Lived Experience Forum

[Dadcaringalone]

Dear @eth@greenpea

I hit the wall last night and did not have any energy left! My son is still unfortunately off the reservation and has blamed his out-of-control manic anger on me! The interference of my wife has made it much worse. I agree with you Eth, his medication is definitely not right. I don’t think he can come down unless he is readmitted. I heard from his case worker who has been in contact with him. He’s apparently safe, but I’m not sure how to move forward if he lacks this insight.

Thanks for all your kind support. I’m not doing too well at the moment. I tried to contact a previous psychologist because my current psychologist is currently away. I can’t get on to any of them. I will call up the men’s help line and also the peak body for Carers in this state.

Thanks for both of your support 

lots of love

Dadcaringalone

[eth]

Sending warm wishes @Dadcaringalone Hoping you can get some support soon.

[frog]

This thread may be worth a look @MorningSilence

[Dadcaringalone]

@greenpea

Thanks greenpea! After almost a week going aywol my son’s home. He’s still not right. He’s seeing his case worker tomorrow and psychiatrist on Friday with the public system because I was worried last week and kept pushing until they agreed to treat him urgently. Think there might be some break through symptoms or he’s not telling me that the hallucinations or psychosis is coming back. He was bringing up the Police problems we had in the past last night and he’s still really angry with me for some reason. I’m worried and remember you mentioned its a lot more humane and holistic in the private health system. If possible could you please explain how he could get assistance in the private health system. He’s at the limits of the public health system now if they don’t get on top of his current mood volatility. Do hope you are well and things are going well for you. Dadcaringalone 

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone Hi Dadcaringalone I am so glad that your son is back home even though the situation is far from perfect. My daughter has found her private stay to be calm and non threatening. She is in for her depression. The food is great and the nurses are wonderful. There are different sorts of private hospitals those dealing with more difficult patients and others like my daughter's who is dealing with very compliant patients.

You dont have drug affected patients in private hospitals which unfortunately you have at public. I would never send Julian back to the public hospital again because of the amount of drug users that were there. Not that they were mean to him but the atmosphere wasn't healthy.

[Dadcaringalone]

Thanks @greenpea

You are a really awesome mum and your kids are so lucky they have you! I agree that it’s not a very conducive environment to improving your mental health. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going as the unappreciated carer who’s like the family dog you can kick when you are down and blame for everything that goes wrong with your mental health! Think my wife and son enjoy having a punching bag that doesn’t fight back and who has been emotionally destroyed through the entire process. I felt myself slipping recently with my own mental health especially whrn my son disappeared  because I don’t have anyone to talk to apart from my Sane forum friends. Thanks for your rapid response. Gotta go to sleep now because I’m absolutely emotionally exhausted and drained again.

Thanks for your virtual friendship and care. Good night and sweet dreams 

[MorningSilence]

That was exactly what I needed to hear today @Mazarita.🌟

I relate to so much of this. Thinking that you are a horrible person all of your life is miserable. I wore my mask since I was around 6. I clearly see all of the instances where I was in a full blown manic state. Many were very damaging. I too was diagnosed with depression, and thyroid disease. The medicine threw me into several all out manic times. 

I’m just starting this and learning how others handle this means so much. Truly thank you. 

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone  Good morning Dadcaringalone I hope you slept well last night as sleep helps alot when we are troubled. Thank you for your super kind words .... I think you are pretty fantastic yourself dealing with everything that you do  :). I found with my schizo I would be very angry and lash out at those I love the most. Just remember it is your son's mi talking not him plus he won't remember half of it. He needs to get to hospital even if it is the dreaded public and his medication needs to be looked at propretly.

Dadcaringalone does he actually take his meds? Does he self medicate with alcohol and other drugs? You will always have friends here at Sane :). Don't forget you are a great guy in a awful situation, be kind to yourself. greenpea xxx

[Dadcaringalone]

Thanks so much @greenpea Your insights are very profound. What is scaring me at the moment is that everyone seems to be screaming at me and there is a limit to this that anyone can handle! How he was with me last week in terms of his anger reminded me of how he was with the Police 2 years ago and that brought it all back. Even when he met me on Monday night he brought up the Police experience saying that hasn’t been resolved ie he’s still angry with me and wants to punish me for restraining him from the command hallucinations ordering him to self harm. Honestly I don’t know whether it’s the mania or breakthrough psychotic symptoms at the moment or what. I am just avoiding him at the moment walking on egg shells trying not to trigger another uncontrolled fit of anger. My wife doesn’t believe how bad it currently is as she’s not on the ground to gain insights about our son’s illness and her misinformed interventions make the situation worse because she’s supporting his mania and like him will do anything including lieing to keep him away from another public hospital Adult mental health ward. I am the fall-guy and person blamed for the last hospital admission. They both are scared that I’m undermining all of their efforts to keep him out of hospital which I am. I spoke to a family friend last night who is a senior psychologist in the private health area which we saw in the past who initially diagnosed his schizophrenia and my son hates. She’s really worried about what I described and is scared his state is becoming chronic and said he’s smart and if he is reverting to previous experiences with the Police like I describe above that he’s probably having breakthrough symptoms whether  that be mania which is becoming addictive to him or hearing voices or hullucinations and is lieing about it and can manipulate the Acute care outpatients team to stay out of hospital at all costs. She really experienced and has seen everything and what she described seems to be pretty accurate observing from afar. 

I am feeling absolutely helpless, alone and completely isolated by this terribly illness. I sometimes feel like crying because I just try to care for my son and I am being treated absolutely terribly by everyone except for you and a few mates and that family friend psychiatrist I mentioned. I was going to raise my concerns again with my son’s case worker he’s seeing today but I feel like that a waste of time as I’m fighting his mania and tormentor (that the name we give the commander of his hallucinations)! He will fight with every breath to do whatever he can to manipulate the team to stay out of hospital at all costs and not treat his illness. I am seeing my own psychologist today to help me cope with all this bs and I might get up soon to walk down the street to get a poached egg to give me enough energy to get thru the day to see my psychologist late this arvo.

I truly mean it about what an awesome mum and person you are! Your lived experience and how you have fought through adversity is really expiring and I give you a big hug 🤗 for all your efforts and for your ongoing support.

Have an awesome day and so happy your daughter is getting helped! Mine is in a great place at the moment and finally her leg is healing and she’s moving forward with the new boyfriend she loves after dealing with the terrible impact on other family members of this terribly illness.

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone Hi Dadcaringalone good luck with your son's case worker today I will be thinking of you and wish you well. Here is a story for you my son was having psychotic symptoms way back when he was about 5 years of age but because of his age and his other diagnosis it was not fully diagnosed as childhood shizophrenia.... anyways one "specialist" I took him to see described his problems as "weird and wonderfuls".

I would love to meet up with him now with my son and say "Hi remember my son the one with the "weird and wonderfuls" !" what a D!ckhead he was. Hang in there Dadcaringalone your son will thank you for it.

ps: great news re daughter I am so happy that she is doing so well 🙂

greenpeaxxxx