Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[maddison]

@tonys Unless you tell me directly not to keep writing you. I'm going to. Or unless SANE people tell me I'm being stalkerish - Everybody's stalking.

If you sent me letters I would love it. I'm thinking you are the same. You said heaps of times that you loved my letters & once... Me. I love you too.

It would obviously be amazing, my dream come true, if we could talk in person. I don't know if that's ever possible. I don't have any evidence. I think I will be super sad if that is the outcome. I know that by us meeting each other here, you have changed my life. I don't know if that is enough - I would not recind.

[holdinghope5]

Hey @maddison @tonys ,

I'm holdinghope5, a moderator on the forums tonight. 

I am pleased you have been able to find invaluable connection on the forums @maddison . 

When people find connection, it is so powerful to be able to cling to it and not let it go. And as you said, it would be great if this connection is in real life and you could talk in person, eh?

But it's right you also said there is 'no evidence' as moderators ensure ANONYMITY is maintained.

Thank you for understanding @maddison and @tonys .

[maddison]

Thankyou @holdinghope5 I like your name!

We have not spoken before.

Sorry, I am a little unclear on your reply. I don't think I was implying anything at all - in fact I stated clearly that this is 'a dream' of mine - not based in any reality.

Please do not make me feel that I am doing anything wrong by expressing a desire. Expression is good for our souls. I don't want to feel restricted in what I can express.

I vehemently oppose any inference that my letter to @tonys  crossed any boundaries. I feel insulted that I am not being treated with the respect, that my words of honesty deserve.

As stated, if tonys does not want me to communicate with him - that is for them to voice.

It has upset me that my very open & honest communication (an exceptionally rare - if not endangered gift) has been tainted by your 'moderation.' Entirely unnecessary.

I am not sure if you are new, if you knew the type of person I am - I literally have too much respect for others. I am overcome with kindness & forgiveness. I don't deserve to have my heart, misconstrued & twisted.

I am sure there are many people on this forum who would like to know each other in real life. 

That is not an outlandish statement to make to another person.

I like talking with tonys because I believe we have a close bond. I believe they understand my heart, & I them. I believe in love & happiness. I have no reason to let go. I hope everyone holds tightly to whatever they find in this world that brings true happiness.

[maddison]

I have read my reply again @holdinghope5 . It is about hope! Perhaps it is false hope. Is that your intention? It is me who chooses this. If it makes me happy to believe in a dream, why would you want to take that away?

[maddison]

I am sorry @holdinghope5 it is not my intention to be rude, or insult you in any way. I am deeply offended by your comment on my page. I kindly & politely ask that you please consider removing your comment from my page. I'm not confident that you will respect my wishes. It would mean the world to me if you could be gracious enough & sure me this kindness. 

I have been bullied, as we all have, throughout my life. My page on SANE is about me & my feelings. Your comment has made me feel bullied 

Please, if you would be so very kind & consider deleting your message, I would be endlessly appreciative. It would provide me with a sense of empowerment. I do not mean you any Ill feelings. I feel abused that my words were not honoured. Thankyou.

[maddison]

There are many many beautiful beautiful people on this forum @holdinghope5 People have held my hand thru my darkest moments. I have been given more than I knew possible. I am eternally grateful for the support & kindness & LOVE I have been given. People, like me, different - I have learnt from all. I enjoy having a place I can read & interact with others. I have autism. My interpersonal skills are extra - ordinary. Like everyone, I have my own demons & insecurities. I work really hard everyday to understand myself & others. I work on trusting my self & others. It's really fuc king hard. I never give up. If I am needed, I show up ALWAYS. I am not complete - I am a work in progress. I'm doing lots better than I was & lots better than many people out there. Especially, considering my struggles. I'm not all the way there - my progress is astounding, unprecedented.

I have had comments like yours previously in relation to my posts. It makes me feel like SANE does not get me. It makes me feel this is not the place for me. 

If you want to read through any of my posts, you will see depth, maturity, strength, determination, humility, & jokes. When I am treated as though I am incapable, it demeans me. Your moderation was unwarranted.

What I was engaging in was incredibly healthy. I was expressing my insights & daily activities to a friend. A person who actually listens & knows me. My good & bad, & loves & accepts both. This is the most healthy & sacred bond humans can share with one another.

