Lived Experience Forum

[throughmyeyes]

Hi everyone.

Any advice or suggestions on how 2 borderlines (myself and my husband) can have a better relationship?
We argue pretty much everyday, and our moods are so up and down and when one is depressed, the other may be happy or feeling positive and then the depression shuts the other person down. It's just a sick cycle. I am going to start DBT therapy very soon as I was just diagnosed with BPD last week. My husband was diagnosed 2 years ago. It's really hard because I'm willing to commit to therapy and my husband is not the type of person that would be willing to do it.

Such a mess....

😞

[throughmyeyes]

We are both 33 years old

[Lunar]

Hello @throughmyeyes,

I am not sure I have met you before, so a big welcome to the forums from myself 🙂

That sounds incredibly hard as you are both experiencing mental health issues but also in a carer role for one another.

That is really great that are you starting DBT therapy in a week, throughout this therapy you may start to feel more support to help cope yourself better and also care for your partner without burning yourself out.

You mentioned your partner does not want to do DBT, are they linked in with a counsellor or psychologist for support at the moment too?

Perhaps, now is the time to focus on yourself and getting that extra support and then your partner will see how that is helping you and may want to also get that support, you will also be able to cope better with their symptoms.

I have found some resources on the Australian BPD Foundation website that might be helpful for you both:

Australian BPD Foundation

http://bpdfoundation.org.au/help-tips.php

Please keep sharing, we are here for you

Lunar

[catsloth]

Hi throughmyeyes,

That sounds so hard! I have various BPD symptoms as well, but most strongly fear of abandonment which makes me act in very passive aggressive ways.

Definitely the DBT sounds like it will help greatly, even if it is hard. How your partner manages his BPD is ultimately up to him unfortunately. He needs to come to accept that he needs help because pushing him to do it won't work.

The best you can do, as Lunar said, is probably just to focus on getting yourself to a good spot mentally. And, where possible, support your partner and encourage him to seek help but he is not your responsibility especially if you are struggling as well.

[Shaz51]

Hello @throughmyeyes , how are you going today and your husband

[BlueBay]

Hi @throughmyeyes

I feel for you, it is very hard having BPD and especially as your husband has it too. But the good thing is that you are going to do DBT therapy.  That is grreat; it's a shame your husband won't try it.

I have BPD and was diagnosed about 8 years ago.  Once my job situation is sorted I will do DBT therapy as well.

It is a big commitment (one year) but from what I know it is worth it.

I do understand what you mean about the ups and downs.

Is your husband seeing a psychologist? Perhaps they can help him while you do the DBT.