my own truth. Its not nice someone you care about saying I have all different mental disorders. I do act like it sometimes but I am also in control and know how to managed it but its getting to that state in the first place is where I need help.
Thanks James I will remember what you said next time I'm seeing my counsellor and laugh to myself and say that I'm lied as well. 🙂

[Former-Member]

hello @Tanz @NotLabelDefined @catsloth

I am thinking that apart from symptoms of unwellness you are having others add their own unqualified diagnoses.

Narcissism is a term that has floated to the top of the quagmire and appears on many articles.

Internet research to self-diagnose is very unhealthy. You cannot diagnose yourself no matter how many articles you read.

First and foremost do you want to investigate this further for yourself or are you doing this to satisfy your partner?

If you want to do this for you, gently explain to him that you are seeking professional advice and for that to work, the information discussed needs to remain between specialist and patient. You appreciate his support and standing by you. He needs to realise that name calling or stand over tactics are not helpful but just the opposite. So carefully explain you are looking into it. as for diagnosis that takes ages.

As others have said and in my mind you come first then secondly you need to feel comfortable and safe with your specialist. You may need mediction so someone who is qualified to prescribe medications.

Also you do not have to reveal all, it takes time to talk about yourself, your inner feelings and this is where you need to feel the safety with your specialist and that needs time to build that trust.

I feel exactly the same in non labelling, no boxes, no surveys, have symptoms of illnesses am not the illnesses. the symptoms have helped form part of my characteristics of my personality over the years. We are forever learning about ourselves.

Lastly you are very brave in writing your thoughts on here. Your words do not read as though they are written by a narcissist. Then again I am not qualified. I have lived in the past with someone who had some narcissistic characteristics. They dont usually expose their feelings on forums because they believe that there is nothing wrong with them, it is always the fault of the other person.

be gentle with yourself, take it slowly, remember to breathe and tell your partner that there is no place for name calling within a relationship.

take care.

[catsloth]

Hey Tanz,

Thanks for replying. I think you're doing an amazing thing by trying to do all these things about self-improvement.

I used to say to my ex that I'd hate to date me. I'd say it in a joking way, but deep inside I really did mean it. So I know what you mean when you say you'd just run away if looking from the other side of the fence.

But just as we know the worst parts of ourselves, we sometimes forget to see the good parts. You seem to be trying very hard to improve yourself and I think with the help of your counsellor, someone who can help you talk through situations and your responses, I think you'll be making progress in no time 🙂

[Mazarita]

Hi @Tanz,

Personally I think 'narcissist' is one label that is especially bandied about these days, usually to say something derogatory, even damning, about a person. I cringe when I hear others describe their ex (for example) as a narcissist. To me it says something negative instead about the person making the claim. As others have said, I'd look for qualified answers to your problems and not take on board the words of others, which may in effect really be insults. They may also have their own agenda for labelling you this way.

Best wishes to you  in your journey.