Lived Experience Forum

[Change123]

Ok I'm about to smash something over my bosses head!  He is 76 yrs old completely lost his shit and constantly blaming people for things they havent done and this morning it was my turn.  I'm getting ridiculed , told I do nothing when he has no proof and something he blamed me for had nothing to do with me but if I try to say anything he just yells at me and thats one of my triggers!

God I have gone for a walk, I have tried to calm down but my rage is just going out of control and if I'm not carfeul by the end of th day I will be out of a job if act out!  If I could I would tell him where to shove his fricken job  but I'm not in a position to do so.  I'm fricken HR and he doesnt believe in HR.  I know if I wanted to I could easily take them to unfair dissmissal or bullying etc but I dont need that stress.  Just when I get on top of myself he comes back from overseas, he has been away for 1 month and then yesterday the second he came in shit starts - I'm not the only one at my wits end but thats all I care about right now.

Sorry Im just venting trying to get out my rage- grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[BlueBay]

Oh @Change123

That is terrible, i feel for you.  Glad you have gone for a walk to distract and calm yourself down. Slow down your walking and take some slow deep breaths.

I don't know what to say or what advice to give.  But pls try to calm down, I do know how you feel,.

Is your boss staying at work all day? what time do you finish?

Sending you calming vibes xxxooo

[Change123]

Thanks @BlueBay and yes he will be here whole day we have a happy Melbourne cup luncheon to go!  

Atleast one thing it has showed me what my triggers are at work and how much this place does effect me.  I have calmed a little but right now I still want to throw something at him!  

In all honesty we think he is getting dementia as he is acting very eratic lately and losing things and his memory but doesnt that make me feel any better. 

Got to get my rage sorted before I get home, last thing I need is to instigate something at home.

Thanks for responding I appreciate it very much.

How are yout oday feeling better?

[BlueBay]

@Change123

glad you have calmed down a bit.  I think your boss needs to retire!!!! Sounds like he is causing a lot of stress and anger among other staff incuding yourself.  

When you leave work can you sit in the car and do some mindfulness meditation, even 5 mins before driving home.  That way you will feel calmer.

take care 

I'm not bad, I need to write something on my post (having a bad morning).

chat later, hope the rest of the day gets a little easier.  xxxoo

[Change123]

Yes he sure does.

I need to go to shops after work so I think I will try and do some breathing excercises and then play lots with my beautiful boy! (furbaby) I guess when its something ridiculous it just gets my blood boiling.  I do the pays and the MD (his wife) transfers pays into the accounts.  A few weeks ago she was sick and we got one of the guys to drop off the dongle that connects her laptop to the bank so she could transfer the money.  Apparently the way I do the pays is wrong and how could I sit by and let the pays not happen unless she did this.  I tried to explain I dont have the authority or passwords or dongle to be able to do this- he wouldnt listen and just kept ranting and yelling at me.

Anway will stop now as otherwise I wont calm down - thanks @ sadgirl you have helped. 🙂 (still would feel better if i smashed a chair over his head :))

[utopia]

@Change123. I can't emphasize this strongly enough. Please leave this employer asap. Look for another job. My MI developed due to my workplace and multiple managers ridiculous expectations. It became a highly toxic environment. I've been on WorkCover for just over two years. You don't want to go through what I have. It's soul destroying. As I imagine it feels to you when he is screaming.
Is there any other boss or high positioned manager - that you can talk to about his unexceptable behavior. Alternatively, speak to your union.
But I really think the best course of action is to find a more nurturing and safe workplace.
I wish you all the best.

[PeppiPatty]

DEarest @Change123

Though I agree with @utopia.....one day Ill tell you a story........

Sometimes I recognise it's not as easy as leaving. LOVE @BlueBay support. 

My suggestion is to go into.....breakdown behaviour.....

1. record his yelling if you have your mobile at hand.

2. Walk away. Charge the shop for a nice cup of tea in a cafe. 

3. Think immediately for support. What can you do to care for yourself immediately. Maybe something as little as a visit to the chemist to buy panadol or even a visit to the GP to play back the recording to show him/her the amount of stress you are under is needed? 

PP

[Change123]

Thanks @utopia, @BlueBay, @PeppiPatty

He is being nice to all of us he abused yesterday and yes the environment is very toxic at the moment.  It neveer used to be like this but things have gone quiet and we are on a 4 day week so that obviously hasnt helped but we believe as he is 76yrs old he may be going through dimentia. Cant talk to anyone else as he is the owner and manager . 

@utopia I totally understand the implications as I'm the HR Manager and cant do a thing to improve anything as I need permission from him.  I had an arguement with his recently because an employee was upset about something and he said instead of me being empathetic etc I should just tell them " grow up, stop being a princess and F...! off!"  when I said you cant say that there are laws etc he response was I dont care its my company.  I just thought WOW!  I also used to be in workers comp so understand it from that point too.  The only reason I am here now is that its 5 mins from home literally, good pay and good hours.  I am trying to wait and see if things change - he never used to be like this before...

Anyway I survived one of my worst days for triggers and didnt realise when I originally posted that this was just the beginning of the day!

After my argument and calming other managers down from the wrath of the boss, I then had a conflict situation with Aust Post (have had many dramas over 18 months with them) and found out they werre keeping our business mail since August and only advised us yesterday!  So I had to go down and sort it out when my rage was at its worst and then to top the day off an employee came and confided in me about personal problems and how its affecting work.  He is a very placid sort of guy and has 2 very young kids and his wife is having what sounds like BPD issues, rage, not coping with kids, punching walls, taking it out on her husband - it was like listening to my partner from 15 years ago! BUT I GOT THROUGH! very anxiously but I got through which suprised the hell out of me!

Today the boss is going around sucking up to us all but there is neveran apology!

[utopia]

@Change123. Sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place.
I know it's not as simple as walking away into another job.
I live in a small regional area and there was no other employment around. And I had a mortgage to pay and a child to raise on my own. So no, things are never simple.
Does he have a wife or children that you know? Maybe you could talk to them of your concerns regarding his health.
Or like @peppipatti said - record his rantings and play them to the gp.
The gp will then get a clear understanding of the extreme stress you are under & how sick yiur boss is.
I truly hope that things improve for you quickly.

[Change123]

Hi @utopia

The wife is 20 years younger and is the managing director here, german lady who is even worse than him.  She is very stern, very argumentative aswell and can be abusive and extremely moody so its one happy family!!!!!!!!

I'm just keeping my eye open for jobs that come up around my area.

Until then I just have to realise its their problem not mine, fortunately my direct manager understands and deals with the same frustrations - all we seem to do throughout our work day is putting out fires that the owner has caused - usually upsetting people.  I know of some who have sought bullying advice.  Fortunately I think I have earnt the trust of the employees but they also know that I can only do so much. We have had a few people of late resign becuase of their crap but they twist it in their minds that it was because they did something wrong and didnt want to face the consequences. Recording him or anything like that wont make any difference, yes I could take it to workcover and all that but to be honest I dont need all that extra stress.  I have seen how they "push" someone out of this company, they dont terminate many but lots leave!

I'll just keep looking, I also have this stubborn streak in me that really annoys me - I dont want to give them the satisfaction of my resigning - its too easy for them.  

Anyway surprisingly I feel ok today considering.

Thanks everyone!