Not everyone will attain this, in this lifetime. Few chosen.

I can't continue to explain myself & battle adversarial forces. I am very sad that I won't be able to connect with the enlightened souls who I have shared with & grown close with.

I am sad that I cannot offer support & thoughts to the new members or people experiencing pain.

I cannot continue to defend my position & have my words taken out of context & used against me. It is too painful. It does not serve me.

I don't know who I will talk to now. Maybe I will move to Alaska.

I'm sorry I couldn't achieve the respect & trust I know I'm worthy of. I thought I was doing a good thing by reaching out & telling a friend who I was. That is what I would want.

This is seemingly not the place for respected expression. 

I know it will happen again. You are the second person who has interfered with my self expression. 

I don't want to do it like this. I need more.

✌️ Out MoFo's 

maddison 

[Basil]

Hey @maddison 

I'm sorry to see the pain and distress that has surfaced here ❤️

It is genuinely a privilege for us (the community) to bear witness to each other's vulnerability, something that you @maddison, gift us so beautifully 💜💜 As mods, we try our absolute best to honour and respect everyone's expression of the heart whilst maintaining our safety guidelines, and that balance can be very tricky - how can one moderate art?! 

Know that you are deeply valued in our community and I respect your decision to take a moment to consider what feels safe, healthy, and healing for you ❤️🌱

We are always open to working with members, so please feel free to reach out to team@saneforums.org if you would like to directly get in touch.

[tonys]

@maddison  Hello Maddison.  How are you feeling my friend.   Its a question that unravels many simple mysteries.   . . . .   because me .. I feel like I have been stampeded over by every 4 legged critter in the district...   In short ,   if you didnt get my last kite ,  I'm awfully crook mate.  Your not on anyones  shitt list,   You  are in room  186    9th floor in my brain.   The sign on the door says ,  fond memories ,  fringe dwelling  friends....   And   Mate I see your light glowing  under the door,.    but i have been just  way  too frail too force the door.

Please dont over think things,   Yes we both needed a spell in the paddock ,  and you  gotta think about your job,   and others in need ,  but soon as im well ,  I will ink my quill and commence kite manufacture again.

Ive got a nurse comes an goes.   meals delivered and a bucket each side of the bed.

Now all I need is time.

My head how ever is always happy,  Locksmiths paradise...  Its that you'll get that,  Is what makes us friends

Now , just do what you must and no more to make your days mean something to you,  and ...

well ..   best i say no more for now..         

Just ...............  dont over think things..

Dream  off air ships and skys filled with sun flowers  and stay safe..

Lights out      tonys moon  base  one

[tonys]

@holdinghope5   Hello there. How are you.    Saw you tagged me a few nights back,  and sorry ,  I clean forgot to respond..      I do hope you had an easy night flying the,   moderator desk.   I bet it could be a challenge.

Does It sometimes come down to ,   who you think is best able to withstand a   "hit' ,    broadest shoulders,      rules and policy,    or an awkward  cocktail of both.      Not a job I could ever  do,

While  my t v  is black and white,   my  brain spends much of its time in the kitchen  blender...

My bulb is a bit dim ,  as I am unwell,  so I did not fully understand the message behind the message,  but its always good to have my existence confirmed.   Letters always are welcome.

I am currently doing   101  crook in bed  crash course.  .  .  ...   Rule  one....  If you have a emergency  bucket next to the bed...     dont  stand in it when you first get out of bed next morning.

rule 2    A  size  9  bucket is too neat a fit   for a size  10   foot.

rule  3 .     Ensure  that  relationship  between foot  and  bucket remain  steadfast and true  as you  progress from  woollen carpet  to tiled  wet area.     Divorce is always messy....!

Now what was I saying ,    Yes ,    How  you must face some strange people and challenges,

as the walk their feet through your office.

Thankyou for all that you give and I have no doubt that life will reward you for kind heart.

best wishes .         Tonys   moon base 1 

[EternalFlower]

Hello @maddison speak ur truth , I am so grateful for U and hope U feel safe here.

I think it is super healthy to be wary of censorship.

I also think you'd be a great psw.

I hope U are ok xoxo