Lived Experience Forum

[Arizona]

Thank God for Johnny Rotten and the Sex Pistols.

"Anarchy in the UK" - live at the Brixton Academy, London 2007

https://youtu.be/DH29EJOD_ec

[Arizona]

Oh my goodness, it's so cold here tonight. I was talking on the phone with my sister and I forgot to put the heater on. I have put it on now. 

I have a lot of different feelings about our phone conversation. I won't go into them here but it made me realise that I need to look after myself first when I'm around her. She's coming over tomorrow and she's going to take me to the supermarket. I'm grateful for her friendship and support but I'm also wary of the need that I have to look after myself. Also, she is living with my father at the moment and I don't want any contact with him so I have to be careful about that too.

It's nice to sit here with my Pug. I will have a shower soon and try to figure out what to eat. I have run out of food and it's too cold to go to the supermarket. I can't even have a cup of tea because I have run out of soy milk. 

[Arizona]

Something happened with my sister today and I'm very upset. I deleted what I wrote. I will come back later and write about it. I'm too upset.

[Arizona]

I'm still too upset to write about it. I might have to come back another day. All I can say is that my sister is completely mental.

[Arizona]

I changed my mind (sorry).

[Arizona]

I'm still very upset about what happened with my sister. I'm crying but that's mostly because I miss my mum (who died 21 years ago) and I think it's a good thing that I'm crying because I can hardly ever cry. Maybe after standing up to my sister after all these years I can finally grieve for my mum and heal. 

It's a long story but I have always had a difficult relationship with my family. When my mum died my whole family turned to sh*t. It was like all their craziness came out of the woodwork. A psychiatrist once said that my family took their anger and grief etc about my mum's death out on me. It was really a culmination of the abusive way they had treated me for years, my whole life maybe. 

I stood up to them because I didn't agree with the way they were handling my mum's estate (I was with my mum when she wrote her will). And they basically disowned me. Their behaviour was so shocking and hurtful. I had always had problems with my family but I never imagined that they would treat me like that. It was very traumatic. My depression and anxiety became much worse. 

I'm going to be 50 in about three weeks. And I will not be blamed or held responsible for my family's problems any longer. And I will not enable my sister like the rest of my family do.

She was my mum too and I deserve to grieve for her. 

[greenpea]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjpF8ukSrvk&list=RDGMEMQ1dJ7wXfLlqCjwV0xfSNbA&index=4

[Adge]

Job Application - "No Work Available"

I applied for a Parks & Gardens (Gardening) Position, a few weeks ago – In response to their Advertisement (Job Listing).

The Contracting Agency Phoned me to say that there are No Positions Available at the moment – They will keep me in mind, in case a position comes up.

I don’t understand this.

When I applied for that Job Ad, I expected there to be work available now (it said Now).

Why place a Job Ad, when they have no actual work (no jobs) to offer?

Adge

[Arizona]

It's my 50th birthday in 16 days. 

I can't believe that I'm 50. I can't believe how fast the years have gone by. I feel angry that I was born into such a f***ed up family and how this affected my life.

I want to try my hardest to make my life be about me now. That might sound weird but my life has mostly been about other people and their problems.

What makes me angry is that I was at peace with my mum's death, and her dying of cancer, and it was my family's actions after her death that f***ed me up.

I don't want to be bitter about the past and I don't want to waste any more time on my family. I only want to be around people who appreciate who I am. I only want to be around people who make me feel good about myself. 

I wish I hadn't answered the phone when my sister called but I wasn't to know. I didn't realise that she was so f***ed up. My dad tried to tell me but I didn't understand. 

I just have to try and make my life be about me now.

[Adge]

Traffic Management (Course & Work after) is not using any of my skills or experience -

- either in Horticulture & Gardening (12 years)

- or in Disability & Aged Care Support (12 years)

Yet the DES Jobsearch Provider will Only help me to get into Traffic Management (they said).

They were not interested in helping me to obtain Jobs in my areas of experience....

- Not in Horticulture & Gardening, & not in Disability or Aged Care Support either.

So I was left with no choice, but to say Yes to Traffic Management.

Of course they want me to Stay in Traffic Management Long-Term (or forever).

Yes work is good, if it is sustainable Long-Term.

Really "What a Total Waste" of my Empathetic nature, my Care, my Compassion, & my Dedication to Caring for people & Plants - Is the Best Summary, that's all that can be said about it.....

It's so s....fff....d up.

If my decades of experience in Horticulture, Disability & Aged Care Support Counts for Nothing - Then why bother?....

Adge