Lived Experience Forum

[frog]

Hello @Elin. Yes, this is a good place to share about Bipolar 1. But it's certainly not the only place. Don't worry too much about posting in the wrong place. If the moderators think it belongs somewhere else they'll sometimes move it. 

It took me quite a while to navigate the site. It's the first forum I tried. You have probably worked this out already, but just in case - the bell in the top right corner of the screen is where you can find notifications for when someone has tagged you, supported one of your posts, or comments on a thread that you've been in.

Wishing you well today and hope you find the forum a good place to be. It's been wonderful for me.

[greenpea]

@Elin Hi Elin yes it is. Don't worry about making a few mistakes everyone does :). How are you today?

[Dadcaringalone]

Dear @greenpea you are such a great person who has been through a lot and is an awesome mother. So glad my messages brighten up your day and glad you look forward to them.

Sorry to disappoint with this message but my son has exhibited exteme bipolar anger since his meds were changed in the past month when he was recently hospitalized. I am at the stage were I need to protect my own mental health. This anger is triggered by absolutely nothing and an extremely deeply repressed emotionally issue usually comes out in these anger bursts which is extremely devastating to all those in the vicinity.  His doctor who is only awaiting retirement in the next month and his case worker think he’s in remission. I have tried everything and nothing else works. Its like a type of chemically induced anger straight-jacket which he’s currently wearing. The only thing that works but is impossible over the long-term is going into another room. It’s now having an extreme impact on my own mental health  so even though I am doing absolutely everything for my son and unconditionally love him, I have to bail out because this is an untenable situation over the long tern. He doesn’t want any counseling because both him and his case worker don’t think its a problem but he’s not going to have me his carer anymore. He’s paranoid that I’m going to take him back to hospital. Initially I thought I was over-worrying and over-compensating after all his suicide attempts this year. I’m the only person person he has left. It’s a sad situation for him, but as they say in airplanes “please put on your own life-jacket before others”. Why should a carer be unconditionally carering for someone who doesn’t see, admit or acknowledge the serious mental health damage that person with bipolar is doing to the only person who is left caring for them? I know you should endeavor to always see the person through the illness but this is negated when your own mental health and physical safety is being impacted and especially when they have very regular fits of uncontrollable untriggered extreme bipolar anger. Sorry to send this early on a Monday morning but after a major anger fit of my son late last night I have confined myself to my room because I have been physically scared by my son. The only other option is to get the Police to involuntarily admit him to hospital but this is useless because the same hospital thinks he’s in remission.

I wish you a very happy week and hope things have stabilized with your son and daughter. Xxxx

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone You are in a really tough situation ... I remember when my meds were not doing the job properly I would get these flashes of anger that would be uncontrolable and literally sweep over me.  Once the medications were right my flashes of anger have ceased, I no longer have them. The thing is it could have got me into real trouble with the law if they were not controlled by meds. That is something to consider with your son.

I know my son when he loses it is very scary. He is 7 foot tall and big I would have no control over him plus he is my son so I wouldn't want to do anything physical to restrain him .... You are in a very, very difficult situation. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your son well again and help you in this situation. greenpea

[Dadcaringalone]

@greenpea Thanks for your kind words greenpea! One positive bit of news is that my Carers allowance finally came in after about 3 months. What did you do to get in the right balance? You don’t need to give to specifics of the medication etc but just how I go about it from here as the medicos are’t supportive and we are at the end of their duty of care. It’s also difficult because he doesn’t see the problem and everyone else is wrong and he’s not listening to any psychologists or anyone else. Thanks for your ongoing support. You are a really angel 

xxx 

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone Hi Dadcaringalone I had a really great gp who put me in touch with a super psychiatrist who after 4 sessions diagnosed me with bipolar1 and started the long road of the right medication. He retired and another super psychiatrist took over my care he then diagnozed with schizo and juggled my medications until we had it just right. I had to be honest at each appointment and tell them what was going on but I wanted to get better as being 'insane' was no fun (I have to remember that when I want to go off my meds).

The 2 keys are psychiatrists (good ones) and your son being willing to open up to him/her and take the medications and of course time. Medications take time to work.  Both of my psychiatrists were private but did not charge me as I was a carer (you might get lucky there too) my current psychiatrist is also great but she charges me (can't win everything).

I hope that helps. I suppose what I am saying is your son has to be willing to be honest with the psychiatrists, take the medications and the psychiatrists have to be good. xxxx

[Dadcaringalone]

@greenpea We currently have 1 out of 3, we don’t have a good psychiatrists (mainly because my son doesn’t trust them anymore) I fortunately have family friends who work in this area who could help but he will not go to see them and be honest about his symptoms. The only positive is that he always takes his meds because he’s scared of scary command hallucinations coming back. Not sure if I can find any way to move forward with this because it has to be driven by him not me. The old saying that still applies “you can’t help someone if they don’t want to help themselves”. I had the same problem with my brother who’s an alcoholic and that will never change. Thanks for your kind support. Greatly appreciated xxx

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone always here if you want to just talk Dadcaringalone. xx

[Dadcaringalone]

You are the best greenpea

[MorningSilence]

Hey y’all.

I’m having kind of a hard time right now. I really don’t understand it. 

For the past week, and today, it has rained nonstop. Been very chilly. The dogs don’t want to go outside, I can’t walk around the neighborhood, I can’t meditate, I don’t want to get dressed, no journaling, and it’s taking me a long time to do anything. I feel like I’m going backwards. I’ve tried so hard. Truly. 

My friend of 13 years has been helping me with this. Truest friend I’ve ever had. His parents are the age of my grandparents. His dad is in Intensive Care and is going to die soon. His mom is trying to live by herself, early onset dementia, so she broke her arm and he has to do everything for her, plus work, plus me, and he’s so depressed. He is the only person that I have come in contact with, besides my mom, granny, his mom, and my son. Of course doctors. But no one from the outside world. He comes over everyday to check on me. But when he’s late, this anger builds up inside me, and last night it just came out. He is dealing with so much. Why would I say those things?

I have had issues with anger in the past but they faded away 3 years ago, when the giant roller coaster began. 

I used to be the person everyone went to because I was such a good listener and cherish my fellow man. That’s how I’ve always lived. 

I didn’t sleep but 4 1/2 hours last night. I’ve been on a strict sleep schedule. 10-6 

Im all over the place right now. I’ve never felt like this. Up and down. Mostly down. But there are a couple hours a day I’m up up. Then I’m on the couch listening to depressing music, and then I’m mad. 

Why cant I keep it together right now?

✌🏻