Lived Experience Forum

[Anastasia]

@Powderfinger 🤗❤️

@Zoe7 your Dad ☹️🤗🙏💞

So sorry to hear hun hoping he's ok?

Gosh it doesn't rain it pours hey? x

[Zoe7]

Thanks @Anastasia  I really hoped it had all ended but the rain does continue to pour - we'll get through it though - no choice - just have to 👍

[Powderfinger]

@Zoe7 

WELL, that is VERY IMPRESSIVE. Well done to you quite a few times over. That is quite amazing. Self taught or studied? I have always wanted solid wood bookshelves and a beautiful bay window where I could sit and read. 

Yeah, I have started. Never done it before, so I am a NKOB. I have made lots of mistakes, but I have done a lot right as well. I am also a learner, so all good. 

[Zoe7]

Self taught @Powderfinger I am a very visual person so give me a picture or example and a measuring tape and I can do most things. My biggest passions are painting and making papier mache things. I made a life size giraffe, panda and baby elephant with my kids at school for the christmas pageant. One year we also made Smurf heads out of foam and material. It took me a while to get the template right but then we produced around 20 of them with all the kids helping to cut and glue them all together. I also made all the costumes - even had little ones done for Toby (he has always been in the pageant with us). I am hoping at my new school this year I can do the pageant again (COVID dependant of course). Teaching Art 4 days a week will allow us to get everything together much easier if the Principal agrees - fingers crossed.

I have a lovely big window in the spare room that is not exactly a bay window but built out a little so a window seat there will be great. I am going to do a cross between country and Hamptons style for the seat and bookcase - all white. Still deciding on the room colour but leaning towards dark green. There is enough natural light in there to make that work.

I think we learn so much from giving things a go and learning along the way - so well done you. The more you do the better you will get at it - and enjoy yourself along the way.

[Powderfinger]

I thought that you may be an art teacher. It is good you are happy in your chosen profession. No doubt it has its challenges as well. I hope you can do the pageant this year at your new school. 

I am not too bad with visual things myself, but then creating what I see visually into a form of art is best done for me through words. I do like Art. I like going to see Art and just looking at it. I went to an Arthur Boyd exhibition last year here during the writers festival. 

Sounds like a very interesting idea for the spare room you have there. It will be fun when you get to that part of  creating and renovating. 

[Powderfinger]

A hard day here. Struggled from.about 11am onwards. Went into.spare room.for something this afternoon.snd saw all her belongings she had put there ready to pack up. 

I looked at it all for a brief moment, tears started to well up in my eyes, I walked out, went back to my workshop and cried. It was a reminder of the life I was building with her that was no longer and a wake up call that this is really happening. Just been on auto pilot. 

Then, doing some work outdoors tonight and she decides to put classical music on very loud (unlike her) and start packing everything up into boxes. I didn't want to hear the classical music nor did I want to hear her packing. She is still packing. Everytime zi see her, I am telling myself horrific ble things in my head. You are so far and frumpy, no wonder she doesn't want you. 

I am in between 50 and 55 kg's when we met. I am in between 70 and 75 kg's now. I know that may seem fine to others, bit when you have not weighed that much before it's a big change. 

I just feel like I'm probably disgusting to look at. I don't look.at her at all, I just pretend I'm by myself and just keep going. She used to tell me I was beautiful and gorgeous when we met. For two people who.were very close and had a deep bond, I'm not a single thing anymore. 

I don't talk.to her or initiate any conversation. The little that I did text if it was important I have even stopped. I don't feel she will do everything right by me. I realised to night that until she leaves and even when she leaves this is going to be hard and painful. 

I'm concerned about my abandonment issues coming up as time gets closer to her leaving. I'm thinking of going to stay in a hotel maybe so so do not have to watch her leave and say nothing at all to me. I know I'm going to cry anyway. I'm just wondering if it would be easier to stay in a hotel and return when she has left. She will be gone then and so don't have to go through more pain actually watching her leave. 

I'm not coping tonight. Please do not say I got this, or this too shall pass, be strong or any other useless and unhelpful things. I'm not coping this evening.