Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[sybill07]

Hi,

Thought I'd see if this is common, and what tips and tricks you all might have gathered?

So husband is definitely unmotivated. Part of the condition, part of the situation and falling into a depression.

I've never been able to encourage him to have a hobby, even before he got sick. His passion was cooking. But even that has gone now.

I find tonite a bit trying. He seems to be depressed to me but he says he isn't. He's not talkative, doesn't want anything (even ice cream!) and just has the sad 'stares'.

I've already mentioned to the treating pysch that I think he's depressed and they increased the medication a week ago. I guess it won't make much difference yet?

If I have to be any more positive and lively and encouraging, I think my head will explode. I've already got the manic fixed grin, trying to be a positive influence. I think I'm starting to scare him...

ARGH!

I think I'll shut up at the moment and let him have some space. But this is an ongoing struggle I have to try to gently motivate him. If I don't, he is liable to sleep all day. But at the moment he isn't finding joy in anything really 😞 I guess these things come and go, and it's been a difficult week. But at times like this I feel I'm not doing enough and he would be happier back in his country with his family.

Sorry if this isn't in the right place for posting. It's I guess about setting boundaries for me isn't it, and not having to be responsible for all his health and happiness (did I just say that???). But it's a v fine line, isn't it!

[CannonSalt]

Going for a walk and inviting him to come with might be an idea? It's well thought of in the literature for good mental health. You would be doing it for yourself and inviting him to share it, not 'walking your husband'.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @sybill07

Sounds worrying and tiring caring for your husband. @Shaz51 also cares for her husband who has depression and find she has to motivate him, and stick by him on daily basis for him to get through. Perhaps she can add some thoughts here. I also think @Cat64 cares for her partner and learning to apply boundaries, which she's written about here. Perhaps she can give some advice or suggest some resources?

@sybill07 I wonder if your hubby might be able to tell you when he feels a bit better how you can motivate him during his down days? Setting up a plan together about what you can do might help.

[Shaz51]

Hello  @CherryBomb, @sybill07, @CannonSalt

Wow @CherryBomb you have hit the nail on the head about me --caring  for her husband who has depression and find she has to motivate him, and stick by him on daily basis for him to get through, this is so so true

[Shaz51]

hello @sybill07, I know exactly what you mean !! --If I have to be any more positive and lively and encouraging, I think my head will explode. I've already got the manic fixed grin, trying to be a positive influence.

I find it takes time and hard work for us , my husband changes his mind all the time ,  everyday , I can`t plan things , have to be flexiable because we might something in the morning and then he will go to bed for a sleep for the afternoon

@sybill07 you said  they have  increased the medication a week ago. I guess it won't make much difference yet? -- it takes time to adjust to the increase of medication

If you have other questions , ask me ok I don`t mind @sybill07

[Shaz51]

hello @sybill07 and : @CherryBomb

@sybill07, finding the right medication and doses makes a differnce -- i am finding this is so true  ,

and for carers to say how they feels thing are going to mental health team -- and that is trail and error too because you get some that listen and some just want to up the dose of medication

and it doesn`t help when on mental health person said in my face that it was my fault ,i left crying which upset my hubby for the rest of the day -- that day was a washout

[Shaz51]

Hello @CherryBomb, i hope i didn`t upset you with my comment , i am sorry if i did

[Shaz51]

Hello @sybill07, Have been thinking of you , how are you going ??

How is you husband going